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Why do most mutants have blue skin, anyway?

I am probably one of the few Marvel fans that wish the X-Men franchise would wrap up.

The franchise can be divided into two periods: the first would be the Patrick Stewart-Ian McKellen era, the second would be the James McAvoy-Michael Fassbender era. The two eras overlap slightly in 2014's X-Men: Days of Future Past, which for me is also the best film in the whole franchise.

As a kid, I was a Marvel fan, but the X-Men comics were my favourite. I owned The Dark Phoenix Saga compilation (I didn't really own it; I borrowed it from a classmate and never returned it), and I've read it several times before the pages turned brittle and gave up on me. Now that was a great read. I remember how I used to spend hours in my bedroom reading it, occasionally shifting to my drawing book, inspired to try my hand at drawing my own comics.

Okay, enough about that. This isn't a post reminiscing about my childhood.

There is a lot of focus in this film on Charles Xavier's guilt about Jean Grey's childhood. Both of Jean's parents died in a car accident, which was actually her fault. Now imagine a childhood trauma that strong, coupled with an insanely powerful mutant ability. That is a recipe for disaster right there; no wonder Jean Grey turned out as the damaged mutant she is. If this film teaches us any valuable lessons regarding mental health, it is that repressing memories is never good. But that's probably easier said than done.

Mystique's death at the hands of Jean Grey came as a blow to most viewers, but that would of course be a preferable death compared to just some lame gunshot wound to the head or falling off a cliff. Jennifer Lawrence has been the Raven most fans would remember, but only because the original Mystique practically never appeared without make-up. As this is (most probably) the last we'll see of JLaw in this franchise, it's only appropriate that she be given a proper dramatic send-off.

What would have made the Dark Phoenix saga complete was the presence of Wolverine. The unlikely pairing of Jean Grey and Logan is a favourite among comic book fans, and it was referenced in the first X-Men films with Famke Janssen and Hugh Jackman. I don't think it would've worked with Sophie Turner, though, seeing as Jackman is way older than her, and that any romantic tension between both of them would come off as pedophilia.

And finally, let's talk about Hans Zimmer's wonderful score. There's a part in the film's score where you can hear a ticking clock sound, and I thought to myself, "That sounds like Hans Zimmer's Dunkirk score." Turns out I was right. Before this film, Zimmer has only scored DC movies, making this his first foray into Marvel territory. Hopefully this won't be his last.

Too bad we won't be seeing her in the MCU.



Dark Phoenix. USA. 2019.



Original rating: 7.5/10
No Sophie Turner nudity: -0.1
No Jessica Chastain nudity: -0.1
Tye Sheridan looking like he has a VR headset: -0.1
Not enough Nightcrawler: -0.1
Not enough Peter Maximoff: -0.1
Simon Kinberg writing and directing: +0.1
Final rating: 7.1/10
4:40 PM
"Could you guys compress a little to the center? Thanks."

I know I’ve said this a lot of times already, but let me just set the record straight: I’ve never left Team Shyamalan.

I’ve always been a fan of M. Night Shyamalan. I’ve never left his side. Sure, he had misses, but he also had hits. Although The Village will still be my favourite Shyamalan flick, I’ve never fed the hate and vitriol directed at him when he came out with the live action adaptation of The Last Airbender. Yeah, it wasn’t great, but let’s face it, it wasn’t horrible either. It was just… not that good. Compared to his body of work, that is.

But wait, this isn’t an article to defend Mr. Shyamalan. This is supposed to be a review of his latest film Glass. So here are three reasons why Glass is something worth watching.

It’s the conclusion to Shyamalan’s trilogy you never knew existed.
Let’s be honest here: How many of you knew when you watched Unbreakable back in 2000 that it would have a sequel? Nobody did. And when Split hit the theaters in 2016, how many of you figured out it happens in the same universe as Unbreakable before seeing Bruce Willis show up in the end? Again, nobody did – except Shyamalan, of course. The director really intended James McAvoy’s character to appear in Unbreakable, but had to cut him out. So Split can be considered a kind of spin-off in that sense. And thank God Shyamalan decided to give us Glass. We all love superhero flicks, and anything that doesn’t resemble a Marvel or a DC flick is a welcome treat indeed.

It’s a superhero flick that doesn’t seem like a superhero flick.
Honestly, this isn’t the best example of “a superhero flick that doesn’t seem like a superhero flick” – that distinction still belongs to Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight trilogy. But in Nolan’s context, that means being grounded in reality, which works for the Batman universe because the characters there mostly don’t have super powers. In this universe, the characters do have superpowers: David Dunn (Bruce Willis) was unbreakable, meaning he had super strength; Elijah Price a.k.a. Mr. Glass (Samuel L. Jackson) had supervillain intelligence; and The Beast (James McAvoy) had, well, beast-like powers (I wouldn’t consider his multiple personalities as a superpower, because that’s more of a disorder). Yet despite the superpowers present, the director still tried to present this as grounded as possible, because the entire premise of the films is that superheroes walk among us, and the comic book characters are based on real-life people.

It’s got three great actors.
Okay, Bruce Willis isn’t really a great actor. He’s good, but I wouldn’t call him great. I wouldn’t say he’s mediocre. He’s good. Let’s leave it at that. Samuel L. Jackson I would say was great. He even had those little facial twitches going on, which kind of made his condition more authentic in a way. But the show-stealer here was James McAvoy. From the weight gain and body building he went through, to the meticulous character changes that had even Samuel L. Jackson stunned, to the veins popping out his neck, McAvoy deserved an acting award nomination at least for his performance here.

So, is this the end of this superhero series? It pretty much looks like it. Is M. Night Shyamalan going to venture into long form storytelling on the streaming platform? Maybe. But one thing’s sure: I am eagerly awaiting the day his next film hits theatres. And I’m pretty sure I’m not alone.

"I'm still waiting for that Mace Windu origin story, Mr. Lucas Disney."




Glass. USA. 2019.



Original rating: 7.9/10
Sarah Paulson's annoying acting: -0.1
Using the same kid in Unbreakable: +0.1
Final rating: 7.9/10
11:04 AM
"I was kidding... about you not being... blue enough!"
First off, hooray for shooting in 3D. Only a few filmmakers actually opt to shoot their films in the native 3D format, because they think that conversion can save them a lot of money. But shooting in 3D actually shows dimension and depth to the actors' faces, especially with extreme close-ups.

Now down to the nitty-gritty. This movie did not work as effectively as I would've wanted it to. Primarily it's because I slept through some parts. Granted these were very short one-minute power naps, but I slept nonetheless. And that's not a good sign. Any movie that makes me doze off, no matter how short, means it's boring.

The screenplay was penned by Simon Kinberg, who did a great job on the previous flick in this franchise, Days of Future Past. But why was the screenplay for this film not as great? I think it's because Days of Future Past was adapted off an already existing storyline from the comic books, whereas this one was probably just a vehicle used to introduce Apocalypse.

Kinberg said in an interview with IGN:
The thing that we’ve spent the most time talking about is not just the visual execution of the character, which is its own challenge – creating a character that’s the most powerful I think of any mutant villain that we’ve seen in the X-Men movies so far. More powerful than Magneto. The kind of scope and scale we’re talking about is like disaster movie, extinction level event. Sort of Roland Emmerich-style moviemaking, which you’ve never seen in an X-Men movie, or any superhero movie, which I think is exciting.
Yes, this film may be apocalyptic visually, what with all the computer-generated destruction and dust clouds going on, but emotionally, I think it falls short. I didn't get the sense of impending doom, the end of humanity. There seemed to be lacking a sense of urgency. I'm not really sure how this could've been executed better. The only solution I can come up with is they should've based it off an existing storyline. But I said that already.

The only good thing in the story, in my opinion, was the humanisation of Magneto. Having him hide his identity by blending among mortals, saving a co-worker's life in secret, and having his family taken from him, adds so much more gravitas to his character, which I think Michael Fassbender was able to pull off. Anyway, instead of more complaints, here are six characters from the film, and the thoughts that ran through my head as I was watching them.

Apocalypse
Oscar Isaac
Apocalypse a.k.a. En Sabah Nur a.k.a. Unlimited 3D Printer
Oh, Oscar Isaac, you are a damn good actor. Such a pity that your acting prowess wasn't able to shine through all that heavy prosthetics. Also, your character's supposed to be the harbinger of doom, right? The end of the world? But you should be way scarier than you were in the movie. All you did was 3D-print some buildings and stuff. Anyway, I'd blame it on the prosthetics, or on the script, or on Bryan Singer's bad directing. Not on you, because I've been a fan since Inside Llewyn Davis.

Quicksilver
Evan Peters
Evan Peters running away from a contract renewal signing.
Okay, my favourite comic book X-Man is Nightcrawler, but you are my favourite live-action mutant, since you sprung Magneto out of the Pentagon in Days of Future Past. See, in the comics, you kind of look like an old man (but I guess that's because of your hair being silver), and I can never really feel your speed because, you know, comic book drawings don't move, and so I have no idea how fast you can really move. Man, you are insanely quick. I guess that's why they call you Quicksilver.

Psylocke
Olivia Munn
One word, three letters: Fap.
Damn, Olivia Munn. You're still as hot as you were back when I first liked you in Attack of the Show. But the close-up shots where I can see your eyelash extensions bothered me a little. Like, they look really fake. Anyway, when I learned Psylocke was going to be in X-Men: Apocalypse, I was thinking she was going to be Eurasian, like in the comics. So I thought, "Olivia Munn". No other choice. Ten years ago, maybe Lucy Liu? But no, it's got to be Olivia Munn. I used to jack off to Psylocke when I was in grade school. And I used to jack off to Olivia Munn when I was in college. There. Casting choice justified.

Jubilee
Lana Condor
An example of a stereotypical Asian-American in the 80s.
When it comes to Jubilee, you really have to go full Asian. How about casting a Filipina, though? I'm not saying Lana Condor isn't pretty. I'm just saying that if Jubilee isn't going to do any fighting, any martial arts stuff, or any psychedelic light shows that showcase her actual mutant ability, then at least give her some sexy shots. Okay, I'm griping too much.

Angel
Ben Hardy
Just call him Angel of the morning, Angel.
Ben Hardy... any relation to Tom Hardy? None? Okay, so who are you supposed to be really? Are you like the same Angel as in Warren Worthington III? Wasn't he in X-Men: The Last Stand, a.k.a. the third film that everybody hated? This film is set in the 80s, right? And The Last Stand was... 2006? How old are you supposed to be in this film? Like twenties? So if you are indeed Warren Worthington III, then you'd be in your forties in The Last Stand, right? And when Apocalypse gives you metal wings, doesn't that make you Archangel? So you go from Angel to Archangel then back again to Angel in 2006? I'm confused.

Nightcrawler
Kodi Smit-McPhee
So are Nightcrawler, Beast, and Mystique all related? Because, you know, blue?
Okay, are you another timeline anomaly? Weren't you already in X2? And what's up with the teleport restrictions? The comic book Nightcrawler is my favourite X-Man, and as far as I can remember, the only limitations he has with regard to his superpower is he cannot teleport to places he hasn't seen before. If he can see it in his mind, he can go there. So what's up with you not being able to teleport out of an electrified metal cage? That's such a lame attempt to get you to do a cage match with Angel. And I have a problem with your fingers. Each finger should look like a normal human finger, except there's just three on each hand. But your two fingers look fatter than your thumb, which obviously looks like your costume forced you to bunch two fingers together. Yeah, that may be a minor gripe, but I've been bothered by that since X2. I also don't like your hair, but I'll let that slide.

So that's that. More X-Men movies? Yes, please. But better scripts this time. Maybe you can try having the comic book writers do the screenplay? J.K. Rowling's doing it, so might as well give it a go.



X-Men: Apocalypse. USA. 2016.



Original rating: 7 / 10
No Sophie Turner nudity: -0.1
Nightcrawler's fat fingers: -0.1
Not enough blue Beast: -0.1
Quicksilver's mansion sequence: +0.1
James McAvoy's hair extensions: -0.1
No Jennifer Lawrence non-blue nudity: -0.1
Havok: +0.1
Me sleeping at some parts: - 0.05 per minute of sleep x ~4 mins = -0.2
Final rating: 6.5 / 10
7:44 PM
YouTube

The X-Men film franchise is now on its fifth film (2013’s The Wolverine is considered a spin-off, which would make 2009's X-Men Origins: Wolverine a prequel slash spinoff – or a sprinquel, if I may coin the term. What's that? No, I may not coin the term? Okay then.), and Days of Future Past (DoFP, because I love acronyms) is the second film in what we all first thought was a reboot. DoFP ends somewhere before the events of X-Men: The Last Stand, which could actually allow the filmmakers to pretend that third X-Men movie never really happened.

"Yes, I've gained weight, but only because  I actually
never thought we'd be asked to come back. ."
11:43 PM
YouTube

I've been told to watch Trance, because "It's a great mindfuck film, like Inception." Then I found out it's directed by Danny Boyle, so I said, "I'm watching this because it's Danny Boyle. Also, 'mindfuck' is not a film genre."

"How about 'brainfuck'?"
12:30 PM
Not the actual BBC Radio 4 logo, but bloody brilliant design.

If you think radio plays are for the lower class, think again. The BBC has proven that radio plays are far from dead, and is possibly the only non-musical auditory art form. I think.

Who's the guy at the back who looks like a wrestler/Guy Fawkes mask?
2:14 PM


Because this movie stars Kevin Bacon, who I haven't seen in a long time, I will be reviewing this with "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon".

But first, a short review. First Class takes us back to the sixties, when Charles Xavier had a full head of hair. As far as prequels go, this was executed quite nicely. This was directed by Matthew Vaughn, the one who helmed the film Kick-Ass. The film has a certain darkness to it, but not as dark as Batman Begins or The Dark Knight. That's a different kind of dark. Let's just say this one doesn't try to be all comic book-campy like the Spiderman flicks. I didn't even notice Stan Lee anywhere in the film. Either he was well-hidden, or he didn't make a cameo at all. Oh, and I also love how the training montage pays homage to Ang Lee's Hulk. A lot of people didn't like that. I did, though. But I am quite ashamed to admit it.

Now, let's go to Kevin Bacon. If you're unfamiliar with "Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon", it's a game that's really fun to play. Basically, you have to connect Kevin Bacon to any other actor by six degrees. It's kind of difficult to explain, but here's how we play it.

"Can we just get this over with?"
5:37 PM
Band of Brothers is about this really tight group of soldiers during World War II. Kind of like G.I. Joe, without the black people, as segregation in the army was still in back then.

But unlike G.I. Joe, the men of Easy Company are NOT real American heroes. Don't believe me? See for yourself.

Maj. Richard D. Winters
Damian Lewis (English)
3:16 PM

If you think James McAvoy is cute, or if you like reading Jane Austen's novels, or if society and your family have ever gotten in the way of your personal affairs, you just might be able to sit through the movie Becoming Jane.

The movie is based on the book Becoming Jane Austen by Jon Spence and details canon writer Jane Austen's youth and her childhood sweetheart Thomas Langlois Lefroy who later became Lord Chief Justice of Ireland.

The washed out cinematography doesn't help to spark interest either. Don't believe the bright colored poster. Anne Hathaway was criticized for the fakeness of her British accent and I can actually hear why.

In terms of historical accuracy, it's not a biopic about Jane Austen. The film does succeed in making you wish it were. Jane Austen playing baseball and eloping with a bad boy puts the ladies in The Jane Austen Book Club movie to shame.

This gets a 4/10.
5:16 PM

This may be one of the most visually refreshing movies to ever come out this year.

That's because Wanted is directed by Russian director, Timur Bekmambetov, who brought his European style of fast-paced filmmaking to give Wanted its extra jolt.


The film is paced in the same adrenaline-rush pace that strenuous physical activity, such as an assassination attempt, actually gives. No part of the movie will slow down enough for you to leave your seat and go to the restroom. And some girls should be happy to get their fill of James McAvoy, whose screen time encompasses probably ninety-five percent of the whole film.

James McAvoy gives an excellent performance, and you can actually see and feel his transition from accountant to assassin. Angelina Jolie, for the first time, I believe, shows her body without concealing any of her real-life tattoos. I guess this should make her assassin look more credible, but tattoos or no tattoos, she will always be a credible assassin after Mr. and Mrs. Smith. Thomas Kretschmann plays the elusive Cross, whose character plays a major part in the narrative, and yet gets very little screen time. Morgan Freeman, as the villainous Sloan, is still, well, Morgan Freeman. Even when he played God in Bruce Almighty, he was still Morgan Freeman. He rarely, if ever, changes his acting style.

The film is filled with almost impossible action sequences, which would give the Mythbusters a field day. Curving bullets, flipping cars, blocking a bullet with another bullet---these are of course products of the film's comic roots. Anyway, the film is carried by McAvoy and Timur Bekmambetov's master storytelling, as the director makes sure that from the start, your disbelief has been suspended.

I watched the film having no expectations, and no idea of what the movie was about. And when I left the theater, all I could think of was becoming an assassin. As did the other viewers, who kept pointing invisible guns, trying to curve invisible bullets.


Rating: Five stars.
2:16 PM
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