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"Can we get porn on this thing?"

•The best part of Avengers: Endgame is not the fact that it's a superhero movie, nor is it the fact that it is the final film in possibly the first cinematic franchise of different films sharing an interconnected universe. The best thing about this flick is its genre, and that is time travel, my favourite movie genre ever. A time-heist, in the words of Scott Lang (the Ant-Man, played by Paul Rudd). It even ranks itself among other great time travel movies such as Back to the Future, The Terminator, Bill and Ted, Somewhere In Time, Hot Tub Time Machine, and Time Cop, among others. Then it differentiates itself from the rest by basically saying Back to the Future was bullshit.

•Captain America (Chris Evans) is worthy of Mjolnir. Although I was a Marvel fan as a kid, my Marvel knowledge was mostly limited to the X-Men and Spider-Man. Imagine my suprise when Cap is finally revealed to be worthy of lifting both Mjolnir and Stormbreaker (although this was already hinted at in Avengers: Age of Ultron). Weapon interchangeability is kind of new to me, see.

•When we see Cap at the end, when he hands over his shield to Falcon (Anthony Mackie), he is an old man. But if he returned all the stones to the moment they were taken, then that means the original timeline was preserved. But he married Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell), so that means he created a new timeline where they grew old together. That's a plot hole right there, but apparently that can be explained by having him live out his new timeline and then travel back to the original timeline to give his shield away. That is if we work under the assumption that Pym particles can make you travel not just back and forth in one timeline, but across different alternate timelines as well. But that's a stretch, if you ask me.

•Captain America is a title. Just like Black Panther is a title. And Sorcerer Supreme. Captain America is not Steve Rogers, but rather Steve Rogers is Captain America. They are not interchangeable. When Steve Rogers dies, the mantle of Captain America can be passed on to another worthy person. In the same way, T'Chaka was the previous Black Panther before he died and his son T'Challa (Chadwick Boseman) became the new Black Panther. Also like how the Ancient One (Tilda Swinton) held the title of Sorcerer Supreme before it was passed on to Doctor Stephen Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch).

•Ant-Man time-travelled, but Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner) was first. Although the whole time travel idea was Scott Lang's (as well as the term "time heist"), his previous experience wasn't time travel per se, but more of getting lost in the quantum realm and realising time had passed differently for him. The first proper time traveller who travelled to a specific time and space was Hawkeye. But following the rules of time travel, he shouldn't have taken that baseball glove with him. I hope they put it back to the point it was taken so as not to mess up any timelines.

•The girl power scene would have been great with Natasha Romanoff (Scarlett Johansson). Of course we all loved the girl power scene in Avengers: Infinity War, and we also adore the character that embodies girl power itself, Captain Marvel (Brie Larson). But even before the strong female characters in the MCU, Black Widow was already whooping supervillain ass. She was the first among Marvel's lovely lady warriors, and now she is gone. Not to worry, though. I hear she's getting a prequel spinoff. Yay.

•The new Hulk is kinda weird. And I am bothered by it. Maybe it's because he speaks straight now? I don't know. I must have gotten so used to "Hulk smash" that any complete sentence, no matter how short, will sound so out of character. Or maybe it's because he just looks so damn like Mark Ruffalo. I really don't know. I am still bothered by it.

•Marvel went for misdirection in the Captain Marvel film by teasing that Captain Marvel can whoop Thanos's ass. Actually, that's not entirely accurate. Captain Marvel can hold her own against Thanos, sure. But to say that she can whoop Thanos's ass implies Thanos hardly putting up a fight, which wasn't the case at all. No one single hero can beat Thanos in a one-on-one fight. It takes teamwork, strategy, strength, and a whole lot of luck.

•Regarding Captain Marvel's hair, my question is this: is she or is she not a lesbian? Yeah, I know, you can't judge a person by his or her haircut, but this is cinema, ladies and gentlemen, a visual medium. The most effective way to depict a tomboy is to show her with boy's clothes, or really short hair. It's that or showing her and her lover in the scissors position, so yeah.

•Good job, Marvel, for bringing back even the minor characters from the previous films. That's a big feat, considering Natalie Portman didn't want anything to do with it anymore. Well, Natalie Portman didn't return for Endgame; they used old footage from the Thor movies. But almost everyone came back, even Rene Russo as Thor's mom, Benedict Wong, Evangeline Lilly, and a lot more. A whole lot more.

Two of you are going to die in this film.



Avengers: Endgame. USA. 2019.



Original rating: 8.6/10
Shout-out to the great time travel movies: +0.1
Stan Lee cameo: +0.1
Ant-Man's comic book helmet: +0.1
Robert Downey, Jr.'s last Marvel film: -0.1
Final rating: 8.8/10
6:19 PM
Another big-budget bonanza.

Captain America: Civil War feels like an Avengers movie marketed as a Captain America flick, probably because it’s too soon to have another one after Avengers: Age of Ultron.

Although there are twelve superheroes in this flick which, even discounting Bucky the Winter Soldier (Sebastian Stan), is more than the number of heroes in Age of Ultron, somehow it doesn’t feel too crowded. I’d say the reason for this is because this film focuses on the relationship between the two poster boys Captain America (Chris Evans) and Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.). This gives the filmmakers enough room to flesh out the relationship between them, relegating the rest to supporting roles, which helped focus the storytelling.

Anyway, I’d hold back on the Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice comparisons, first because that film wasn’t a proper ensemble movie, and second because Civil War pulled off the “friendship over” theme better by setting up the conflict more effectively.

Team Cap posing for a photo.

Now whether you liked the film because of its adrenaline-pumping action sequences, or because of its mature themes of friendship and betrayal, here are five more reasons to go see it.

5. The Black Panther
Although not that well-known compared to the other heroes in this flick, T’Challa a.k.a. Black Panther (Chadwick Boseman) gets enough screen time and action sequences to summon a following strong enough to translate into box office ticket sales. That is when he gets his own stand-alone movie in a couple of years.

4. A huge Ant-Man
If you’ve never heard of Ant-Man before Paul Rudd, that’s okay, despite him being one of the founding members of the Avengers in the comic books. So I guess it also follows that you know nothing about how Ant-Man’s powers work, which would make giant Ant-Man a welcome treat.

3. A young Robert Downey, Jr.
I don’t know why I’m the only one raving about this reverse-aging technology, but I’ve been excited about it since The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. What are some of the repercussions of being able to physically make an actor look younger? Well, a Han Solo spin-off movie, for starters. With Harrison Ford still playing himself. I know, right?

2. A young Peter Parker
Now this… this is Spider-Man. I’ve been a fan of the web-slinger from the comics, and I can tell you that this iteration of Peter Parker is the one that comes closest to the comic books. It’s actually because the original Peter Parker was a teenager when he donned the Spidey outfit, which is why Tom Holland is now my favourite onscreen Spider-Man.

1. A hot Aunt May
Two words: Marisa Tomei. ‘Nuff said.

Wipe that drool off your chin, boy.




Captain America: Civil War. USA. 2016.



Original rating: 8.5 / 10
Unrecognisable Daniel Brühl: + 0.1
No Scarlett Johansson nudity: - 0.05
No Elizabeth Olsen nudity: - 0.05
Too much Jeremy Renner: - 0.05
Stressed out Don Cheadle: - 0.05
Not enough Falcon: - 0.05
Final rating: 8.35 / 10
4:20 PM
YouTube

*PISS OFF IF YOU HATE SPOILERS*

Through this movie, I shall be teaching you "How to Bleed a Franchise Dry".

1. First, let everyone know that the studio owns the brand, not the actors. Any actor is basically expendable. And yes, I still have hang-ups over Don Cheadle replacing Terrence Howard.

Yeah, just stay in that armor, so I can imagine it's still Terrence Howard.
5:49 PM
YouTube

Da Couch Tomato was given the privelege to interview the Avengers. Not the actual characters, of course, but the actors who played them. However, since we are a Third World blog, they granted us only one question for each actor. The nerve. Anyway, we made the most of it.

Robert Downey, Jr.1
Iron Man
"I should've registered "Genius, Billionaire,
Playboy, Philantrophist" as a trademark."

Who is the alpha male in the group?
Tony Stark, of course. An alpha male is someone who provides the pack their food, their shelter, their basic needs. I'm that guy. Also, I'm the only one with a kissing scene─with Gwyneth Paltrow. I mean, come on.

But on the other hand, if I were really the alpha male, I would've gotten a kissing scene with Scarlett Johansson as well. All right, that's going into the contract for the Avengers sequel.
11:58 AM

For this review, Da Couch Tomato was fortunate enough to interview the director and a few cast members of the Sherlock Holmes sequel, A Game of Shadows. Here is a transcript of that interview.


**NOTE: Not really an interview**


DCT: First off, congratulations, Mr. Guy Ritchie, on a nice film.

GUY RITCHIE: Nice?

DCT: Yeah, a nice film.

RITCHIE: That's all you have to say? "Nice"? Not great, or awesome?

DCT: Well, I just saw the second episode of BBC's Sherlock season 2. Now that was awesome. This was just... nice.

(Guy Ritchie gets up and leaves)
9:16 AM

From the title itself, you know this is about a pregnancy. But from the poster, you know that this stars Robert Downey, Jr. and Zach Galifianakis. So who's giving birth?

Certainly not the alpha male of this flick.

It's actually Robert Downey, Jr.'s wife who's pregnant. And she's played by Michelle Monaghan. Who I don't really fancy. Not my type. But she sure is Jamie Foxx's type. Wait, so how does this play again? RDJ and Jamie Foxx have been friends for like twenty years. Foxx and Monaghan used to date. And Monaghan is now married to RDJ. Yet Foxx and Monaghan still keep in touch. The situation is so absurd that everyone was half-expecting Monaghan's baby to be black.

Not really his baby. Got you there.

Wait, so how does Zach Galifianakis come into the picture? As an unwanted asshole, that's how. Funny how Galifianakis's roles are always assholes. It's not because of the beard, is it? I mean, beards don't make assholes, right?

Does that not look like an asshole to you?

Finally, speaking of beards, I don't think Galifianakis can do proper comedy without his beard. I'll bet that if you shave his beard off, he loses his comedic powers. Kind of like Samson. That's why in The Hangover Part II, he shaved his head, but not his beard. So I'm betting that in his next flick, he still has the beard.

Speaking of which, the director Todd Phillips also directed both Hangover films. Which is probably why Galifianakis gets to be just as annoying in this film.


Due Date. USA. 2010.


Rating: Six and a half out of ten.
Danny McBride's cameo: Plus point three.
Final rating: Six point eight out of ten.



*some info from IMDb
pics from VLC
9:48 AM

I want Terence Howard.

Not "want" in a sexual way. "Want" like I-think-Terence-Howard-would-be-better-than-Don-Cheadle way.

Not that I have anything against Don Cheadle. He's a great actor. But I just have problems with continuity. I really can't stand it when film franchises change actors midstream. I can only forgive actor changes when the cause of change was death. Like what they did with Professor Dumbledore in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, or the Oracle in The Matrix Revolutions.

Anyway, the story was...bleh. I was expecting something flashier. I mean, it's Iron Man, come on. He's like the coolest non-superpower super hero since Batman. And yet, this film seemed to be wanting in action sequences. Not a great way to start the Hollywood summer line-up.

So since I can't find anything to nitpick story-wise, I'll just pick on the actors.

Robert Downey, Jr.: In the words of the great Stan Lee, "'Nuff said." Robert Downey, Jr. equals Iron Man. Period.

Don Cheadle: Sorry, but I still want Terrence Howard.

Gwyneth Paltrow: I sincerely believe she genuinely enjoys playing Pepper Potts. Maybe she gets a real kick out of it. Who knows.

Scarlett Johansson: Yum. Okay, let me say that again. YUM.

Samuel L. Jackson: How many movies does he plan to make before he retires? Does he plan to surpass Christopher Lee's record? I hope not.

Sam Rockwell: I was genuinely entertained by Mr. Rockwell's performance. Bravo.

Mickey Rourke: I salute Mr. Rourke for the effort he put into this role. His Russian accent is more than an accent, as he has even captured the grammatical errors. Good job, Mr. Rourke.

Jon Favreau: I would've normally criticized him for having a small role in his own movie. But of course, directors are gods, and they can do whatever they want. And he was funny, by the way. So he is hereby forgiven.

So again, special effects are top-notch. But the story was so-so. But watch it, anyway, especially if you loved Iron Man, the first film.

And I still want Terrence Howard.


*some info from IMDb
pic from newsoftheworld.co.uk


Iron Man 2. USA. 2010.


Original Rating: Seven out of ten.
Using Don Cheadle instead of Terrence Howard: Two out of ten.
8:50 AM

Three words: Pretty. Heavy. Shit.

Such seems to be the screen tragedy for all great musicians. Beethoven. Mozart. And now Ayers.

This is a true story by the way. And Jamie Foxx does a damn great job. I sincerely believe Jamie Foxx is one of the most talented actors of his generation.

Robert Downey, Jr. doesn't really shine in this movie. But he doesn't suck either. Though his chemistry with Foxx is undeniable. I think Downey can work with anyone. He's a great team player.

The story was good. The acting was great. But the storytelling was too dragging. And that, I believe, is where it failed.

But Catherine Keener is still hot.


*some info from IMDb
pic from gloaminganddawn.wordpress.com


The Soloist. UK/USA/France. 2009.


Rating: Five point nine out of ten.
5:50 PM
By Mary Quite Contrary
9 Jul 2010, 14:27

Everyone loves a good mystery.

I wanted to watch Sherlock Holmes as soon as it was released on the big screen, which was last January 8, 2010 in the Philippines. That was six months ago. I’ve also been asking myself why I don’t review films anymore. Before, time was the issue and how there isn’t enough to watch all the films I wanted, much less to write about each one. Now you ask, “Why are you writing this now?” Being a film student, it was required by every major subject. As a film graduate, ideally, I should make time for it. Easier said than done, but I want to try. Talk, about a film as with any creative work, is as important as the watching. You can’t just let it rot in your brain. Something must always come out of the taking. Hopefully that something adds to what’s already out there.

Also, I’m in the mood.

Truth is, I haven’t read Sherlock Holmes. The closest thing to a detective novel I had my hands on (Harry Potter aside) was Nancy Drew from our grade school library, so I won’t be having a comparison on the points of variation from Sir Arthur Conan Doyle. In any case, I don’t know how many times I’ve said this to fans of “the book version is always better than the film”: Different media have different strengths and limitations; you can’t expect every favorite detail in a novel to come out in the film. Doy.

This film by Guy Ritchie came out in good time. Amidst every comic book superhero to be reborn on the big screen, Sherlock Holmes stands out like the Batman of the industrial revolution. Cinematography and special effects dolled up the movie just like a Marvel adaptation, but I like the creepy vignette in the OBB and again in flashbacks on clues, smoothly using a blinding flash similar to that of 19th Century photography. The music spells out “mystery” in all kinds of tingly sensations that it scored so high in my book.

Like Batman, Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey Jr.) is full of gadgets, likes chemistry, has inside connections with the police, knows his city like the back of his hand, doesn’t have super powers but is amazing at street fighting, has a faithful sidekick John Watson (Jude Law), and loves a good mystery.

I don’t know much about the real lives of superheroes but I do know that most sidekicks throughout cinematic history are beneath the hero in social class and intellect for slapstick purposes. I’m pleased with this treatment of the sidekick where Watson is assertive and independent from Holmes. By independent, I mean having his own career and on the same social class, offering a more challenging dynamic of wit and power between the two. Not to mention the hot slab of bromance!

In the movie, their relationship is at a turning point of Watson leaving the duo for Mary Morstan (Kelly Reilly), to which he is (in the beginning) engaged to, but without a ring. Holmes, bordering on needy, is reluctant to believe that Watson is serious with settling down, at the risk of losing a sidekick to his adventures whom he can “thoroughly rely on.” Watson, on the other hand, remains unwavering in his decision that “this is happening” with or without Sherlock's consent. Throughout the film, this conflict is milked in all its glorious—but subtle—gay humor. With Robert Downey Jr.'s crazed acting and Jude Law being… himself, who can possibly resist? Some straight guys I know also got excited.

As Holmes laughs at Watson’s plans of marriage, so does Watson at Holmes’ taste in women. Irene Adler (Rachel McAdams), a thief of men’s hearts and money around the world, is the only woman who’s ever outwitted Sherlock. If Batman has Catwoman, Holmes has Irene, who gets past his security system and turns all his screws loose. The coy playfulness between lovers-turned-enemies-turned-comrades-in-arms to fight a greater evil than each other is a win for the casting of Robert Downey Jr. and Rachel McAdams. Watson's fiancée Mary is initially suspected by the detective to have it in for the doctor’s stature, to which she throws her drink to his face and doesn’t help him out of jail later on. Sherlock’s rash judgment may have been caused by his previous divorce with Irene. The two leading ladies may seem to be opposites of each other at first glance: one secretive and the other prim. We eventually discover that both are rightly proper and rightly devious in their own respect. And so are their leading men: Holmes is useless to society without a case to solve; Watson is as reserved as any good doctor. The lure of mystery and the thrill of the chase are what binds them. Holmes becomes order, calculating beyond imagination, and Watson turns to chaos, seeking out danger, saving each other's necks every time.

Again, apt for my superhero comparison is this classic problem of world domination. Lord Blackwood is sentenced to death only to rise from the grave, causing a wave of panic and the ugly dread of dark magic. He can only give us a vague reason of England’s weak and corrupt government for his own pompous greed and ambition. Sad, I know, though I really didn’t expect much politics in this eye-candy. Wait, it gets better. The plot may be character-driven but the good vs. evil blah serves only as a backdrop against the much stronger pull of the curious mind, the characters’ desire to reveal a mystery and hopefully get to live to tell the tale. Spotlight is on whether logic can master the mystic.

“There’s nothing more stimulating than a case where nothing goes your way.” – Sherlock Holmes


*screencaps from IMDb


(Read more on Sherlock Holmes after the jump.)
7:40 PM
So as not to anger the true Holmes fans, it has been made clear from the onset that this film is not based on the canon. Sort of like fan fiction for movies.



Anyway, it's Sherlock Holmes. It's Robert Downey, Jr. It's Jude Law. It's Guy Ritchie. Who cares about Rachel McAdams?

*video from mottey2501 at YouTube



You may also want to check out the other Sherlock Holmes reviews from Sting Lacson and Mary Quite Contrary and Cholo Mercado. 
5:33 AM
If you're on serious mode, go watch Body of Lies. If you're on kiddie mode, watch Igor. But if you just want to laugh, then go see Tropic Thunder.

Of course, the premise is not new. Other films have been done before using the "film-within-a-film" approach, like Living in Oblivion for example. But I think Tropic Thunder takes the humor to a whole new level.

The story is just about some movie stars filming a movie set in the jungles of Vietnam. That's it. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's go to the cast.

A film like this, meaning a movie-within-a-movie type, will not be as effective if there is no all-star cast. And that's what Tropic Thunder has─a powerhouse cast. Jack Black, Robert Downey, Jr., Nick Nolte, Matthew McConaughey, and Tom Cruise himself, just to start the ball rolling. And those are just the A-list stars. There are lots of other known actors in this film; too many, in fact, that if I name some of them, I'd have to name all of them just to be fair.

Jack Black is hilarious as Jeff Portnoy, the actor slash addict, and Jack Black does what Jack Black does best: act weird. Try to imagine a toned-down version of his role in Orange County (the film, not the TV series), only here, there is no actual drug use, but withdrawal symptoms. And Jack Black does a great job of playing a really obnoxious character without upstaging the others.

Now of course, there's Robert Downey, Jr., who plays Kirk Lazarus, method actor extraordinaire. Nobody doubts Downey's acting abilities, and here he cements his status as one of the best method actors in the business today. And one of the best quotes from Downey: "I don't drop character until I've done the DVD commentary."

Tom Cruise of course surprises us all with his terrific performance as Les Grossman, the potty-mouth studio mogul who swears at a rate of probably thirty profanities per minute. Mr. Cruise had to wear some prosthetic make-up for the role, and he comes off as practically unnoticeable, unless you know the sound of his voice. Well, he may sound like Tom Cruise, but he sure doesn't act like Tom Cruise. This is in fact one of those rare moments where Cruise sheds his poster-boy image and unleashes his funny side.

And last but not the least, Mr. Ben Stiller himself. Stiller is in fact pretty comfortable just staying in the background while the rest of his co-stars do the dirty work. But he sort of glues the whole movie together with his presence, which is of course a given, seeing as he co-wrote, produced, and directed the entire film. Ben Stiller's directing ability has never been in question; it's just that most of the recent films he's acted in haven't done too good in the box office. But this film redeems him, and let's hope he sustains this lucky streak.

There are several elements of a movie-within-a-movie type of film. These are 1) a star-studded cast, or at least a lot of known actors; 2) homage to previous blockbuster hits (I said homage, not parody); 3) constant references to other films; and 4) an insight into the world of movie-making or show business in general. This film has all of these elements, and it also has lots of humor without crossing over to the realm of spoof movies like the Scary Movie franchise. All in all, great movie, great direction, great cast.


Rating: Four and a half stars.
2:25 AM

Iiiiiiiirrrrrooooooonn Maaaaaaannn...

That is the proper way to say it. Your voice should warble, and it should sound like it's coming out of a tin can.

Where else can you start but with Robert Downey, Jr. Mr. Iron Man himself. Every review you read will praise his performance. I would too, but I'd just be repeating what those other critics said. Director Jon Favreau made a real smart move in casting Downey as Tony Stark, as the personal journey of Robert Downey Jr. is said to be very similar to the one Tony Stark undergoes. But that's just trivia. Downey's performance is great. Period.

Jeff Bridges is almost unrecognizable as the bald Obadiah Stane, and Terrence Howard, who plays the future War Machine, gives the right amount of comic relief without resorting to cheap slapstick. In fact, everything in Iron Man is just right; nothing too fancy, and nothing too dry either. Just perfect. Even Gwyneth Paltrow, who you wouldn't expect to see in a Marvel flick, just delivers really well.

Catch Stan Lee's usual cameo here (he plays a Hugh Hefner look-alike). Better yet, catch the movie while it's on the big screen. I'm sure that after watching this, most of the guys would start growing their goatees. Tony Stark really leaves an impression. He's a great superhero, but he still retains that bit of a jerk in him. And believable superheroes are what viewers are looking for nowadays.

This is Marvel Entertainment's first project, and what a great start it is for them. And this is definitely not the last, as there are several great titles already lined up. Just a tip to the audience: stay until the credits stop rolling. There's a surprise at the end.


Rating: Four stars.
5:20 PM
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