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Zeke Film

I classify animated films into two categories: 1) time-killers; or 2) works of art. This film, sadly, belongs to the first category.

WHAT IS A TIME-KILLER?
Despite how awesome it may sound (like it's some villain from Doctor Who or something), time-killers do exactly what the name says: they kill time. It's the type of film you watch because there's nothing better to do while waiting for your wife as she gets her nails done.

Those Gallifreyan-like markings are probably a Doctor Who shout-out. 
6:19 PM
HBO

The show True Detective seems to have come out of nowhere. There wasn’t too much hype to promote it. I think its success was due mostly to word of mouth.

HBO
And, quite possibly, this man's Academy Award nomination (now win).

Well actually, True Detective’s success can also be attributed to these five things:

9:59 AM
This Is Infamous

Every once in a while, like every few years or so, a film about HIV or AIDS comes along. I think every generation has its own AIDS movie. Probably to remind the youngsters about the dangers of unprotected sex.

Focus Features/Truth Entertainment
Wait, a priest with AIDS? 
4:35 PM
Chud

The Lego Movie isn't really the very first Lego movie. There's Lego: The Adventures of Clutch Powers. There's also Lego Batman: The Movie – DC Super Heroes Unite. Those two, however, converted the cute appeal of the Lego Minifigures into computer-generated characters. Which means in those movies, the Minifigures bend, and I mean in curves.

Bendy legs: great but unrealistic.

What makes The Lego Movie different from those other Lego movies is that this one tries – and succeeds – in achieving the look of the stop-motion fan-made videos on YouTube. The characters don't bend at the knees, and everything is made of Lego pieces – from waves to smoke to clouds to flames.

Some people may prefer the streamlined look of Ninjago or Chyma, so the stiff animation style may not appeal to them. But there are still several reasons why you should go watch this flick. Here are five.

1. "Everything is Awesome"
Yes. That annoying but damn catchy theme song.

The Lonely Island: annoying but damn catchy.

2. The Schizophrenic Good Cop/Bad Cop
Of course we'll hear Liam Neeson's trademark Irish drawl. But we'll also hear him in a high-pitched goody-goody voice.

"Release the Kraken. The boy is the chosen one, you must see it."

3. Super Heroes
By which I mean "DC heroes", specifically Batman, Superman, and the Green Lantern. Three guesses why there aren't any Marvel heroes in here.

Everyone is happy in this movie. Even Gotham's Dark Knight.

4. The Wizard Vitruvius being voiced by God
By which I mean "Morgan Freeman". I also love how they just dangle him on a string to simulate being a ghost.

"My voice acting talent fee is quite expensive." -Morgan Freeman

And finally…

5. The Millenium Falcon
Yes, that's Anthony Daniels and THE Billy Dee Williams as C-3PO and Lando Calrissian.

No photo of the Millenium Falcon available, so here's Abraham Lincoln and Superman instead.



The Lego Movie. USA. 2014.



Original rating: 8.0 / 10
Chris Pratt's genuinely happy voice: + 0.05
Charlie Day's trademark scream: + 0.05
The meta-ness of the entire thing: + 0.05
Will Arnett's Batman performance: + 0.05
Channing Tatum as Superman: + 0.05
Jonah Hill as the Green Lantern: - 0.05
Live action bit at the end: - 0.05
President Business not being Will Ferrell-y enough: - 0.05
Final rating: 8.10 / 10





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4:33 PM
I Am Your Target Demographic

When asked to choose between Walking with Dinosaurs, 47 Ronin, and The Wolf of Wall Street, the answer was easy: the Scorsese film, of course. First, I didn't want to watch Ronin or Dinosaurs in 2D. Second, it's Scorsese.

It's most probably Scorsese if Leo DiCaprio is in it.
7:04 AM

Mumbai Loveis an ambitious Filipino movie that has a lot of potential and eyeliner. It's a rom-com that uses neat camera tricks (or whatever that's called in film jargon), such as couple-only slow-mo, or magically changing shirts off-frame, and also Bollywood dancing, which in my humble opinion looks better onscreen with a flash mob-like number of participants rather than just a few handfuls. It also aims to bridge the culture gap between Indians and Pinoys.

Ella: "Yes, we can flirt and all, but no kissing even on our wedding.
8:41 AM
Ah, 2013. It may not have been a good year meteorologically-speaking, but it was a great year for movies. The bad news is we've seen far less movies in 2013 compared to the previous year. The good news is we've seen those that actually matter.

Like most lists, this list isn't perfect. There might be one or two anomalies in here (such as The Lone Ranger) which should've gotten a lower rating, but the other writers of Da Couch Tomato haven't had time to write multiple reviews in order to bring down the average. Some also would've probably made it to the list, if only the writer didn't forget to add a rating (like Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters). But we don't do sleight-of-hand rating changes just because we don't like a film that much. We have integrity, and we stand by our rating. We just add a disclaimer.

Anyway, here are the Top 13 movies of 2013. Clicking on the title links back to the original review. And so we start with...

Number 13

Not a Daft Punk music video.
4:33 PM
Viva Ent on YouTube

I'd just like to answer some allegations that the film 10,000 Hours was about me, or loosely based on my life.

Yup. Totally based on my life.
3:40 PM
Thumbs down, Damon, for that shitty episode title.

Damon and Enzo's fight is short-lived. (Also both their quests to be the lead actor of the 50 Shades of Gray movie?) I would've enjoyed watching them battle it out for the whole episode. Seeing Damon not really fight Enzo showed just how much he's grown through the years—and he did a lot of growing up. Strongest evidence of that: the breakup.

More. More. More!
4:47 PM
Look at that Enzo 
He reminds me of the Damon I used to know—the Damon he would've been, if and when he'd straighten up a little, but still "medyo bad boy". Now, he's just the underdog of sorts. Part of me roots for Enzo more in the event that he faces he-who-left-him-to-burn. Because he's still alive! Giddy!

I wonder why he never managed to escape.
1:26 PM
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