Da Couch Tomato

An attempt at a new layout, with horrible glitches, and very minimal knowledge of HTML.

The Avengers


Da Couch Tomato was given the privelege to interview the Avengers. Not the actual characters, of course, but the actors who played them. However, since we are a Third World blog, they granted us only one question for each actor. The nerve. Anyway, we made the most of it.

Robert Downey, Jr.1
Iron Man
"I should've registered "Genius, Billionaire,
Playboy, Philantrophist" as a trademark."

Who is the alpha male in the group?
Tony Stark, of course. An alpha male is someone who provides the pack their food, their shelter, their basic needs. I'm that guy. Also, I'm the only one with a kissing scene─with Gwyneth Paltrow. I mean, come on.

But on the other hand, if I were really the alpha male, I would've gotten a kissing scene with Scarlett Johansson as well. All right, that's going into the contract for the Avengers sequel.

Chris Hemsworth2
"In the words of Mike Lowry, 'When I come,
I come with the thunder.'"

Is there any other superhero you wish was in the group?
Maybe Natalie Portman, who if you'll remember was in the previous Thor movie. If we continued our love story, we could end up with a lot of kissing scenes. Oh wait, Natalie Portman's character isn't a superhero.

Mark Ruffalo3
Bruce Banner/The Hulk
"I hope to be to the Hulk
what Christian Bale was to Batman."

How is your Hulk different from Eric Bana's and Edward Norton's?
Honestly, when I saw the test shot, you know, like a fully-rendered Hulk, I thought to myself, "Man, he looks like a cartoon!" I mean, he looks a bit funny, comical even, you know, because he's got my face, and his body's all out of proportion. But then again, isn't that how the Hulk really looks like in the comic books?

Chris Evans4
Captain America
Won against Captain Iraq, but lost to Captain Vietnam.

Does it not bother you that you played Steve Rogers, and you also played Johnny Storm a.k.a. the Human Torch, and that sooner or later there will be a Captain America and Fantastic Four crossover?
You're really not going to let that issue drop, are you?

Scarlett Johansson5
Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow
"I'm more than just a pretty face
and a great ass."

How do you deal with the fact that you're the only female in this sausage fest?
I'm not the only female, though. Pepper Potts is in it, although of course she's not really a superhero.

Tom Hiddleston6
"No, I am not Michael Fassbender."

How did you feel when they locked up your character in that glass cage?
I thought to myself, how typically American. They're all obviously threatened by superior British acting. So they lock me up in a cage.

Jeremy Renner7
Clint Barton/Hawkeye
He's crying under those shades.

How does it feel to be the lamest character in the group?
What's lame about perfect aim and pinpoint accuracy? And also, I'm not the lamest. I'm Natasha Romanoff's love interest. If I'm lucky, I might just be able to grab her butt and kiss her in the Avengers sequel.

Samuel L. Jackson8
Nick Fury
"The only drawback to the eyepatch is
viewing Scarlett Johansson's ass
one butt cheek at a time."

Is there any movie you won't do?
What the fuck?

Sadly, we weren't able to meet Joss Whedon. We would've wanted to thank him for those wonderful shots of Scarlett Johansson's butt.

Even the gods are
thankful, Mr. Whedon.

1 Not really Robert Downey, Jr.
2 Not really Chris Hemsworth
3 Not really Mark Ruffalo
4 Not really Chris Evans
5 Not really Scarlett Johansson
6 Not really Tom Hiddleston
7 Not really Jeremy Renner
8 Not really Samuel L. Jackson

The Avengers. USA. 2012.

Rating: Eight and a half out of ten
Scarlett Johansson's butt: Plus 0.1 for every clear shot
Number of clear shots of Scarlett Johansson's butt: Three
Final rating: Eight point eight out of ten


Premium Blogspot Templates
Copyright © 2012 Da Couch Tomato