Hey, Joe! What Next?

By far the best Joe movie is an anime ─ G.I. Joe: Resolute. And that is not surprising. Anime versions tend to explore the more adult-bent, while live-action Hollywood is more on securing a larger, family-friendly fan base. That, and because cartoons are far easier produced and distributed.

Evidently, while The Rise of Cobra more than successfully stirred some old and dormant Yo Joe! energies, the sequel Retaliation managed to bring it all down by relying on bad-school sequel-for-the-trilogy-in-waiting tactics.

While all these were going on, the Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow story arc seemed to be keeping them all in place. (I remember my first of only two Joe action figures back in the day. Guess who? He had a companion white dog Timber here, and it was the best issue my mum's money and my constant prodding and crying could buy. It kinda broke easily in the end. *Sniff* The second toy doll was Salvo. He mostly resembled Roadblock in Retaliation. Except that Salvo was white.) My only guess as to why the ninjas prefigured in all these is the same as when I was a kid ─ they are wildly interesting.

But Snake Eyes was not in the same light as he is in now. In the animated series, he was mostly in the background. And him being mute added to his place among the other Joes. However, the franchise has grown, and capitalizing on its strengths is but a natural course of action. How this "capitalizing" was carried out is a mixed bag.

A mixed bag of nuts. Like these guys.

Une Vie de Chat (A Cat in Paris) Review, or Seriously Academy? You Gave the Oscar to Rango?

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The title actually translates to A Cat's Life. But you know Americans and their translations. I mean, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo isn't even an accurate translation. It doesn't even come close.

Anyway, what's up, Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences? Why didn't this win the Oscar for Best Animated Film? I'll tell you why.

Because it's French.

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"But we French have ze best night skyline in ze world!"

As awesome as the animation is, with its distinctive French style, this film did not win the Oscar because of the simple fact that it was French.

The Artist took home five Oscars that night, which meant that France had already reached its award quota.

The Snipe News

"Seriously, zat's racist. We're out of 'ere."

And so the Oscar went to Rango. Which is strange, really. I had to struggle to keep awake watching Rango, while I was able to appreciate this film even without subtitles.

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Maybe we can have Gore Verbinski whacked by these French gangsters.

Une Vie de Chat (A Cat in Paris). France. 2010.



Rating: Eight and a half out of ten.

New ThunderCats Series. Episode 1

As you may or may not have already read, I am not particularly convinced that the world is need of a new ThunderCats series. But in the interest of Science (yes, Science!), I decided to check out the first episode that premiered last Friday anyway. (Also because my previous rant about the announcement of the new series got a lot of hits over the weekend.)

So let's start with the bad:

• I spent the first 10 minutes thinking I had accidentally downloaded a Furry version of Vision of Escaflowne or El Hazard. What is this world? This is not ThunderCats, by Thundera!



Welcome to Agrabah. City of mystery, of enchantment.

• The citizens of Thundera are complety ignorant of all things, "technology". Seriously, guys? The whole reason the original ThunderCats were alive when their SPACESHIP crash landed on a distant planet was because they were in SUSPENDED ANIMATION.
• Also, for some reason (and this is what irked me the most, honestly) Tigra is Lion-O's older brother (their father is a Lion, in case you were wondering) but it's Lion-O who is the crown prince. How does that even happen? Is Tigra a bastard? Was he adopted? Should he be renamed Ligra? Tigra's also a lot less ghei in the new series, boo. I liked that he was kinda sexually ambiguous before. Oh, was that just me?



Bromance

• I also can't get over just how anime everything looks. Haha.

On to the good:

• It takes getting used to, but it's actually very well done. The design of the castles, the buildings are gorgeous. The animation is fluid, although the incorporation of CGI with the 2D stuff isn't as smooth as it could be.
• I am also a little relieved that nobody looks like wrestling rejects anymore. No one's in speedo's yay! The costumes don't look as bad as I originally thought they did in the teasers, but Panthro still looks too much like Jet from Cowboy Bebop.

Overall, it's a pretty solid production with a very promising story. I just don't understand why it had to be a ThunderCat remake. You could replace all the 'Cats with original characters and still have the beginnings of a great animated series. I will admit, I got chills the first time Lion-O did the whole, "ThunderCats, HOOOOOOO!" bit.

Thunder, thunder, thunder, ThunderCats! Kamehameha!

So yeah, maybe I will tune in for next episode. For, you know, Science.



This review originally appears in Teluete's awesome blog, Gab Can Fly. Check it out.

Batman: Under the Red Hood

A new vigilante shows up in Gotham under the guise of the Red Hood─an alter-ego previously used by a number of other thugs but most notably by the Joker. Unlike his predecessors, this Red Hood has started cleaning up Gotham. And unlike Batman, he doesn’t think twice about killing. Batman and Nightwing team up to find out who exactly is under the hood, and to stop him at all cost.

This is a little darker, and a little more violent, than their previous relases, but DC's strength for me really is in their animated features (as opposed to their live-action movies) and Under the Red Hood a pretty solid production .

The action sequences in this are nothing short of awesome. There are rooftop chases, explosions, gratuitous crashing through glass ceilings, and headshots all around.

Voice acting was top-notch and they've got some pretty well-known names in the cast. As someone who compares every other Batman voice actor to the Kevin Conroy, I thoroughly approve of Bruce Greenwood. He manages to stay in the same neighbourhood as Conroy without sounding like a copycat, and makes the role his own. Neil Patrick Harris as Nightwing, Jensen Ackles as Red Hood and Jason Isaacs as Ra’s Al Ghul─all amazing. John DiMaggio as the Joker was a little too Heath Ledger-ish for me, I would have preferred something a little more maniacal, but the script balanced it out well.

My only qualms are one, where’s all the blood? Fantastic, no holds barred fight scenes, but very little gore. Granted, I’ve never seen someone get beaten to death with a crowbar in real life, but I expected a lot more blood and, I dunno, facial swelling.

Two, is it just me or was this a little short? The plot and the characters were well played out; I didn’t find the progression jarring at all. But when the credits rolled, it felt lacking. Maybe an additional fight scene or two would have rounded it out?

All in all, it’s a pretty solid Batman story. It dwells heavily on loss and vengeance and just completely blows you away.

9.75/10

Cartoon Crushes

A conversation with my brother yesterday inspired this post. I do not mean to be audience-selective, nor gender-insensitive, but this post will probably be appreciated most by heterosexual males who grew up in the 80s.

I am of course talking about Saturday morning cartoon heroines (and some villains). This was back in the day, when the Friday afternoon school bell was the greatest sound on earth, which meant that you had absolutely nothing to worry about for two days. And when you were young, two whole days in front of the tube was nothing short of paradise.

Here is a list (in no particular order) of the most beautiful women on Saturday morning TV in the eighties. These ladies were my first crushes, back when my idea of a date was crossing some sort of portal to the cartoon world and joining them in their adventures. It was only in retrospect where I realized how pathetic those fantasies were.


1. Sheila, the Thief. Dungeons and Dragons.

Sheila is that carrot-topped girl in Dungeons and Dragons with the invisibility cloak. She's also the elder sister of that pesky barbarian brat Bobby. She is one of those types of girls that you'd always imagine as someone really accessible. Like your next-door neighbor perhaps, or your cousin's cousin.

2. Princess Lana. Captain N: The Game Master.

Who wouldn't love the costume? The cute dress, the shapely figure, the colorful headdress---Princess Lana represents the adventurous sporty chick who, although of royal blood, will not hesitate to sleep in a haystack.

3. Baroness. G.I.Joe.

G.I. Joe, despite being a testosterone-filled show, also has its share of beautiful female characters. Yet despite the sophistication of Scarlett, and the rugged good looks of Lady Jaye, I still had eyes only for the Baroness. She comes off as a really hot villain, someone who would probably torture you with seduction before killing you. In one word: dominatrix. Dark hair, Eastern European accent, plus glasses---what a killer combo. Mmm...Baroness...

4. Teela. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

Teela has that fierce look on her face, possibly the result of being the only daughter of the brave warrior Man-At-Arms. She dresses in a specific color motif, all earth tones, which suggests her affinity with fighting and combat. Ooh, these warrior chicks are such a real turn-on.

5. Judy Jetson. The Jetsons.

Judy Jetson is definitely the most realistic girl on the list. She is not an Amazon queen-type woman, nor is she a princess from a distant land. She's just a regular chick, but a chick nonetheless. You can think of Judy Jetson as your classmate's pretty elder sister who was in high school when you were in grade school, or who was in college when you were in high school. Either way, older sister chicks always turn on the younger brother's friends.

6. Cheetara. ThunderCats.

Obviously one of the most popular of the cartoon heroines, Cheetara comes from a family of Saturday morning cartoons whose character composition is several males, some kids, and one sole female. What makes Cheetara hot is her gymnastics ability, her almost naked outfit, and her exotic make-up. One of the funniest anecdotes I can associate with Cheetara was from my friend Archie Uy. He mentioned that in the fifth grade, while on a class field trip, one of his classmates was caught jacking off at the back of the bus. When asked who he was fantasizing about, he admitted, "Cheetara."

7. Princess Zelda. The Legend of Zelda.

By now, you will see a pattern emerging in Saturday morning cartoon heroines. Most of them are princesses who have bad boys as their love interest. Princess Zelda is no exception. The only difference is: the costume. Take a look at the picture above. She was possibly the first cartoon princess to expose her midriff.

8. Princess Adora. She-Ra: Princess of Power.

Maybe it's just me, but I like She-Ra more when she is in her human form, Princess Adora, who is Prince Adam's twin sister. I find her She-Ra character just a bit too strong for me, like an ultra-strict disciplinarian. As Adora, she is just right, gentle, and not too commanding. You could call it innocence if you want, but it seems she couldn't hurt a fly, whereas her alter-ego could slice you open with her sword if she wanted to.

9. Jaime Robinson. Voltes V.

Jaime Robinson pilots Lander V, the spacecraft that looks like a pair of shoes (and which in fact transforms into Voltes V's two feet), and is the daughter of Commander Robinson. This is of course in the English version. Her Japanese name is Megumi Oka (how exotic!). Again you will notice she follows the same mold as Teela, who is also the daughter of a high-ranking soldier. These types of girls are known as "the general's daughter." Go figure.

10. Zandra. Voltes V.

Also from the same series, her Japanese name is Katherine Rii. Though she belongs to the bad side as a trusted servant of Prince Zardos, she redeems herself in the end by catching a bullet for her prince. But I didn't have a crush on her because she took a bullet. She just has that evil scowl on her face that makes her look even more beautiful.

11. Galadria. Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light.

There is nothing pretty remarkable about Galadria, apart from the fact that she can project herself as an astral dolphin, but she did stand out by being the sole female in an all-male group, like Cheetara. But she still is pretty, though.

12. Linka. Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

Technically, Linka shouldn't be on this list, because it should only cover cartoons during the eighties, while the series Captain Planet and the Planeteers began in 1990. Linka only got on the list because she always wore shorts, she had a sexy Russian accent, and she was prettier than Gi, the other girl who controlled Water (Linka controlled Air). But now that I'm older, I realized that she had terrible hair. Probably because the air keeps blowing it around.

13 Daphne Blake. Scooby-Doo.

Undoubtedly one of the hottest of the cartoon females, Daphne is my third favorite character after Scooby-Doo and Shaggy. That's because she's smart, beautiful, and sexy. And she's a redhead.

14. Wonder Woman. Super Friends.

Finally, although not one of the prettiest, she is definitely one of the strongest. She comes from a show that possibly started the "all-male-one-female-and-a-pair-of-kids" formula, which later shows like ThunderCats followed. However, she sometimes comes off as too serious, like a strict preschool teacher. But her costume is perfect. I wonder how many kids ever wished they were under her invisible jet while she was starting the engine.

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These ladies were omitted from the list because I could not find any decent pictures of them on the net: Octavia of TigerSharks, and Debbie Callahan of Police Academy.

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Of course the sexiest cartoon female is Jessica Rabbit, no contest. Only she appeared in a movie, not a T.V. show.


*Thanks to cinderellaariel.blogspot.com for some of the photos here.