Review: This Is the End

Columbia/Mandate/Point Grey

Sorry to disagree with some of you, but while the premise of This Is the End may seem good on paper and in box office returns, in reality, it really isn’t.

The Literartist

The poster says it all.

Oz the Great and Powerful

YouTube

A lot of geeks are excited about the Disney purchase of the Star Wars franchise, believing that Disney can bring the saga forward into the future. There are some, however, who doubt that Disney can pull this off.

YouTube

Master Yoda's hand.

Your Highness

I expected this film to be a sort of Pineapple Express set in medieval times. You know, because James Franco is in it. But it wasn't. There was barely any explicit pot smoking here.

James Franco plays a pothead so well.

This is basically just a fantasy flick with lots of gore,

Eeewww.

a dickless guy,

Eeewww.

Charles Dance (the guy who played Lord Tywin Lannister in Game of Thrones), Damian Lewis (the guy who played Maj. Dick Winters in Band of Brothers), and two hot girls by the names of Zooey Deschanel

"You think I'm hot?"

and Natalie Portman, who looks so damn sexy it's like she never gave birth.

"Don't even think about it."

Although this film flopped in the box office, I really do hope this doesn't discourage Danny McBride from writing any more comedies. The man is funny, no question about that. Maybe he just wasn't lucky enough with this flick.

"Fuck the critics."

Your Highness. USA. 2011.



Rating: Five and a half out of ten.




*some info from IMDb
images from VLC

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

Great story, although a bit heavy.

I tried to trace the source of the heavy feeling, and realized that it probably came from the fact that we all know how this film will end, and we don't like the journey. Who likes smart apes taking over the world, anyway?

Really, who likes that?

Also, there's this really disturbing feeling, which I believe comes from seeing animals that are as smart as people. That is creepy, in any culture, in any era. No exceptions. Talking apes are the creepiest. The first time Caesar spoke, I was as surprised as the zookeeper guy in the film. And the second time he spoke, I was still as surprised as James Franco. I think talking apes will always surprise me.

Another thing that surprised me: hearing Tom Felton talk with an American accent. Very good. The other Potter kids should learn from this guy. American accents will be their ticket to Hollywood. And Draco Malfoy got there first.

He was also the first one to hug Lord Voldemort.

I predict that it will only be a matter of time before motion-capture actors will become eligible for an acting award. Caesar's facial expressions are perfect, most of the time using just subtle twitches and gestures, but the result is a wonder to behold. All thanks to Andy Serkis, the Motion-Capture King.

Woah, is Serkis really that small?

And finally, to Ms. Freida Pinto: you're pretty, but one kind of gets used to your face after a while. Also, you don't show any skin. Next time, okay? Good.


Rise of the Planet of the Apes. USA. 2011


Rating: Seven point eight out of ten.



*pics from movietrailers.polportal.com, Movie Fanatic, Dread Central, and Just Jared via I Watch Stuff

127 Hours

Warning: This film is not for wusses. I'm talking to myself.

Anyway, simple premise of this movie is this: Guy gets stuck for 127 hours. That's that.

Under a rock.

127 hours equals 5 days and 7 hours.

Seems short, right? At least it's not 127 days, you say?

Well, no. Five days is still enough for you to force yourself to start drinking your urine.

Nope, that's not Mountain Dew.

I had no idea about this film at first. But I soon learned this was directed by Danny Boyle. Which made me relax a little bit. I'm sure if there's any director alive who could make 127 hours in one location seem interesting, it'd have to be Danny Boyle.

"I didn't win this baby for nothing!"

Now as the movie progressed, I started to think, "Hey, this seems familiar. I've read this story before. From Cracked. And I was right. Read the article here. Then check out Number 6. That's the real life Aron Ralston. Though he looks nothing like James Franco.

Okay, so how did he get out of that rock? I'll give you a clue.

Like I said, not for wusses.

*some info from IMDb and Cracked
pics from VLC and China Daily


127 Hours. USA/UK. 2010.


Rating: Seven point nine out of ten.

The Green Hornet

"Losing thirty pounds sure has its benefits!"

If you artsy-fartsy freaks don't want to watch this because it's a senseless Hollywood action movie, the fact that it was directed by Michel Gondry might change your mind.

I do have some memories of the old reruns which starred Bruce Lee, but I don't remember it having a comedic feel to it. The old TV series had the same feel as Adam West's Batman. This had the feel of, let me think, Charlie's Angels probably? Half parts action and comedy. But this film had no shortage of laughs.

And we can thank Seth Rogen for that. This was the first time I've noticed Seth Rogen's unique style of comedy. Rogen's comedy is intelligent, but on the outside it seems crass and shallow─perfect for moviegoers of average intelligence. Most of the time, Rogen seems to just be mouthing off random strings of thought until he nails something funny, and from there proceeds to develop his other jokes, which actually turn out to be humorously smart. And surprisingly, there are no weed jokes or references. Except maybe when he exhaled the fart gas smoke through his nose.

But everyone knows he smokes that shit.

Great cameo from James Franco, by the way. Too bad he didn't last ten minutes into the film. But every second of his screen time was priceless.

Cameron Diaz still looks hot despite her pretty obvious aging. She's growing old, but so does everyone else on this planet. Let us now enjoy her while she still looks scrumptious, and it will only take a little imagination on our part to fantasize about her looking as young as she did in The Mask.

Just try not to imagine Jim Carrey in a green mask.

Edward James Olmos is old. But still good. Although his face looks really... old. Tom Wilkinson, on the other hand, can play old roles, but his face doesn't look that old. And I love hearing Wilkinson talk in an American accent.

Oh, and one last thing: the guy who plays Kato is NOT Harold from Harold and Kumar. Kato is played by Jay Chou, who is actually an Asian pop star. This gives new meaning to the words of Chris Tucker regarding Asian guys: "Y'all look alike!"

Above: Not Kato.

*some info from IMDb
pic from Pinoy Tutorial, Sensi Seeds, Obama Pacman, and Ace Showbiz


The Green Hornet. USA. 2011.


Rating: Seven out of ten.

Date Night

I personally find Steve Carell hilarious. Some people don't like him. Well, I do.

Tina Fey is cute as ever, but she has been shadowed by an even cuter, sexier girl who goes by the name of Leighton Meester. Yum.

Ray Liotta is still doing gangster roles. Isn't he a bit old to keep doing that? And by the way, he does look old. Older than how I remember him, of course.

Olivia Munn may have a cameo, but she doesn't look as hot here as she does on TV. And I'm sorry, Leighton Meester is hotter.

And the winners for this movie are:

1. James Franco ─ Again, like in Pineapple Express, for acting weird roles, and refusing to be typecast as a Hollywood pretty boy.
2. Mark Wahlberg ─ Mr. Shirtless himself has inspired me to lift weights.
3. William Fichtner ─ Any movie with Fichtner in it is a treat to watch. He is such a natural actor, he doesn't even have to talk. He can act with just facial expressions.
4. Mark Ruffalo ─ Despite the less than five minute-screen time, this is the first time I've seen him look scruffy. And it works. The scruffiness, I mean.
5. Leighton Meester ─ Last, but definitely not the least. Leighton Meester is so hot, she makes ice cubes melt in Alaska in winter. What?

*some info from IMDb
pic from ugo.com


Date Night. USA. 2010.


Rating: Six and a half out of ten.

Oscar Hangover: Pineapple Express

The riotous Seth Rogen and James Franco team up in this comedy sketch directed by Judd "The Comedy Factory" Apatow. That's three minutes and eleven seconds of Oscar gold.

"Orlando Bloom's dad in Pirates of the Caribbean..."

Best. Line. Ever.

Pineapple Express

I firmly believe that the so-called "stoner flick" can now be considered a legitimate genre of movies. But strangely, this type of film is only popular in America. Don't expect any stoner movies to come out of Philippine cinema anytime soon, as it won't happen. We are too traditional to even attempt to use drugs or drug-related humor in our entertainment. Sad but true.

Anyway, critics have been calling Pineapple Express as the Cheech and Chong of the new millenium. It's about time Hollywood veered away from the stereotypical Mexican pothead to the more politically correct stoner─someone from everyday life. Seth Rogen (who co-wrote the screenplay with Evan Goldberg) plays a process server here (one who summons people to court) who, incidentally, is a pothead. James Franco, on the other hand, abandons his pretty boy-image and plays the drug dealer with such finesse that he was actually nominated for a Golden Globe for his performance.

The story starts out as an ordinary stoner flick, where we viewers are bombarded with images of weed, weed, and nothing but weed. So the real potheads in the audience will either have smoked some shit before watching, or will not be able to wait to roll one and blaze it up. Anyway, as the movie progresses, it starts to leave the path of the pure stoner flick and becomes more action and buddy-oriented. But the humor, drug-related or not, is consistent, which is what I would've expected from any comedy produced by Judd Apatow.

Pineapple Express, sadly, did not make a regular theatrical run in local cinemas. Distributors probably thought that movies like this will only click with the rebellious crowd, which is only a small percentage of our not-so-liberated movie-going countrymen. Anyway, they should've looked past that and invested in it not because it's a weed movie, but because James Franco is in it. So just catch it on DVD. At least you potheads can get to roll one and light it up while you're watching it at home.


Rating: Four stars.