The Vampire Diaries. Season 2, Episode 18: The Last Dance

You can't kill me. I'm the resident black "witch bitch".

"I've got moves you've never seen."

Actually, I saw those coming. A big event means someone major is going to die—usually. And since it's been expected from every episode with a big-big event, the writers had to do something to make it less predictable. Solution: Bonnie and Damon team up to fake Bonnie's death for Klaus (in Alaric's body) to believe that his main threat is eliminated before he actually steps foot in Mystic falls. It's kinda obvious really. And though Klaus defies myths (not needing an invitation since he's taken over a human body but can still compel people), simple deception could have just bought the gang some time and their secret weapon "BonnieX100" back since she went into hiding until the real Klaus comes.

But I'd have to say that Alaric as Klaus has given Matt Davis some room to play and show off his good acting chops. But I don't know about the dialogue he's been given: "Safari Sam", "witch bitch", "haggard history teacher"?! I'm going to puke if another alliteration or homonym is used by this obviously era-confused vampire. I hope to God Damon doesn't get the same cheap lines. "I will always choose you" is undeniably a slap-in-the-face example of a best line (if delivered smack on like Damon always does)—simple, direct, and full of meaning.

Also, Sheriff Forbes and "deputy sheriff" a.k.a. Matt is on to something that can turn everything upside down. Now I know why Elena, Bonnie, and Caroline are the best-est of friends: They're all so thick. First, Elena and Bonnie took so long to figure out that Alaric is not who he is. Grah. And now, Caroline is too in love with Matt she couldn't pinpoint what's wrong with him not kissing her enough and her mom acting all weird. Come on girls, grab some balls!

And leave it to Elena complicate it all the more: She just pulled the dagger out of Elijah. Do. Not. Blink.

Män som hatar kvinnor (The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo)

Girls who look like that most likely have a dragon tattoo somewhere.

This film was based on a book of the same title. But you don't really need to know that.

This film also has a Hollywood version, which will come out this year. But you also don't really need to know that.

What you do need to know is that this is an excellent film, and is possibly the best Swedish film I've seen. Then again, I haven't seen that many Swedish films. Maybe just some Ace of Base videos and an ABBA documentary.

This film is a mystery thriller. A whodunit, to be more precise. We're looking at a missing girl, who may or may not have been murdered. I don't really want to spoil it for those who haven't seen it yet.

Anyway, one thing I appreciated after seeing this was the language of cinema. There is actually a correct way to tell stories visually. That is the reason a good film will always be a good film, in whatever language. The styles may differ, the content may vary, but the language remains the same.

This film has succeeded in telling a really great suspense story. I honestly expected to be yawning ten minutes into the film. Instead, I found myself sweating at the palms. Partly because the summer heat is starting to swelter at this time of year. And partly because it was a damn great suspense story. And also partly because Noomi Rapace was great as Lisbeth Salander.

Even her non-acting is acting.

Of course, credit should probably go to the brilliant director, Niels Arden Oplev.

Now this got me worried about the remake. Would it be as good as the original? Or rather, would it be as effective as the original? Whatever. Who's the director? Oh, it's David Fincher. Okay, he'll do. The Social Network was okay. But more importantly: Rooney Mara, who plays Lisbeth Salander in the Hollywood version.

Punks. Not. Death.

By the way, I don't like her as Lisbeth Salander. She's... eeewww. So here's a prettier photo of her which you can take with you in your dreams.

Mmm... Rooney Mara.

Wait a minute. According to W Magazine:

Fincher’s film departs dramatically from the book: Mikael Blomkvist is more gentlemanly, Salander is more aggressive—and the ending has been completely altered.

Damn you, Fincher!

But wait. What are you all worried about? This is the Swedish version. Go watch it. The original is always the best.


*some info from IMDb
pics from Alt Film Guide Electrifries, and W Magazine


Män som hatar kvinnor. Sweden. 2009.


Rating: Nine out of ten.



You may also want to read the review for The Girl Who Played With Fire.

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert

Firstly, admit to the fact that you know a little more less about the great acting gamut that is Hugo Weaving.

CLICK to enlarge.
http://i617.photobucket.com/
albums/tt259

One of the rarest times he takes his shades
off in The Matrix and he does this. No, no,
he isn't happy because he just got the
Oracle's eyes, no.

...Smith was just reminiscing with how big his mouth can go, see?

And then, admit to two more outstanding actors in Guy Pearce and Señor Terence Stamp. Terence is usually the white-haired, reptilian-eyed antagonist of movies. Lesson learned from Madame Terence: no tweaking or alteration of voice quality needed─the deep voice actually adds up to the lady-ness of either the genuine drag, or the genuine lady. I should know, I adored one or two. bLOL.

And how about Guy Pearce? He's just the guy from Memento, L.A. Confidential, The Count of Monte Cristo, a much-criticized Time Machine, and a much-unknown The Proposition. To see him in an earlier Priscilla role is convincing to the starring roles he landed in succeeding movies. I must say, Felicia was his best─to his and to other's well-being. Seriously.

Align if you see Marky Mark Wahlberg

These Aussies are a bunch. Forget that tasty Wolverine actor guy.

I N T E R M I S S I O N: Movie music.

(Do) You kids actually know what this song means?

Second stop: Female film editor in Sue Blainey. Shucks. No hetero guy was cool enough to take on the role of editor. We should develop more female editors. I taught one myself. And now, she's way in over her head─acting like a proud male with no beef to back her lanky body up. I told her so. LOL. Now I'm thinking to train two more belonging to the third and fourth genders, just to let her know of her now-threatened space. Moohahaha.

OMFG so G 'n' R(!)

FAB FACT: Who says dreamcatchers and Aboriginal art
belong only to the natives? And didgeridoos? Come on
now! Fab peeps can own everything. You must've
learned that by now.

Lastly, is the race-y part which I'm proud of. You see Hollywood is really funny when it comes to casting a "general-ly" Asian woman. They just make her speak English like a Chinese or Vietnamese would. Then they make her curse in hellish Filipino-Tagalog.♥

Click to Constantine movie link

Her Alibi link

Don't be, she packs a punch. Click away.

Tips to fab (verb, adjective):

1. Instead of purple, say "lavender"
2. The barren desert is a perfect place to fab

The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert. Australia. 1994.

Modern Family. Season One

It's quite surprising how a show with such a simple premise can actually be funny. As the title says, this is all about modern families; specifically, families in the 21st century.

There's three families involved here. The first one is a traditional family, the Dunphys. Phil and Claire, and their three kids Haley, Alex, and Luke. Then there's Jay Pritchett, Claire's father, remarried to a much younger Colombian Gloria, and her son Manny. Then there's the third family, gay partners Cam and Mitchell (Jay's son and Claire's brother), and their adopted Vietnamese baby Lily.

Even the technical aspects of this series all play a part in achieving the desired effect, which is realism. The lighting is so good, you won't even notice it. It seems like it's all natural lighting, but it's not. Kind of like the cinematography in The Sopranos. It's lit to look like it's not lit.

But unlike The Sopranos, the camera movement is a different story. It's all fluid, steadycam shots, made to look like it's a hand-held documentary. This again simply adds to the realism, because that is all this series is trying to achieve. It wants to show us that in this day and age, families like these actually exist, and they are actually made up of normal people just like us, and that we might even have neighbors or relatives with the same family set-up.


1. "Pilot"

Background music: "Circle of Life". Seriously.

Pictures are supposed to paint a thousand words, but this one only paints two: "Lion King". That's right. Cameron is holding up their newly-adopted daughter Lily. She's supposed to be the baby Simba, while Cameron is supposed to be Rafiki. And I kid you not when I say that "Circle of Life" is playing in the background.

The Vampire Diaries. Season 2, Episode 17: Know Thy Enemy

Another burn, another death. Let the killings continue.

"I'll be super pissed if you lock me out."

I will be, too, if not for the overflowing revelations this show has showered me with in this episode. But Jenna is still in the dark. Matt isn't though, and so is Sheriff Forbes. All because Caroline loves Matt. She threw away everyone's secret for a boy's love and acceptance. Overrated, if you ask me. But it's gonna be a whole new ball game now that the Sheriff knows who's who... at a time when the big bad Klaus is to set foot in Mystic Falls.

Finally, Isobel is dead. I never liked her, not because she gave up Elena or because she's a vampire bitch who never says what she means. But because she's so bland. Crying, flirting, bitching—she acts all the same to me. I'm not even going to ponder if she was sincere in her last moments with Elena. Good riddance to her. And I believe a lot more will follow in her footsteps. It could be Alaric next, what, being sort of possessed by Klaus. But I so hope he lives if only for the Damon-Alaric bromance.

Bonnie is now a witch times 100, thanks to Damon's knowledge of where the Salem witches were burned. But she might kill herself in the process of taking on Klaus. Poor Jeremy, his role's existence is in jeopardy again, while Uncle John had, I don't know, his nth life in this series. Why doesn't he die ?! It feels like I'm watching him in Alias all over again!

Hop

E.B. (Left): I love playing drums and talking with my English accent.
Fred (right): I'm worth more than playing second fiddle to you.

I watched this entirely because of a little guy, and with the assumption that it's all animated CGI.

Hop is about the story of E.B. (voiced by Russel Brand), next-in-line Easter Bunny who just wants to play drums and be a star. So he runs away from Easter Island and ends up with Fred O'Hare (James Marsden). And so they bond and save the outgoing Papa Easter Bunny from his chick sidekick who wants to take over his role.

I'm not even going to pretend it makes sense because clearly, the film demands you to suspend judgement and all reason in order to enjoy watching it. I love Russell Brand, but the film can't make up its mind on whether to be a father-and-son flick, a coming of age story, or an Easter special. All the events in the story feel contrived to accommodate a bunny who can talk and plays drums. And like other movies that pit animated CGI characters with real actors together, the resulting interaction is a hit or miss. Although Marsden did an okay job given his role, it becomes moot and academic once you start digging for a solid story line. Same with the supporting cast, which is collectively a "barely-there" talent. Lowest point: David Hasselhoff. Tsk. Tsk.

For the good part, I present to you the saving graces of this film:

Easter Bunny Elite Guard The Pink Berets—one of which is endearingly asthmatic.

Phil—You can't stop his butt from feeling the beat and dancing. 

Hop gets a three out of ten, for even kids deserve an intelligent film. It's just never enough now to have cute animated characters in a film anymore after Pixar (just the first company who set the bar in animation higher, but not necessarily the only one who can do such now). You also got to have a good story that shows a lot of heart.


*photos from allmoviephotos.com

The Grandest Conspiracy of All

Half-Past Indulgent makes you want to vomit with too much

information. After that, some truths will settle in.

Repeat 2 to 3 times every lunar cycle.

--HPI Profile

Before you dive any deeper into "conspiracy theories", allow me to usher you into The Grandest Conspiracy of ALL...

I will pass stamping this with ownership since WE ALL own this...
Strap ON...

Now in the Grand Scheme of Things, all of us are co-creators of the reality we share (Definition 1). In the tradition of seer-ing knowledge─that is, the traditional business of warrior seers─consensual reality is defined as particular lit energy bands perceived, that emanates from the Source of All, by a particular group of aware sentience (Def. 2). For example...

Earth.

Joe Biden's face is spot-on smirky

Now Earth, for all the complexity of life within it, share one particularly lit energy band information, which also gives it its particular form and beauty, and function. All Earthly creatures conspire and contribute to make Earth happen. And so IT does... but it doesn't end there (or here).

The Grandest Fathers of Milwaukee decided one creative day they would anagram "M-I-L-K-Y_W-A-Y", as tribute to our One Galaxy and bestow it to their geographic state. Nobody knows exactly whether It fell on deaf ears, or myopic eyes, or whether they en-coded it the way it is spelled now, but one thing's for sure: All men who know "Milwaukee" are conspiring to make "Milwaukee" happen (Definition 3, with laughtrack available, for purchase. lol)

Disgruntled citizens of Milwaukee

End of "The GRANDEST Conspiracy of ALL", Part 1.

Far-Out Theories: Da Couch Tomato Inspires the New Cracked

Okay, this theory stretches the imagination a little bit too far.

Cracked.com, one of my favorite websites that I check religiously everyday, has come out with a new look. It's still in its Beta phase, only available to 1% of random users.

I was fortunate enough to have laid eyes on the new Cracked twice already. It's either I'm just really lucky, or I read Cracked too much.

So why do I say that this blog inspired Crack's new look? Check it out:

Basically, three reasons:

• All clean and white. Just like Da Couch Tomato. 
• Text uses the serif font Georgia. Just like Da Couch Tomato. 
• Now with photo source citations. Just like Da Couch Tomato.

That's pretty much it. Of course, Cracked is a comedy giant, and their writing humor is something that I consciously try to copy emulate. Yes, I know, I'm a wannabe Cracked writer. And to claim that Cracked was inspired by this humble blog would be the equivalent of me getting a mohawk, and then a month later Christian Bale also gets a mohawk, and then me raving that "Christian Bale saw my Facebook profile pic, liked my hair, and totally copied it!"

Doctor Who. Series 4

My relationship with Doctor Who is a little bit complicated. It's all the way fangirl-y but... I didn't want to review it because I didn't know why I was so engrossed with it. I mean, I knew I liked any stories with time travel as its key plot, but I thought  Doctor Who  was just a television show that I like a lot. I'd go all giggly about it and then I'd move on with the next one after I watched it. I guess it's like my relationship with Sucker Punch or The Vampire Diaries.

My relationship with Doctor Who is more like my relationship with Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'm like, oh I'm gonna watch it because it's about vampires (time travelling) and I'll probably geek out about it but wait, what? What's this? After hours and hours spent in front of it, I'm now googling, wikipedia-ing, youtube-ing, using Doctor Who references in all of my blogs whenever I can, etc etc etc-ing, what is this feeling?

Feelings! What are these feeeeeelingggs?

You know how when you like someone and you spend so much time with them and people ask you, do you love this someone? And you're like, oh I don't know. I just really like this someone's company. And they're like thinking, oh you love this someone, you just don't know it yet because if you didn't love this someone, you could have just probably said no, I didn't love this someone. And then the next stage will probably be: you'll start thinking why you like this someone and you wouldn't know why. You know, because this someone can be such a bitch sometimes. But still you stay anyway. And when it finally strikes you on the head that you're probably in love with this someone, you start to babble no no no it can't be! That bastard? Eeew. Impossible! But but but... those... um, eyes.

Yep. Doctor Who is kind of like that. One minute you're like, WHAT THE FUCK was that monster made out of human fat? Or, shut up, humanity is brilliant already. Or, oh please can everybody stop relying on the Doctor? He's not Jesus you know (well, unless for that Series 3 ender).

On the other hand, you stay glued to it. Because it's funny. Because of the Vashta Nerada. Because you get to meet Agatha Christie. Because it's fun seeing Donna Noble shut the Doctor up (and the other way around). Because it makes you cry at one scene, and laugh just seconds after. Because you totally wish you have a sonic screwdriver and your room is like the TARDIS, totally bigger on the inside.

Doctor Who is part crap, part brilliant. All the way fabulous. It's like Goosebumps meets... I don't know what it meets actually. I'm not an expert on sci-fi shows. I'm just saying, if I were six years old and my Dad was watching Battlestar Galactica, I'd probably be sleeping. Now if it was Doctor Who, we probably would have forged a bond that can never ever be broken.

Now to be more Series 4-centric, because this review should really be about the fourth series:

1. Donna Noble is the bestest, bestest companion ever. Okay, I have only seen Rose Tyler, Martha Jones, and Sarah Jane (I'm guessing a lot of people like Amy Pond because she's hot, though I'm not closing my mind on that one) but so far, Donna Noble is the best the Doctor can have. Because she's funny, loud, and though she has moments of relying too much on the Doctor, she doesn't do it obsessively like the others. She's the best BFF the Doctor can have. If you want someone to be with you forever in your TARDIS, she's the perfect choice. Because this is worth repeating over and over, she didn't fall in love with the Doctor. This alone helps tone down the drama, make things less complicated, so we could focus more on the fun.

2. David Tennant as the Tenth Doctor. Though my favorite is Christopher Eccleston─because he was a grumpy yummy old man─I doubt anyone can resist the charms of David Tennant. It's all in the wiggly eyebrows, baby.

3. Rose Tyler comes back. Yes, some of you hate her but you can't deny that excitement of wondering how the Doctor and Rose's love story will conclude this time. I'm actually pretty torn about it since I'm a hopeless romantic who thought it was fabulous the way it used to be: both of them are well and alive, but they can't see each other ever, ever, ever. Now that they have seen each other, and we find out forever's not really forever... and then there's that other Doctor...

4. Oh, by the way, I'm still not buying this anti-gun-peace-loving crap the Doctor has. The villains of this series are right. The Doctor is a pretentious, morally uptight alien who represses his guilt over the mayhem he gets involved with.

5. Most wonderful are the fucking brilliant episodes "Silence in the Library", "Forest of the Dead", "Midnight", and "Turn Left".

"Silence in the Library"/"Forest of the Dead" introduced me to my favorite monsters, the Vashta Nerada (who live in the shadows and eat human flesh in milliseconds), displayed a heart wrenching scene of Donna losing her make-believe children, and showed, for me, the most normal but integral human thing the Doctor has ever portrayed: restraining himself from finding out what the future holds for him.

Then there's "Midnight", focusing only on the Doctor. And we get to clearly see how he is no better than anybody else stuck in that plane. A full episode with almost nothing but talking. Psychological mayhem ensues!

Wonderfully afterwards is "Turn Left". It focuses on Donna and we get to see how little she thinks of herself when she is actually what everyone needs. See the obvious juxtaposition?

Not only was each episode brilliant, the arrangement of their airing contributes to it being brilliant, too.

6. However, "The Doctor's Daughter" episode sucked. The daughter is so hot though. Think Buffy-meets-Veronica-Mars hotness.

7. There. I don't think I'm not forgetting anything important. I'm still downloading other Doctor Who stuff (because the specials and supplemental episodes confuse me) so for the sake of clarity, when I say Series 4, I mean from "Voyage of the Damned" up to "Journey's End".

You may also want to read the reviews of Doctor Who Series 1, Series 2, Series 5, and Series 6. 

Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. 3D

This film should teach you that "like" and "respect" are two different things. Let me give you an example.

Once upon a time (circa 2003), I was asked to appear in a music video of April Boy Regino. I am not a fan of April Boy's music, but I did it as a favor to my friend who was directing the music video. After seeing April Boy do his stuff in front of the camera, I began to respect him as a performer. I mean, I still won't listen to his music if I could help it, but I stopped dissing him from that point on. Also, I got a free April Boy baseball cap and CD.

Actual album cover. (Not available in hi-res. Sorry)

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, Justin Bieber. I'm not saying that Justin Bieber is the Caucasian version of April Boy. I'm saying that after watching this documentary, after seeing him sing and perform since like three years old, you should at least have gained some respect for Justin Bieber. Even if you still won't listen to his music.

Double platinum in the United States alone.

This is a concert documentary slash biopic. (but really, how much biographical information does a seventeen-year old have?) It's not too serious a documentary like the ones churned out by BBC or National Geographic. It's directed more at kids. Maybe not really kids, but the younger set. But even the adults could sit through this one, and may possibly leave the theater as new Bieber converts.

Also, IMDb loves to exaggerate. They rated this movie 1.2 on a scale of 10. Come on! It wasn't that bad!

"Yes, it was that bad."

Okay, now on to the 3D (skip this part if you don't like the boring, technical stuff).

Not everything in the film was shot in 3D. The live concerts were. Also some glamour shots of Bieber doing his trademark hair flip. Which were actually shot with high-speed cameras. Imagine seeing Justin Bieber flip his hair in super-slow motion. Now imagine that in 3D. Then imagine how many young girls just wet their panties without even realizing it.

Now it's that super-slow motion hair-flipping scene that I'd like to discuss. I've already tried shooting something similar before, but I came to the conclusion that it wasn't advisable to shoot 3D with your subjects against a white background, because it doesn't seem to give enough depth. After watching the hair-flip scene, however, I realized I was wrong. That scene had Bieber standing against a white background, and it looked even more eye-popping than I ever believed possible. This just goes to show that you still learn something new everyday.

So I think I have discovered a new rule, which is:

If you are shooting a long range of subjects, use minimal interocular distance, because then there would be a lot of elements which will show parallax. But if you are shooting a short range of subjects, like a single person against an empty background, then you should increase the interocular distance, so as to create a larger parallax between the left and the right images.

When I say I "discovered" a new rule, I don't mean to say that I "invented" it. I just mean that I stumbled upon it on my own.

Before I end, let me just share the two best 3D shots of the movie:

1. The hair flip scene; and
2. The confetti scene. (It's like you could feel the confetti in your face!)

*some info from Wikipedia,
pic from iTunes, Coverlandia, and 80s Tees


Justin Bieber: Never Say Never. USA. 2011.


Rating: Seven out of ten.
3D-ness: Eight out of ten.