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Suffer the Eternal Summer

"Bitch!" I screamed at the TV screen, startling my 10 year old brother. He was watching a cartoon on TV with my younger sister when I passed by. They were watching Bambi. "Oh, sorry," I said, embarrassed by my outburst. "I thought it was that bitch Summer."

Wide eye bitch's gonna break your heart, little bunny.

It has been well over a year since I saw (500) Days of Summer, and I'm still suffering. I fear I will never be the same again.

(500) Days of Summer is the tragic tale of Tom victimized by the most PAANDAR character ever in history of cinema, Summer. No man should ever suffer through what Tom was subjected to, but unfortunately, girls (and guys) like Summer come too often.


I saw (500) Days of Summer, and it scared the romance out of me. I used to believe in love. I used to trust. I used to enjoy holding hands, and movies, and those long-ass phone conversations about books you both read and hated, about gelatto, about pretending to be a couple shopping for furniture in a Swedish interior design store, and about being happy. Yes, I used to believe that I can be happy with someone.

Until (500) Days of Summer summed it all up for me: No matter how happy you are with someone, they can still hurt you. They will drop you the moment they find someone who looks like a European model, or someone who drives a car. They will hate the things you used to love together once they've met someone who spends half his day in a gym. They will think it's for your own best to break your heart, only because they think it's time for an upgrade. You are last year's Apple's biggest thing, and your upgrade has just been announced.

This is probably why I will never watch that sitcom New Girl. I am still harboring hatred for Summer. Why is she in a new story looking for yet another man to devastate? What right has this Summer woman to another shot at love? I'm not surprised that she's now moved in with three guys; after all, one man has never been enough for her.

I can haz more men, plz?

The Summers of the world don't deserve happiness. They deserve to have their hearts broken into pieces, chopped, and served as sisig. I personally have been praying for a particular Summer in my life to get AIDS, or to get into one of those embarrassing medical conditions involving penetrations that can't be undone.

(500) Days of Summer has shell-shocked the romance out of me. No longer am I willing to fight for love's losing battle. I am a man destroyed. I am ruined. I can no longer take another person's hand into my own without thinking who it'll be holding next. I can't let my lovers out of my sight now, afraid they'll meet the love of their lives when I blink.

Like Tom, I know there'll be other guys better than me. Guys the Summers can be proud of. Guys the Summers wouldn't be embarrassed to call their 'boyfriends'.

But I know I'm a Tom. I'll settle for what scraps the Summers will throw my way. I'll give my everything even if the best thing I can hope for is "an open thing". And it sucks, because there will always be a Summer, and in the Philippines, Summers don't only last 500 days.

They last a lifetime.


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