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Fast 5 a.k.a. Fast & Furious 5

The US title is Fast 5, but the Philippine release was titled Fast and Furious 5. You know, just to make sure everybody knows that this is the fifth film of that franchise about fast cars and rappers who want to switch careers. Of course, when you hear the words "fast and furious", it can only pertain to three things: 1) race cars; 2) tasmanian devils; and 3) Wolverine.

"My claws can act better than Paul Walker!"

And in keeping with the theme of the movie (even the subtitles were fast and furious, which was good, actually), here is a review that can be read in less than a minute. And because this is the fifth film, we'll place special significance on the number 5. Here are five points/observations on the movie, told with five images, described with five captions, with each caption having exactly five words each.

It's Grand Theft Auto: Rio.

Body temperature: ninety-nine degrees.

Furious biceps required by contract.

Dark skin equals comic relief.

Everybody lives... for Fast 6.

Fast 5 a.k.a. Fast and Furious 5. USA. 2011.

Rating: Two out of ten.
Elsa Pataky's hotness: Plus three points.
Gal Gadot's killer figure: Plus three points.
Gal Gadot's small breasts: Minus half a point.
Gal Gadot's flat buttocks: Minus half a point.
Jordana Brewster looking old and wasted: Minus one point.
Scene where The Rock takes the folder from Elsa Pataky and hurls it: Plus two points.
Paul Walker's invisibility due to his non-acting: Minus one point.
Not including Eva Mendes in this film: Minus half a point.
Resurrecting Michelle Rodriguez from the grave for the next film: Minus half a point.
Not knowing when to stop: Minus one point.
Final rating: Five out of ten.

*pics from, Comic Book Movie, YouTube and IMDb

You may also want to read the review for Fast & Furious.


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