The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn─Part 1

First of all, not enough nudity. If you thought Edward was going to be breaking Bella's dawn (and by "dawn" I mean "hymen"), you watched the wrong movie.

"Is it broken yet?"

Thanks to OK! Philippines, Da Couch Tomato got to see Bella's baby before the rest of the world. And we also got to interview the author of the Twilight Saga herself, none other than Stephenie Meyer. Here's what she had to say:

"Hi, I'm Stephenie Meyer. That's right, I have a lot of letter E's in my name. That's one E in every syllable. That's why I named my leading man "Edward", you know, 'cause it starts with an E. Anyway, I'm sure you've read a lot of stuff on the net about Stephen King dissing my work over J.K.Rowling's Harry Potter series. Well, I'm not really trying to copy Rowling's work. God knows I have nothing against wizards hitting puberty. My book's about girls hitting puberty while having a vampire boyfriend. Anyway, Rowling's books don't have wizards getting pregnant, or childbirth even. You can suck it, Stephen King. He's just jealous because my books have made more money than all his books combined. I'm not sure about that figure, but I think it's pretty close.

Rowling's books also don't have sex scenes by a waterfall.

"I must admit, though, that I did steal one of Ms. Rowling's ideas, and that's splitting the last book of the saga into two films. I mean, she broke Deathly Hallows into two parts, right, so I thought I'd do the same with Breaking Dawn. Good thing I caught on to this "split the book into two films" bandwagon early on. Now when Peter Jackson splits The Hobbit into two films, it'll look like he ripped off the idea from me.

"My film doesn't have a 3D release, but I think it's the studio's fault. I mean, who doesn't want to see Robert Pattinson's face in 3D, right? Or Taylor Lautner's abs in 3D, I mean, who wouldn't want that?

"What about my face?"

Well anyway, I don't expect to win an Academy Award or anything, except maybe for Best Makeup for making Kristen Stewart look convincingly like a zombie (although I'd attribute it more to anorexia than makeup).

Or maybe crystal meth.

What I do expect is to break box office records and make a ton of money, so I can buy that beautiful house in Rio where we shot the sex scenes. And I also expect to make a killing in the U.K., which is the only reason I hired Michael Sheen to play one of the Volturi. God knows British audiences are much too sophisticated to watch vampires having sex with zombies."

"If you think I'm sophisticated, then you haven't met Stephen Fry."

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn─Part 1. USA. 2011.


Rating: Six point seven out of ten.
Not having enough nudity: Minus point one.
No Dakota Fanning: Minus point one.
Final rating: Six and a half out of ten.



*some info from IMDb
pics from YouTube and All Movie Photo



You may also want to check out Sue Denim's review of Breaking Dawn─Part 1, or the other reviews for The Twilight Saga, such as New Moon and Eclipse.

Twilight

There are two reasons for this review. First, because the captain asked for it.

Before we begin: do not judge this book as a piece of high literature, because that is not what the author intended. Stephenie Meyer has no pretensions like that at all.

The second reason for this review is that I wanted to know what all the fuss is about Twilight. What's with this book and how come it's got all the youngsters going ga-ga over it? And how come I've never heard of Twilight before the movie? And after reading the book, I found out the answer to that question: I've never heard of it because I'm too old.

Okay, age is no excuse not to be updated with pop culture, and like it or not, Twilight has become part of the popular culture of this decade. So everyone who thought the book sucked can stop whining, as this book was not written for you. This was written for a specific target audience, namely those who hit puberty at the turn of the millennium.

Basically, Twilight is a teeny-bopper romance (I'm just inventing genres here), kind of like the Sweet Valley novels, with a slight twist. You still have all the mushy stuff, like crushes and first kisses and high school dances, and the twist is all the good-looking guys are out to suck your blood. For those who didn't get it, all the hunks are vampires.

For those familiar with vampires, it would be best to stop comparing the Twilight vampires with those of Anne Rice's chronicles, as they are totally different. Stephenie Meyer created a different type of vampire; Edward Cullen is no monster like Lestat. If anything, Meyer's vampire seems to be a troubled teen cursed with immortality. That's it. Not much killing and slaughter---in fact, I don't think the author ever showed Edward Cullen taking a life in the book. Just mentioned. Never showed.

Twilight is actually an easy read, one that you could breeze through in a week or less. If you're not into adolescent romance, expect to throw up at some very cheesy lines; if you're a hopeless romantic, expect to be starting on the next book (yes, there is a second one) as soon as you get to the last page.


Rating: Seven out of ten.