Da Couch Tomato

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Nothing much to report. The show is still on a roll and being funny. This season, Penny and Leonard's relationship gets more developed. But who cares about that? Lead couples always thrive on keeping the couples together then apart, together then apart, together then apart. It's the circle of life until the series-ender, where they'd more likely end up together. Because, people, everything is actually a Disney fairytale.

On another bitter side note, it's getting annoying how they're not being consistent on Raj's love/sexual life. I know any show has its history blunders but I think the writers are particularly being careless with Raj. And in this season, I find Raj to be the funniest. I don't really know why he has to be the token loser-because-I'm-not-getting-any. He's already funny without that label.
9:19 PM
What the Universe does to me is that it speaks in mysterious and interesting ways. Do you remember the time when the Facebook (FB) community had a cute campaign against child abuse?? Yes, the one when the least of posters suddenly swarmed out, like the bored and boring adults (and kids alike) that they are, and put out their favorite cartoon-superhero as profile pictures. Bringing the FB world much closer to its queerer Twitter-home sister.
Oooohhh... uughhh.... Those fickly words tickle..
...it would be a shame then, had I not found my own, wihihi.
Timestamped: About a month before birds started falling from the sky
7:35 PM


A new vigilante shows up in Gotham under the guise of the Red Hood─an alter-ego previously used by a number of other thugs but most notably by the Joker. Unlike his predecessors, this Red Hood has started cleaning up Gotham. And unlike Batman, he doesn’t think twice about killing. Batman and Nightwing team up to find out who exactly is under the hood, and to stop him at all cost.

This is a little darker, and a little more violent, than their previous relases, but DC's strength for me really is in their animated features (as opposed to their live-action movies) and Under the Red Hood a pretty solid production .

The action sequences in this are nothing short of awesome. There are rooftop chases, explosions, gratuitous crashing through glass ceilings, and headshots all around.

Voice acting was top-notch and they've got some pretty well-known names in the cast. As someone who compares every other Batman voice actor to the Kevin Conroy, I thoroughly approve of Bruce Greenwood. He manages to stay in the same neighbourhood as Conroy without sounding like a copycat, and makes the role his own. Neil Patrick Harris as Nightwing, Jensen Ackles as Red Hood and Jason Isaacs as Ra’s Al Ghul─all amazing. John DiMaggio as the Joker was a little too Heath Ledger-ish for me, I would have preferred something a little more maniacal, but the script balanced it out well.

My only qualms are one, where’s all the blood? Fantastic, no holds barred fight scenes, but very little gore. Granted, I’ve never seen someone get beaten to death with a crowbar in real life, but I expected a lot more blood and, I dunno, facial swelling.

Two, is it just me or was this a little short? The plot and the characters were well played out; I didn’t find the progression jarring at all. But when the credits rolled, it felt lacking. Maybe an additional fight scene or two would have rounded it out?

All in all, it’s a pretty solid Batman story. It dwells heavily on loss and vengeance and just completely blows you away.

9.75/10
10:20 AM
Because this is a review of a football match, I'm going to let a friend of mine guest-blog. He's half-English, therefore knows a bloody lot more about football than I do. And also, he's an Azkal himself, and is the fourth reserve goalkeeper. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Garry Potter, Azkals.


Freezin' Our Balls Off: Post-Game Analysis of the Philippines v. Mongolia Series
by Garry Potter, Azkals

Oy. I'm Garry Potter, and I play goalkeeper for the Azkals. I've been asked to share me thoughts on yesterday's match, so here they are.

The last 24 hours 'as been a sad day for football. We lost the game to Mongolia, and Bayern München got knocked out o' the Champions League playoffs. No more Robben. Bollocks.

Anyway, despite losin' the match, the Philippines still advances to the group stage, based on an aggregate score of 3-2. If you don' understand the concept o' aggregate scores, then tha' means you are poor at math, and you should get a math tutor to explain it to you.

Me overall comment: Crappy football. Need I say more?

A'right, so James Younghusband scored in the fourth minute. And I heard people back in the Philippines were cheering like mad. Oh, if you only knew tha' the Mongolians were just warmin' up, you'd all have shouted at the top o' yer lungs, 'cause that'd be the last chance you'd have of cheering for the Motherland.

The Azkals moving at a leisurely pace after J. Younhusband's goal.

In case you didn't know, we were playin' in -7°C. That's seven degrees below zero. Celsius. None of tha' Fahrenheit bullshit. The only thing keepin' the water in our bodies from freezin' was our body heat.

The ball-freezin' temperature (and when I say "ball", I mean "scrotum") was what allowed the Mongolians to run circles around us and score two goals. Even if the Mongolians managed to tie the aggregate score, we still would've won, on the basis o' the "Away Goal" rule. The "Away Goal" was what won Inter Milan the series against Bayern. If you don' understand the concept of an "Away Goal", then I suggest you go to Google.com an' type in "away goal" in the search bar.

A lot of people are blamin' the goalkeeper, Sacapano. They were callin' 'im "Butterfingers". Partly 'cause he was wearin' yellow.

"M&M Peanut" doesn't sound as good.

Well, the man tried his best. It's just tha' with Etheridge gone, Sacapano had 'uge shoes to fill. Literally. That's 'cause Neil is taller, and thus wears bigger shoes. 

Oh, and Phil Younghusband pulled a hamstring. Which means no goals for the time being. And no goals means no dates wit' Angel Locsin. Now I can make me move. I have to announce it on Twitter as well, because tha' seems to be the most effective way of gettin' a date with Angel. But what do I say? Has to be somethin' neutral. It shouldn't appear like I'd want to get in her pants, even if I really do want to get in her pants. I know. How about:

Oy, @143redangel! Fancy a cup o' tea avec moi?

Now let's break that Tweet down, word-for-word.

Oy─I definitely have to begin with "Oy", 'cause it's English, and also Kapampangan, or somethin'.
@143redangel─'Cause it's Twitter.
Fancy─To emphasise that I'm half-English (see, I even spelled it as "emphasise").
cup o' tea─Again, 'cause I'm half-English. "Cup o' coffee" is so American.
avec moi─Gotta throw in a bit o' French in there, just to make it look classy. Wicked!

Now about the game. Well, I got nothin' more to say about the game except "crappy football". Yeah, we conceded two goals, but we shouldn't blame the keeper Sacapano. We should blame the coach, Herr Weiss. As soon as Mongolia scored the first goal, he should've put me in.


Ratin': Crappy a.k.a. 3/10 (for effort)


You can follow Garry Potter on Twitter and also check out his YouTube videos.


And that, ladies and gentlemen, is called "shameless plugging".


*some info from the Asian Football Confederation
pics from Mongolian Azkal Ako
6:17 PM

I was too young to remember Alfred Hitchcock's fame or too girly then to enjoy Monty Python. But I love theater, so I was excited to watch Repertory Philippines' second production for its 74th Season. And I took with me the laugh quota expectations I had when they previewed it late last year.

It was an "unconventional" kind of theater at first, seeing the characters (and not MIB: Men In Black) move their own sets and props. But the way they do it in character kind of adds to the comedy, really, so it wasn't off. The whole play uses a mix of movie and theater direction, as if the audience was served Hitchcock and Monty Python tossed in a salad. The lights (flickering lights to suggest slow-motion action) and sound design (upped echo to suggest a spooky mansion) also contributed largely to how the story reaches out to its audience. Special mention to the use of shadow play for select scenes which gave the re-staging of this classic a pinch of Pinoy creativity.

Did Pinoys invent shadow plays?
Answer in 10 seconds. Timer starts now.

The four actors did a lovely and an obviously veteran (which here does not mean "old" but "experienced") take on their roles. They really looked like they were having fun acting. To switch from one character to another, one accent to the next, one costume change after another and another, I believe only seasoned actors can seamlessly pull off. Rem Zamora, Juliene Mendoza, Liza Infante-Robinson, and Michael Williams (he played one character; he was good, too) all did. Hats off to the "clowns" Rem and Juliene, who played the bulk of the characters I'm at a loss to count.

We are not old—this red phone booth is. And it's Photoshop again, duh.

I know not of the book or movie but I know I laughed out loud a lot. The first half's quick pace wouldn't bore any type of audience. Difficulty deciphering dialogue under thick accents or not being a fan of whodunit plots—you'll still laugh out loud. But when the love angle was heavily played in the second part, I found it dragging the upbeat suspense plot. It's a whodunit thing first and foremost, not a who-ends-up-with-him thing.

Repertory Philippines' The 39 Steps gets a seven-point-eight out of ten, for having great actors but still not being able to sustain my LOLs.


*photos from vintersections.com, courtesy of Repertory Philippines
7:58 PM
A brilliantly defiant film of recent times is 2010’s Burlesque, a risqué musical drama featuring two divas: Christina Aguilera and Cam Gigandet. Cher also stars as a gay Cher impersonator running a burlesque club called─what else?─“Burlesque”. Seriously, what brilliant way to promote your burlesque club by calling it “Burlesque”. Who would want to go to a “Burlesque” club called “Church of the Holy Family” or “Jollibee”, am I right? Calling your burlesque club “Burlesque” has a quaint sincerity to it, much like a prostitute calling herself a whore; there’s no pretentions, no other promises, but to provide what you came in for.


Burlesque is the story of closet lesbian “Ally” played by Christina Aguilera. Ally came to Los Angeles to become a performer. In search of jobs, she ended up entering the world of “Burlesque”, Cher’s rundown lounge under threat of closure from bankruptcy. With no opening available for Ally─who describes herself as a simple cowgirl from Iowa─she picked up a tray and started working as a waitress.

Feel free to fill in the plot as to how Christina Aguilera vajazzled her way from serving drinks to squirting tennis balls out of her vajayjay on stage.

What is brilliant in this movie is the quiet intensity of how Aguilera portrayed a lesbian character. Everytime a half-naked woman is onstage, Aguilera’s eyes would gloss over with lust. Wide-eyed and in awe, Aguilera watched her co-workers perform burlesque routines one after the other. She would stare and gape at the girls on stage, and even when she was one of them, she would constantly be begging for their acceptance.

“You’re so beautiful,” she confessed to Kristen Bell’s Nicki.

With firm resolve to keep herself in the closet, Aguilera’s Ally turned to Cam Gigandet for sexual satisfaction. Lusting after women at work, and sleeping with a gay man in their downtime, Burlesque is no doubt this generation’s Sex and the City: honest, open, and a social commentary on how single people can be empowered by music and feathered boas.

Cher’s portrayal as a gay Cher impersonator is spotless. Using her immense acting skills, Cher’s facial expressions were rigidly held under control as what can only be cinema’s most brilliant display of understated emotions. Bravo, Cher!

It is with a heavy heart that I read the tweets about Black Swan winning more Oscars than Burlesque. Black Swan is an obvious rip-off of Burlesque, especially when you count all the goose feathers involved in both productions. Burlesque is this generation’s All About Eve, a story playing with the dynamics of females working under a stressful environment, and how it creates a situation for their homosexual tendencies to surface. This deeply disturbing narrative of a woman’s obsession to overcome her rival by “becoming” her rival herself is a study on female-to-female attraction and its potent sexual tension. This should have won the Oscar for Best Score, and by Score, I mean Cam Gigandet sleeping with a lesbian for guilt sex.


Rating: 4/10
3:02 AM
People who grew up in the 90’s are no doubt familiar with Hanna Barbera’s Yogi Bear. Hailed as “smarter than the average bear”, Jellystone Park’s resident picnic basket connoisseur is easily one of the most recognizable icons of the past decade. Together with his side-kick Boo Boo, Yogi delighted audiences with his daring exploits as the park’s phantom basketnapper.


It is with shock then that I saw the 2010 version starring the voices of Dan Akroyd, and Justin Timberlake. In the Nolan tradition of putting a darker spin to a beloved classic, the 2010 re-imagining of Yogi Bear portrayed the lovable character as a disturbing study of addiction in a downward spiral narrative reminiscent of Aronofsky’s Requiem for a Dream.


What was a delightful animated favourite was turned into a vividly frightening live-action thriller that pitted real actors with an actual bear. All for the sake of entertainment. Perhaps drawing influence from exploitation movies like Cannibal Holocaust, the director risked harm to his actors by exposing them to the threat of a wild animal for prolonged periods of time.

The film’s only redeeming character is the politician who wanted to shut down Jellystone Park. Certainly, in this day and age when politicians would compromise their views for just about anything (or a chance to be Pacquiao’s BFF), a politician with the political willpower to place his foot firmly on the ground and shut down Jellystone Park is a refreshing character to watch. Attn: Hollywood, we need more positive role models like this one.

In this chilling re-imagining, Yogi Bear is portrayed as a grizzly who is too smart for his own good. Rather than become a simple-minded bear who forages for food in the wild, Yogi plots and schemes to steal picnic baskets from parkgoers. He is aided by Boo-Boo, who is implied as a minor, and perhaps, Yogi’s lover as well. Perhaps the director is playing on the gay subculture term “bear” which means a chunky, mature male with significant amount of body hair and is prone to prey on younger males.

At the heart of the narrative is a disturbing tale of addiction. As the plot progresses, we see just how obsessed Yogi is about stealing. The viewers soon realize that stealing is not just Yogi’s means to survive, it has become his lifestyle. Even when circumstances no longer force him to commit his felonious acts, Yogi is bound by compulsion to keep stealing. In a heartbreaking scene, we see Yogi struggling to fight his demons, forced even to handcuff himself to a tree. And we see his demons triumph over his good sense when he can no longer stop himself from his obsession.

What a travesty that the bear is named “Yogi”, for yogis are revered men in India. A name that holds so much power is ironically turned synonymous to that of uncontrollable addiction and the helplessness to defeat one’s wayward ego.

What is even more shocking is the film’s total lack of remorse from the enablers around Yogi. True, they do not approve of his criminal behaviour, but neither do they do anything about it, save for occasionally yelling out his name. But doing that only satisfies the bear’s ego, for one corollary of the bear’s addiction is his need for attention. He steals as a compulsion, and his reward is the attention.

Yogi Bear is not your average Saturday morning cartoon re-imagined. It is a deconstruction of a family favourite into a study of the animal in every one of us. We are Yogi Bear, and look at what we have become.


Rating: 4/10
2:49 AM
This movie should teach everyone a valuable lesson, and it is this:

Just because it's Johnny Depp doesn't mean you have to watch it.

This, by the way, is a Nickelodeon and Industrial Light and Magic production, and marks ILM's first venture into CG-animation. And I'm so sorry to say that it actually failed in the character designs. First off, the title character himself:

The Hawaiian shirt isn't helping.
2:13 PM




I still fail to see what makes this show too popular, but I am beginning to get the hang of it.

Season 2 is way better than the first, mainly because the group chemistry is much more evident. Wait, no, the group chemistry is now existent. Every character is given more spotlight now (and by every character, I mean Howard and Raj too, not just one dimensional-portrayals of Sheldon, Leonard, and Penny). Plus, their interaction is now more silly than wordy.

Though Sheldon is still spouting his usual educational monologues, it is well balanced by everyone's antics. At one point, the writers even make fun of Sheldon's occasionally boring yet always lengthy monologue by having the gang interrupt resulting in Sheldon's uncontrollable facial tic.

But what I really like best about the group chemistry is each episode opener is reserved to show what these scientists do in their spare time. As opposed to Season 1 where the laugh track tells me to laugh at the gang because they went to a cosplay convention (Why would I laugh? That is so common already.), Season 2 actually shows funny, and more importantly, interesting invented spare time activities like Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Chess (thank you, Google—I just typed in "Big Bang Theory" and "chess" to find out the name). The Big Bang Theory fools me into thinking I could actually do something about my boring life!

Other noteworthy points this season are the sweet development of the Penny-Sheldon interaction and (of course) Summer Glau guest stars (eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.... eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!). Summer didn't do much. In fact, even her facial expressions didn't do anything at all. I guess she's just used to roles that don't require too much facial expressions. But who cares? It's Summer!

The Big Bang Theory exploits its target audience. As Sheldon would probably say: Well played, writers. Well played.
12:25 AM
To understand that statement, you must first understand the context.

Keempee
Mostly everyone knows Keempee de Leon, son of the Comedy Triumvir Joey de Leon. He was a matinee idol in the nineties, and his claim to fame lies in spawning a hairstyle that became a household name that ruled the last decade of the last century.


Wait, you can't really see the hairstyle from that angle. I'll give you a better picture.


There, that's better. That hairstyle, ladies and gentlemen, is probably responsible for more than half of the pregnancies in the nineties. Finally, Filipino males have found the perfect cut for our straight, dark Malay hair.

The guy with the hottest hairstyle will go home with both chicks.


In the nineties, you could go to any beauty salon in the Philippines, just tell them you want a "Keempee", and the hairdressers would take it from there.

And now, two decades later, a new little guy is spawning a cultural hairstyle revolution. That little guy's name is...

Baby James
Baby James Yap is the son of First Lady Kris Aquino and basketball star James Yap. His hairstyle looks like this:

Because he is Kris's son, you know those are real Wayfarers.

Baby James' hairstyle looks like a cross between a mohawk and an army cut. And we kid you not when we say you could go to any beauty salon in the Philippines, just tell them you want a "Baby James", and the hairdressers would take it from there.

There definitely has to be a Guinness World Record category for "youngest person to influence a national hairstyle fad".



*pics from Photobucket, Pinoy Exchange, Photobucket, Jobert Macadengdeng, and Barrio Siete.
3:39 PM
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