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French com-roms (comédies romantiques) have two basic differences from their American counterparts.

First, they're in French. That means they have hotter stars. American stars are also hot, don't get me wrong. But of course, we are so used to American beauty that we forget there is a more exotic land called mainland Europe.

Here's Julie Depardieu, daughter of Gerard.

Daughter of Gerard. For real.

Here's Vanessa, played by Élodie Navarre.

OMG, are those her nipples?

For the girls, here's William, played by the ridiculously good-looking Gaspard Ulliel.

Ah, screw it.

And here's Achille's hot female neighbor, played by Frédérique Bel.

"Mon dieu! I am hot!"

And here's Achille, played by François Cluzet, who looks like a French Dustin Hoffman.

"But─I am taller zan zees Dusteen 'Offman!"

Second difference: When the French say "romance", they mean "sex".

You can think of this movie as a romantic comedy with a lot of sex. Not explicit sex, though. They just like talking about it a lot.

The movie actually has several seemingly-unrelated subplots, which turn out to be connected one way or another. Wait, that sounds like the plot for Love Actually, right? But since this film delves more into sex than love, you can say that this film is Sex Actually.

Even the poster looks similar.

By the way, the director, Emmanuel Mouret, played Vannesa's sleazebag co-worker who almost had sex with her. Lucky bastard, or sleazy douchebag? You decide.



L'Art d'Aimer. France. 2011.



Le Rating: Six and a half out of ten.
11:47 AM
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I admit, I used to hate Madagascar. First, because it's not Pixar. Second, the voice actors are meh (except maybe for Chris Rock and Sacha Baron Cohen). And third, the makers keep making sequels, and are obviously just in it for the money.

"Vat's wrong vit being in it for ze money?"

And then, after watching Madagascar 3, I finally got it. I finally understood why these types of films make a lot of money, which in turn will make the producers keep churning out sequels. But to explain it, I have to take you back to the early days of cinema.

"Is this gonna take long?"

More than a century ago, there was a device known as a "nickelodeon" (which is where the children's network gets its name from). This is what it looked like:

Mostly, they showed porn.

You put in a nickel, turned a crank, and the machine showed a series of images in rapid succession, giving the illusion of movement. Kind of like what bored kids do with their thick schoolbooks.

Shows just how much they love learning.

This was the precursor of movies. And people didn't flock to these machines just so they could view a person cooking, or a person riding a horse. They had that in everyday life. What they wanted to see were fairies, giant sea monsters, or aliens from space. They wanted the impossible. And not only that, they wanted the visually spectacular.

"Uh, like this?"

And that's what Madagascar 3 is─a visual spectacle. It's got bright explosions, stunning colors, and the best action sequences I've seen in an animated film since Kung Fu Panda.

It's like a Mission: Impossible action sequence.

If you've got kids, go watch Madagscar 3. They will love you for it. And if you're a kid at heart, go watch it in 3D. You won't feel like it's a waste of money. And also, if you watch any other movie, the penguins will be there to break your kneecaps.

"And where do you think you're going?"



Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted. USA. 2012



Rating: Six and a half out of ten.
12:55 PM

I heard some award buzz for Charlize Theron in this film, for playing Mavis Gary—a young-adult-series ghost-writer, who's recently divorced and is probably an alcoholic—very well. And it's no surprise; she was convincing playing a pathetic girl.

She still looks hot, though.

Mavis decides to go back to her hometown to snatch his former boyfriend from his wife and newborn and live happily ever after. Only, the results aren't what she hoped for, and it's not really a surprise, because she's totally disillusioned.

"This is color splash is called fashion, people!" 

Promising premise? Maybe. But there is really nothing else to it. It could have been a late coming-of-age thing. Theron was so convincing, you'll just really feel very sorry for her and that's that. Treatment is kind of a bore, and Mavis didn't really grow much. But the movie has its tagline in the bag: "Some people grow old but never grow up", or something like that.

Even her dog walked all over her. 

I couldn't believe this was written by Diablo Cody and directed by Jason Reitman—the same team behind Juno, which I think had a really great story and overall treatment. Young Adult, for me doesn't even come close. I understand it's a different material, of course, but then again...

Like a cool Mini Cooper, only a really broken one. (What?)

Young Adult gets a five out of 10, for failing capitalize on Charlize Theron's awesome acting skills and leaving the film bland in more ways than one.



*screencaps by VLC
8:51 AM
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If you grew up in the 80s, then you're most likely a fan of the Alien film franchise. And why wouldn't you be, when the Xenomorph is probably the most badass film alien of that decade.

Compared to this guy.

The layman will tend to think that Prometheus is a prequel to Alien (the first film in the Alien franchise), but director Ridley Scott vehemently denies this. While the film takes place in the same universe as Alien, Scott describes it as something more than a prequel, something that is an original film but just happened to have some similarities with Alien.

Like the ship, for instance.
5:31 PM
Is he winking?

The name Ray Bradbury is a giant in American literature, particularly in the science fiction genre. Bradbury himself resisted that label, preferring to be associated with fantasy instead.

I admit that I am familiar with his name, but not quite familiar with his works. That's because the English department in my university doesn't seem to hold the science fiction genre in high regard. If they did, Frank Herbert's Dune would be part of the curriculum, as well as Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451.

As with all celebrities who die in the Internet age, interest in their works will definitely spike. So use this chance to read a Ray Bradbury story. Doesn't matter whether it's a novel or a short story, as long as it's Ray Bradbury. Right now, I'm reading "I Sing the Body Electric", because the title sounds so weird. As it turns out, the title was taken from a Walt Whitman poem. Weird indeed.



Ray Douglas Bradbury. 22 August 1920─5 June 2012.
1:55 PM
And now, Game of Thrones season 2 has come to a close. This is more or less the same feeling I had last year when this show left the air. I had to seek solace with other shows, just to satisfy my urge for good quality telivision programs. And now I'm feeling it again. And this season's cliffhanger is the best yet.

Anyway, in lieu of a full season 2 review, I've decided to give out (fictional) awards for this season, similar to what I did for the film Sucker Punch. And I hope the actors, writers, and filmmakers involved get to know just how much I appreciate all their efforts into making this possibly the best thing on television right now. As a token of my appreciation, I present them with an Iron Throne trophy, which is actually a paperweight.

Of course, I'd like one for myself.

And now, here are the awards for...

Best Newcomer
Jaqen H'ghar
Tom Wlaschiha
HBO
"You like a man's highlights?"

This character is so enigmatic, it's actually a great move by the producers to introduce him for one season only. Another season, and Jaqen H'ghar would've lost all his mystery. It's great to keep the audience asking, "How the hell does he kill people? And how did he change his face?"
2:20 PM
So this is how a game of thrones ends. With much drama, and shouts of "What the hell?"

Of course, the game of thrones isn't over yet. Season 2 may be over, but not the game. The game of thrones is a long game. Daenerys hasn't even crossed the sea yet.

Let's do that first line again:

So this is how season 2 ends. With much drama, and shouts of "What the hell?"


MUCH DRAMA

1. Joffrey renounces Sansa Stark and engages himself to Margaery Tyrell

HBO
All it takes to sway Joffrey's mind is to show him some cleavage.

Let us not forget that another strategy to the game of thrones is to turn it into a game of hearts. That means it should be a game of marriages, of unions of houses. But of course, in Westeros, only the common folk marry for love. The highborn marry for alliances.

Joffrey makes major changes not just to his love life, but to his council as well. His uncle Tyrion is out. And his grandfather Tywin is in. As the proper Hand of the King this time.

HBO
This is what Lord Tywin thinks of your fancy
Hand of the King brooch thingy.
1:25 PM
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This film belongs to a relatively new genre whose name escapes me right now. It's basically the type of film that attempts to put a more realistic slant to old myths and legends, usually children's fairy tales. Problem is, with this film, the fantasy element wasn't totally eradicated from the storyline. What we have, then, is a plain and simple retelling. That giant white stag (who was probably that realm's equivalent of Aslan the lion) and those fairy imps who look like Gollum, interesting as they may seem, do nothing to enhance the realistic angle brought about by portraying Snow White as a sort of Joan of Arc heroine.

"Why isn't my armor white as snow?"

Seriously, do we need another retelling of Snow White? Isn't the high-pitched Disney version enough for everyone?

Yes, Peter Jackson has shown us that through old school camera wizardry, you can cast a normal-sized person in a dwarf role. That doesn't mean every dwarf role in cinema should be played by normal-sized folk from hereon. Midget actors definitely have their own appeal, and Peter Jackson's re-discovery of forced perspective (a technique as old as cinema itself) shouldn't put an end to their careers.

They're all kneeling down while Hemsworth is standing up.

This film does have some great performances, most notably from the evil queen Ravenna and the huntsman. The Disney version of the evil queen shows her as a shrewd, calculating witch, someone who is totally in control of her faculties. With Charlize Theron's performance, however, we get to see the evil queen for what she really is─a deranged, lunatic psychopath, totally consumed by her own greed and vanity.

Not related to Bong Ravena.

Chris Hemsworth, meanwhile, shows us that he does have some acting chops in him, which will definitely improve over time. He reminds me of a younger Brad Pitt, and I'm pretty sure Hemsworth would much prefer a challenging, out-of-character role over a tried-and-tested pretty boy heartthrob formula.

Next stop: Fight Club reboot.

Wait, did I mention Kristen Stewart? Of course I didn't.

This was probably her finest acting moment in this film─
playing dead.



Snow White and the Huntsman. USA. 2012.



Rating: Five and a half out of ten.
11:46 AM

Curiosity took the better of me, so I watched Shame for a glimpse of Magneto's... er, Michael Fassbender's thing without any idea what the film was about. And if I were to describe my first impression of this film after watching it: soft porn. But it's not really that; or rather, it's more than that.

Brandon (Fassbender) is a sex addict disconnected with his family and everyone else really, enjoying his privacy and indulging in several acts of sexual pleasure. But when his troubled sister Sissy (Carey Mulligan) comes to stay with him, his whole world shatters. Change is the only solution, but how could he manage that?

Either he just had sex or he just pleasured himself.

If you look past the suggested sex scenes and the sex scenes per se, you will see how lonely and alone Brandon is. I think, his sex addiction developed as a coping mechanism for underlying family and personal issues—just like Sissy  developed  a coping mechanism of her own, too. The beauty of Fassbender's portrayal is that you can clearly see that Brandon is struggling. He's ashamed of himself in so many ways that he couldn't even try to open himself to another person for fear of being judged.

Stop walking in on my masturbating, okay, you cutter biatch?

Just a side thought though while watching the film: "Are these numerous sex scenes absolutely necessary?" The implied sex scenes really worked well. And while I don't squirm at sex scenes, actual pumping in the nude was kind of distracting. But I guess it comes with the story and to establish the character.

Yes, they're even kind of putting on a show.


Shame gets a six out of ten, for digging deep inside a sex addict's psyche, good casting choice, but bordering on "I can put as many sex scenes as I deem fit."



*screencaps by VLC
10:36 AM
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I already knew about the break-up between John Prats and Bianca Manalo weeks before almost everyone else.

As proven by the timestamp.

Some even refused to believe it. I admire them for their optimism.

Talagang all caps?

Because I think my parents did a good job of raising me, I did not write about it. I would have, though, if I'd known the topic would get me several thousand hits in a matter of hours.

News of the break-up is all over the internet now. But the real Internet gems can be found─where else─in the comments section. Here are ten of the stupidest (and funniest) reactions to the John-Bianca break-up, on the Yahoo! article alone.


Number 10

This can actually be considered a smart comment, if the author was referencing J.R.R. Tolkien, not Peter Jackson. It would be an even smarter comment if he mentioned Tyrion Lannister instead.


Number 9

Oh, you have a reliable source? Really? He seems very reliable indeed.


Number 8

This one was obviously never bitch-slapped when he was young. Such filthy words.


Number 7

Although this guy only voiced out what most guys are thinking, he did it with very poor choice of words. Tsk, tsk.


Number 6

Take note of this guy's location. Manila, National Capital Region. Exactly.


Number 5

Reading the entire thread of the conversation will make you ask yourself, "Huh?"


Number 4

All right, he needs to mention John's height three times. Just to make sure everyone knows and doesn't forget.


Number 3

This comment belongs to a different article.


Number 2

I'd like to see this person actually file a complaint with ABS-CBN. And be laughed at as they take his complaint and shred it right in front of his eyes.


Number 1

Thank you for the imagery, good sir. You made my day.


One commendable thing about the Prats family is that they showed just how long they've been in this business. They reacted with style, and class, handling the situation the way it's supposed to be handled─like nothing happened.
5:38 PM
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