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Cartoon Crushes

A conversation with my brother yesterday inspired this post. I do not mean to be audience-selective, nor gender-insensitive, but this post will probably be appreciated most by heterosexual males who grew up in the 80s.

I am of course talking about Saturday morning cartoon heroines (and some villains). This was back in the day, when the Friday afternoon school bell was the greatest sound on earth, which meant that you had absolutely nothing to worry about for two days. And when you were young, two whole days in front of the tube was nothing short of paradise.

Here is a list (in no particular order) of the most beautiful women on Saturday morning TV in the eighties. These ladies were my first crushes, back when my idea of a date was crossing some sort of portal to the cartoon world and joining them in their adventures. It was only in retrospect where I realized how pathetic those fantasies were.

1. Sheila, the Thief. Dungeons and Dragons.

Sheila is that carrot-topped girl in Dungeons and Dragons with the invisibility cloak. She's also the elder sister of that pesky barbarian brat Bobby. She is one of those types of girls that you'd always imagine as someone really accessible. Like your next-door neighbor perhaps, or your cousin's cousin.

2. Princess Lana. Captain N: The Game Master.

Who wouldn't love the costume? The cute dress, the shapely figure, the colorful headdress---Princess Lana represents the adventurous sporty chick who, although of royal blood, will not hesitate to sleep in a haystack.

3. Baroness. G.I.Joe.

G.I. Joe, despite being a testosterone-filled show, also has its share of beautiful female characters. Yet despite the sophistication of Scarlett, and the rugged good looks of Lady Jaye, I still had eyes only for the Baroness. She comes off as a really hot villain, someone who would probably torture you with seduction before killing you. In one word: dominatrix. Dark hair, Eastern European accent, plus glasses---what a killer combo. Mmm...Baroness...

4. Teela. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

Teela has that fierce look on her face, possibly the result of being the only daughter of the brave warrior Man-At-Arms. She dresses in a specific color motif, all earth tones, which suggests her affinity with fighting and combat. Ooh, these warrior chicks are such a real turn-on.

5. Judy Jetson. The Jetsons.

Judy Jetson is definitely the most realistic girl on the list. She is not an Amazon queen-type woman, nor is she a princess from a distant land. She's just a regular chick, but a chick nonetheless. You can think of Judy Jetson as your classmate's pretty elder sister who was in high school when you were in grade school, or who was in college when you were in high school. Either way, older sister chicks always turn on the younger brother's friends.

6. Cheetara. ThunderCats.

Obviously one of the most popular of the cartoon heroines, Cheetara comes from a family of Saturday morning cartoons whose character composition is several males, some kids, and one sole female. What makes Cheetara hot is her gymnastics ability, her almost naked outfit, and her exotic make-up. One of the funniest anecdotes I can associate with Cheetara was from my friend Archie Uy. He mentioned that in the fifth grade, while on a class field trip, one of his classmates was caught jacking off at the back of the bus. When asked who he was fantasizing about, he admitted, "Cheetara."

7. Princess Zelda. The Legend of Zelda.

By now, you will see a pattern emerging in Saturday morning cartoon heroines. Most of them are princesses who have bad boys as their love interest. Princess Zelda is no exception. The only difference is: the costume. Take a look at the picture above. She was possibly the first cartoon princess to expose her midriff.

8. Princess Adora. She-Ra: Princess of Power.

Maybe it's just me, but I like She-Ra more when she is in her human form, Princess Adora, who is Prince Adam's twin sister. I find her She-Ra character just a bit too strong for me, like an ultra-strict disciplinarian. As Adora, she is just right, gentle, and not too commanding. You could call it innocence if you want, but it seems she couldn't hurt a fly, whereas her alter-ego could slice you open with her sword if she wanted to.

9. Jaime Robinson. Voltes V.

Jaime Robinson pilots Lander V, the spacecraft that looks like a pair of shoes (and which in fact transforms into Voltes V's two feet), and is the daughter of Commander Robinson. This is of course in the English version. Her Japanese name is Megumi Oka (how exotic!). Again you will notice she follows the same mold as Teela, who is also the daughter of a high-ranking soldier. These types of girls are known as "the general's daughter." Go figure.

10. Zandra. Voltes V.

Also from the same series, her Japanese name is Katherine Rii. Though she belongs to the bad side as a trusted servant of Prince Zardos, she redeems herself in the end by catching a bullet for her prince. But I didn't have a crush on her because she took a bullet. She just has that evil scowl on her face that makes her look even more beautiful.

11. Galadria. Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light.

There is nothing pretty remarkable about Galadria, apart from the fact that she can project herself as an astral dolphin, but she did stand out by being the sole female in an all-male group, like Cheetara. But she still is pretty, though.

12. Linka. Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

Technically, Linka shouldn't be on this list, because it should only cover cartoons during the eighties, while the series Captain Planet and the Planeteers began in 1990. Linka only got on the list because she always wore shorts, she had a sexy Russian accent, and she was prettier than Gi, the other girl who controlled Water (Linka controlled Air). But now that I'm older, I realized that she had terrible hair. Probably because the air keeps blowing it around.

13 Daphne Blake. Scooby-Doo.

Undoubtedly one of the hottest of the cartoon females, Daphne is my third favorite character after Scooby-Doo and Shaggy. That's because she's smart, beautiful, and sexy. And she's a redhead.

14. Wonder Woman. Super Friends.

Finally, although not one of the prettiest, she is definitely one of the strongest. She comes from a show that possibly started the "all-male-one-female-and-a-pair-of-kids" formula, which later shows like ThunderCats followed. However, she sometimes comes off as too serious, like a strict preschool teacher. But her costume is perfect. I wonder how many kids ever wished they were under her invisible jet while she was starting the engine.

* * *

These ladies were omitted from the list because I could not find any decent pictures of them on the net: Octavia of TigerSharks, and Debbie Callahan of Police Academy.

* * *

Of course the sexiest cartoon female is Jessica Rabbit, no contest. Only she appeared in a movie, not a T.V. show.

*Thanks to cinderellaariel.blogspot.com for some of the photos here.


Anonymous said...

haha! All this time I thought I was weird for having a crush on cartoon characters! =P

I think my biggest cartoon crush back in the day was She-Ra, Princess of Power. I think it was that hot, short-short skirt that she wore (which interestingly enough is now a staple of women's wardrobes)that made me go ape over her

...or possibly, it was because she had such a strong personality...maybe I like being ordered around? >:)

Unknown said...

AHA! I prefer anime although I grew up with these cartoons. Welcome nostalgia!

tina said...

judy jetson?? ^^; maybe it's 'cause i'm a girl, but i always thought of her as superficial and vain. i wondered what made her attractive to guys in the show; i guess your explanation sheds some light on that. ~.~;;

i don't see miriya sterling of robotech.

oh right, we kafagway kids had FEN during that time ;)

Anonymous said...

wt about Jesika Rabbit?

^"Of course the sexiest cartoon female is Jessica Rabbit, no contest. Only she appeared in a movie, not a T.V. show."

-Hope that answers your question. This is only for TV shows.

Unknown said...

ohhhhhhh zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sorry did i miss something?

(ha ha just kidding...but yep - it's a boy thing!)

^Oh Captain you are so mean haha.

(might as well answer all of them)

@Ousizch: Thank you.

@ACS: Adora over She-ra any day!

@The Explorer:

@tina: Do you have a younger brother? Do you have any of his friends crushing on you? Have you ever felt like Judy Jetson at any time in your life? Hahaha. You don't have to answer that.

@the jester-in-exile: Like I've been asking you countless times: Where the hell is kafagway?

@Anonymous: Okay, now what am I supposed to do with those emo boys? Haha.

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