The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn─Part 1

First of all, not enough nudity. If you thought Edward was going to be breaking Bella's dawn (and by "dawn" I mean "hymen"), you watched the wrong movie.

"Is it broken yet?"

Thanks to OK! Philippines, Da Couch Tomato got to see Bella's baby before the rest of the world. And we also got to interview the author of the Twilight Saga herself, none other than Stephenie Meyer. Here's what she had to say:

"Hi, I'm Stephenie Meyer. That's right, I have a lot of letter E's in my name. That's one E in every syllable. That's why I named my leading man "Edward", you know, 'cause it starts with an E. Anyway, I'm sure you've read a lot of stuff on the net about Stephen King dissing my work over J.K.Rowling's Harry Potter series. Well, I'm not really trying to copy Rowling's work. God knows I have nothing against wizards hitting puberty. My book's about girls hitting puberty while having a vampire boyfriend. Anyway, Rowling's books don't have wizards getting pregnant, or childbirth even. You can suck it, Stephen King. He's just jealous because my books have made more money than all his books combined. I'm not sure about that figure, but I think it's pretty close.

Rowling's books also don't have sex scenes by a waterfall.

"I must admit, though, that I did steal one of Ms. Rowling's ideas, and that's splitting the last book of the saga into two films. I mean, she broke Deathly Hallows into two parts, right, so I thought I'd do the same with Breaking Dawn. Good thing I caught on to this "split the book into two films" bandwagon early on. Now when Peter Jackson splits The Hobbit into two films, it'll look like he ripped off the idea from me.

"My film doesn't have a 3D release, but I think it's the studio's fault. I mean, who doesn't want to see Robert Pattinson's face in 3D, right? Or Taylor Lautner's abs in 3D, I mean, who wouldn't want that?

"What about my face?"

Well anyway, I don't expect to win an Academy Award or anything, except maybe for Best Makeup for making Kristen Stewart look convincingly like a zombie (although I'd attribute it more to anorexia than makeup).

Or maybe crystal meth.

What I do expect is to break box office records and make a ton of money, so I can buy that beautiful house in Rio where we shot the sex scenes. And I also expect to make a killing in the U.K., which is the only reason I hired Michael Sheen to play one of the Volturi. God knows British audiences are much too sophisticated to watch vampires having sex with zombies."

"If you think I'm sophisticated, then you haven't met Stephen Fry."

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn─Part 1. USA. 2011.


Rating: Six point seven out of ten.
Not having enough nudity: Minus point one.
No Dakota Fanning: Minus point one.
Final rating: Six and a half out of ten.



*some info from IMDb
pics from YouTube and All Movie Photo



You may also want to check out Sue Denim's review of Breaking Dawn─Part 1, or the other reviews for The Twilight Saga, such as New Moon and Eclipse.

New Girl. Episode 6: "Thanksgiving"

Not really the way to thaw a turkey.

Okay. The singing Jess opening sequence is better. But it still needs work.

The Mac Guy is pretty much a Jess with a penis. If you believe in opposites—or if you ship Nick and Jess—the odds aren't looking too good right now. I'm okay with Violin singing it with our New Girl. But not on a "regular cast" basis.

Of course, that's an iPhone.

I think the gang needs a next-door neighbor. (And the douchbag jar back!)

Who would you want it to be?

*screencaps courtesy of VLC

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 9: "Homecoming"

And just like that. Goodbye, Mikael.

I seriously thought there's more episodes for Mikael since we haven't really met the whole Original family yet. But if I'd choose between Klaus and Mikael as the antagonist vampire, I'd choose Klaus faster than a heartbeat. Did I mention his accent already? I'm sure I have.

To complicate things a bit more, the hybrid proved to us that he doesn't exactly fit into the "evil" character some are convinced he is. After nine episodes, we now know the Original family were ordinary people like any human. And like any vampire, humanity is their weakness, too.

That tear--actually the whole expression, my sweet, is priceless.

A quick checkup on the rest of the gang: Rebekah and the rest of the daggered Originals are under Stefan's care now, who is plotting his revenge against Klaus. I'm quite happy Tyler is back to being a douchebag; liking him  is starting to feel like a chore. Caroline did good breaking up with the Klaus's sire. Elena and Damon are letting Stefan go but I hope they don't end up together as soon as he's out the door. I hope Anna is not lost to Jeremy; after all, she could touch him way before Vicki and Mama Original blew the door wide open. And Bonnie is still helping Alaric decipher Viking cave drawings.

I demand that Elijah be un-daggered the first episode come January.

P.S. Come to think of it, it's the first time all three girls are single again.



*screencaps courtesy of VLC

The Secret Circle. Episode 9: "Balcoin"

A.k.a. Homecoming in Chance Harbor

Not the "homecoming" I imagined it to be and not as strong as an episode as I hoped it could ever be, given the show's dismal track record.

We have one new character, Melissa's cousin, who I must say is more interesting than her (and more interested in Diana). We also have one new revelation about Jake to the five circle members. But I still wasn't entirely convinced of Jake's feelings for Cassie, I mean, after the kiss, the rejection, and all.

I didn't get this new dude's name and I'm too lazy to look it up.

And they're back to five... for now.

And we have one entirely new revelation. The logical choice as a half-sister to Cassie is Faye (who is suddenly an expert on interpreting Jake's feelings) via her father John Blackwell/Balcoin. We'll know more in January. Jake has to be back, too. Otherwise, the circle is useless.



*screencaps courtesy of VLC

Terra Nova. Episode 6: "Nightfall"

What's worse than having a thirty-foot parasitic worm inside your body?

Yuck.

It's having Maddy Shannon kiss that soldier boy, that's what.

Yuck.

And the cliffhanger here is: you know that device that they stole from the Sixers, the one that looks like a purple armored egg? Well, the Sixers stole it back. And guess whose DNA is the only one that opens it?

That guy.

And do you know who that is? That guy is... drum roll... Taylor's son. Kaboom.



*some info from Wikipedia
pics from VLC

Boardwalk Empire. Season 2, Episode 7: "Peg of Old"

Oh look, it's the guy who played Vincent Van Gogh in series 5 of Doctor Who.

Sans le beard.

Oh look, the new female prosecutor is kind of hot.

Better if she was sans vêtements. 

Oh look, Nucky Thompson gets shot. Again.

Sans Jimmy Darmody.

Oh look, Kelly Macdonald finally does it with Charlie Cox. Or, she finally tastes Cox's cock.

Sans Nucky Thompson.

Did I just go there? Yes, I did.



*some info from IMDb
pics from VLC

New Girl. Episode 5: "Cece Crashes"

Just another Friday night with the boys.

First things first: Make up your mind about the title sequence. Stick to the one in the Pilot, just work on the cut/intro from the scene to the title sequence. If you insist on the moving-furniture title sequence, it really needs more work to be seamless.

They are both each other's bitches.

Playing on the cast's could-be romantic relationships is fun, but I don't think we need to give Nick-Jess shippers an early Christmas gift—for the good of the show. I love Jess and Cece's best-friend-ship. They're so totally different; they complement each other.

Cece's presence + Schmidt's shirt off = Douchebag Jar!!!

I got a glimpse of the Douchebag Jar, but it didn't get its moment. The cat-raised-by-a-bird got hers.

*screencaps from VLC

Boardwalk Empire. Season 2, Episode 6: "The Age of Reason"

I have great admiration for women who delivered their own child themselves. With no help whatsoever. That's how it's supposed to be done.

Nelson Van Alden, Jr. Only she's a girl.

Darmody cuts the throat one of those guys from Philly, for meeting with Nucky Thompson behind his back.

That's how it's supposed to be done.

And finally, I was right about the sexual tension between Kelly Macdonald and Charlie Cox. So that's why she was so mean to her househelp Katie all of a sudden.

That's how it's supposed to be done. Okay, I just forced that.

*some info from IMDb
pics from VLC

The Vampire Diaries. Season 3, Episode 8: "Ordinary People"

Viking humans turned parental witch and vamp

I hit the jackpot: I've had a gut feeling that Mikael is "Papa Original" (giddy to hear Damon say that exact phrase!) and that the Original Witch is really "Mama Original". Clap, clap, clap! This is a narration/revelation episode, kinda like the episode last season when Ellijah told Elena that the sun and moon curse is really about suppressing Klaus' werewolf side.

I'm sure Alaric was overwhelmed about his discovery (well, it was Damon's really, with the help of Mason). I wonder if he could make an academic paper out of this and be recognized and awarded for altering the New World's whole history. Hmmm.

Not one of Klaus' fake  contributions to history

I like Elijah's style of storytelling in flashbacks more than that of Rebekah's. I miss his "I believe the term you're  looking for is OMG" lines and his very nice hair (and not his hairstyle pictured below).

Un-dagger him now, please.

I'm going to throw one of my gut-feeling ideas since Plan Mikael is already rolling. I think he will use anyone to kill Klaus, and eventually kill all vampires with his Original family for redemption, like Mama witch trying to bring back the balance of nature. Mikael could be the ultimate villain after Klaus because we can't go down a notch after the hybrid with a beautiful accent. This is just one of the plots I see possible, but the writers surely have more tricks up their sleeves.

Elsewhere in the episode, the writers also gave us a peek of what vampire brothers do for a good time, well, sort of. Yes, Damon let Stefan out of Lexi-style rehab.

So is blood thicker than booze?

I'm tired of Damon being helpless. At least Elena can now sleep on the same bed he's on (she couldn't stand being with him in the same room before). Progress.



*screencaps courtesy of VLC

The Secret Circle. Episode 8: "Beneath"

Almost looks like fun, right?

The gang minus Melissa (is she really a main character?) had a "road trip to the lake house gone bad."

Grampa Chamberlain's body surfaced.

But their little adventure did not have a shortage of kissing scenes, nor did it lack teenage truth-or-dare dramas.

The dare that upset everyone except maybe these two.

The truth is they both miss the sex, I guess.

Like I said before, the actress who plays Faye gets the most acting chops. For me, she's the only character that makes this show still watchable... for now.


*screencaps courtesy of VLC