Horrible Bosses

All right, you may think that this is a Judd Apatow comedy, but it's not.

So here are the horrible bosses:

Dave Harken (Kevin Spacey)

"Listen, I don't care if you played Teen Wolf too."

Kevin Spacey, you're always a tool. It's not hard to imagine you as a bad guy. And you are literally a bad guy in this movie, as you're the only one who shot someone dead.

Bobby Pellit (Colin Farrell)

Mr. Farrell, I love what you do with your Irish accent every time you're in a Hollywood movie. What do you do? Do you declare it at customs? Do you leave it at an airport locker somewhere and just get it before going back to Ireland? What do you do with it? Where does it go?

and finally...

Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S. (Jennifer Aniston)

Really, who doesn't want their boss doing this to them?

Oh, jolly good, Ms. Aniston. You've bounced back. Yes, I know Brad left you for a hotter woman, but who says you're not hot? Really, you are smokin'. Very, very good.


Okay, rest of the cast, not bad, yadda yadda. Jason Bateman is always a great team player. Yadda yadda. Julie Bowen is hot. But I think I've already mentioned that before in some Modern Family review. Yadda yadda. And Charlie Day sounds like a whiny Chris Romano when he shouts. Yadda yadda.


Horrible Bosses. USA. 2011.


Rating: Seven and a half out of ten
Meghan Markle's hot cameo: Plus point three
Final rating: Seven point eight out of ten


*pics from TQN here and here, and fastcache.gawkerassets.com

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 5: "The Reckoning"

Loved the twist on the hybrid curse that made this.

Now, this is more like the show I love. Boom, boom, boom all the way.

I have high respect for Paul Wesley's acting, and I think it works because he really isn't convincing anyone with his "bad but really good guy" stint except for Klaus, who I'm pretty sure slipped a hint of humanity in front of his bratty little sister. I have a hunch Rebekah is not bad to the bone, as is her brother. (Joseph Morgan is really fabulous, especially with his accent. How can you hate the guy when he's calling every girl, "love"?) That line is more blurry now that there's a new bad(?) guy in town.

Meet Mikael, a vampire who haunts vampires.

It's always nice to see Jeremy and Anna. Matt and Vicky only spell disaster, if you ask me. Bonnie needs to gain more powers and the show needs to give witchcraft more juice. Katherine will be Katherine, I guess. Looking at the first photo, yes, Tyler's a hybrid now and Caroline's worried. Stefan's going full-bad, but I hope they didn't just do that for Damon and Elena to progress, because I think "Delena" kind of only works if they can't have each other. At least for now.



*screencaps courtesy of VLC

The Secret Circle. Episode 5: "Slither"

Grandma Witch is in on the secret now.

To be honest, I like demon-possessed Melissa more than the insecure Melissa. Her acting is more effective in bitchy roles. The make-out session between Adam and Diana is not that convincing, even with the whipped cream. The upside of it all, "Grams" (as the Charmed ones called their grandmother).

Downside, if you can call it that? Nick's dead. Do you remember him? Even his touching moments in this episode is not enough for me to care. Yes, it's sad only because he's part of the circle and his death means... no more circle? Unless they bring in someone else who has to be related to Nick and would make girls swoon uncontrollably. If this show is following the footsteps of The Vampire Diaries wherein they shockingly killed off a main character after a few episodes in its maiden season, well, it doesn't really cut it for me here. What I feel is not shock; more like, "That's it?"

One less reason for the girls to watch this show.

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

The Secret Circle. Episode 4: "Heather"

That's Heather, all right.

Heather was possessed by a demon in the form of a worm and rendered catatonic by Cassie's mom to contain it inside her—for sixteen years. Cassie lifted the spell, and now the story line has demons. Okay, there was also an upped level of suspense, but only until Faye's one-too-many screams kind of destroyed that.

Cassie is turning out to be so annoying. Instead of trying to think or act, she asks too many questions and just stands there, boobs perky and all, with an expression of shock in her face. "How can there be demons?" Really, you're a witch and you can't believe demons exist? Come on!

The big cliffhanger? Heather is dead; the worm is now in Melissa.



*screencap from VLC

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 4: "Disturbing Behavior"

It's so nice to see Anna has more screen time than Vicky. 

Stefan is on dangerous ground, and not in the good-versus-evil type I was hoping for. It's stupid of me to question his motives after a rendezvous with his Original lady love. Pffft. Damon was more convincing playing a bad-good-guy than Stefan was at being the good-bad-guy. I would still not peg Rebekah as bad, though; she has impeccable instincts which she relies on more than anything else. Klaus bringing the game back in Mystic Falls is just clever, but I'm going to miss the totally bad-ass witch because not a lot of people can tell Klaus to "take it outside". I'm also not that enthusiastic about Alaric being so uptight or Damon going with Katherine, but I'm willing to go with it. Because after the previous episode, this one is kind of plateaued. Except maybe for the Jeremy and Anna story arc, which was a little too short-lived if you ask me.

By the way, a 150-year-old vampire should never be physically overpowered by one less than a year old. And really, a simple mind trick can work against compulsion? Also, Katherine impersonating Elena's straight hair to fool everyone is starting to get really old in my book.



*screencap from VLC

New Girl. Episode 3: "Wedding"

Jess posing as Nick's girlfriend.

A wedding! It's really tricky, you know, going to weddings, especially if you share friends with an ex. And some (or a lot of) people annoyingly ask you when would it be your turn to say "I do". Rule of thumb: It's not about you, your ex, or your future. Just enjoy the free food and, of course, the booze.

Like these guys.

*screencaps from VLC

The Secret Circle. Episode 3: "Loner"

Did I hear a chant in there somewhere?

So... it turns out that binding the circle leaves them not very magical individually, but quite powerful when they pair or group up. And it's an issue because they aren't exactly all friends. Finally, we get a confrontation between the leader and the newcomer about "their guy". Oh, high schoool. The dance is usually something big for these kids, so I'm kind of disappointed that no one got killed.

What the episode successfully did was spike the curiosity about the fire that killed the circle members' parents, stripped their surviving folks of their powers, and outlawed magic altogether. And I'm sure that's coming up. I seriously hope this whole season would not just be history repeating itself, because then I'll just be really pissed.

Also, Faye is the only interesting character so far that the actress who plays her is the only one who gets to display any acting range.



*screencap from VLC

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 3: "The End of The Affair"

The hybrid's Original vampire baby sister Rebekah 

Whew. A game-changing episode. They promised us a season of Originals, and here we are, with more backstory than a single necklace or an episode could possibly handle. Rebekah had first dibs on Stefan and I can't bring myself to hate her. In fact, she's very welcome to mess up our dear Stefan's heart and morals. And her accent is the icing on the cake. Then again, I'm not a big Stefan-Elena fan, so I could be just biased.

Ripper Stefan and Nik(laus): Brothers in crime

The writers have painted Stefan in the last two episodes as a conflicted, half-reluctant monster-that-he-was to save his loved ones. But now that he fully remembers his Ripper past and his "original" lady love, will Stefan completely abandon being the hero we have always perceived him to be? Especially now that we discover there's a threat even the Originals are running away from? It's funny how the roles have shifted between the Salvatore brothers. And I didn't really see this Stefan-Klaus bromance deep-rooted in the past until now. But these characters are not carved in stone, with what, this show's proven rep of brilliant, shocking twists and turns.

By the way, it's ironic that Gay Daddy wanted to cure Caroline of her vampirism, like some dads would attempt to do with gay sons. Two words: Like. Duh.



*screencaps from VLC

New Girl. Episode 2: "Kryptonite"

Girl slaps. Guy punches. FYI.

I've got to admit, the new guy Winston is okay. But I miss Coach. For those wondering where he is, he moved out. Off-cam, Damon Wayans, Jr. had to drop out because his other show had been surprisingly renewed for a second season. Boohoo.

This is so 500 Days of Summer.

Anyone who's been through a breakup will easily relate to this episode. You know when you've passed the stages of grief and you can laugh about the stuff you stupidly did? It's realistically good—and funny.

Oh, I miss the Douchebag Jar! 



*Some info from TVGuide.com and Wikipedia
**Screencaps from VLC

Patayin sa Overreading ang Pelikula

A Create-Your-Own-Clever-Movie-Review.

Director Name Drop's Movie Title in Italics is a fun, humorous take on the subject of cinema trophes.

Yet, that doesn't seem enough to make this review About Me, the Reviewer.

In Name Drop's satire on films of the same genre, we see a consciousness that is Anti-Something. Although, taken as a whole, the films seems to promote tolerance for Something, a closer reading of some scenes may be interpreted  as subconscious Anti-Something sentiments which only perpetuates Anti-Something perceptions and assumptions of the Something Community.

The fact that I, The Reviewer Who Has No Formal Training in Critical Studies, has identified this Anti-Something layer to the work as I write this article for a publication which has a readership slightly higher than the population of the island of B2201 in the South China Sea (said island is submerged in water twice a day, depending on the tide) is a testament to my cleverness.

I will now ask these rhetorical questions, won't I? This is my attempt at being convincing, isn't it?

I now give a cursory review of the ensemble's acting. Indie Actress is brilliant, Comedic Actress has flawless timing, and Matinee Idol is a revelation as the Borderline Caricature. Through Matinee Idol's histrionics, we see Borderline Caricature's world in its pallid glory, and other contrasting concepts I'm throwing together here to juxtapose how I can phrase together seemingly conflicting notions as, again, a testament to my brilliance as an underpaid critic.

I now drop cinema jargon here, commenting on the mise-en-scene, to make-up for how little I really know about the process. I then refer to David Lynch's underground, early works. Perhaps, I'll drop Kurosawa's name here, just to let you know that I, too, am exposed to Asian cinema. Argento, Argento. Insert "-esque" after the name of another director to make me sound hip; I love the suffix "-esque" and its non-committal assertion in its insertion. It means Something is Another Thing, But Not Really... It's "Another Thing-esque".

But the flaw of the work which I will latch on, and obsessively talk about is the Anti-Something reading which I gleamed from a badly executed in-joke. Why must I ask another rhetorical question here? Because. Why must I ask another rhetorical question here? For the timing. Why must I, finally, ask a slightly re-phrased rhetorical question here? Rule of threes.

In this summary paragraph, I once again highlight my Anti-Something Overreading of the work. Because I'm not happy with just a movie review, I must write a "reading" of "the film". You will think I'm clever, perhaps quote me if you will. But what I did, really, is waste your time.

I give this film a rating of Arbitrary Number of Stars over Some Standard of Stars, or raised thumbs. Like that matters.