Tropic Thunder

If you're on serious mode, go watch Body of Lies. If you're on kiddie mode, watch Igor. But if you just want to laugh, then go see Tropic Thunder.

Of course, the premise is not new. Other films have been done before using the "film-within-a-film" approach, like Living in Oblivion for example. But I think Tropic Thunder takes the humor to a whole new level.

The story is just about some movie stars filming a movie set in the jungles of Vietnam. That's it. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, let's go to the cast.

A film like this, meaning a movie-within-a-movie type, will not be as effective if there is no all-star cast. And that's what Tropic Thunder has─a powerhouse cast. Jack Black, Robert Downey, Jr., Nick Nolte, Matthew McConaughey, and Tom Cruise himself, just to start the ball rolling. And those are just the A-list stars. There are lots of other known actors in this film; too many, in fact, that if I name some of them, I'd have to name all of them just to be fair.

Jack Black is hilarious as Jeff Portnoy, the actor slash addict, and Jack Black does what Jack Black does best: act weird. Try to imagine a toned-down version of his role in Orange County (the film, not the TV series), only here, there is no actual drug use, but withdrawal symptoms. And Jack Black does a great job of playing a really obnoxious character without upstaging the others.

Now of course, there's Robert Downey, Jr., who plays Kirk Lazarus, method actor extraordinaire. Nobody doubts Downey's acting abilities, and here he cements his status as one of the best method actors in the business today. And one of the best quotes from Downey: "I don't drop character until I've done the DVD commentary."

Tom Cruise of course surprises us all with his terrific performance as Les Grossman, the potty-mouth studio mogul who swears at a rate of probably thirty profanities per minute. Mr. Cruise had to wear some prosthetic make-up for the role, and he comes off as practically unnoticeable, unless you know the sound of his voice. Well, he may sound like Tom Cruise, but he sure doesn't act like Tom Cruise. This is in fact one of those rare moments where Cruise sheds his poster-boy image and unleashes his funny side.

And last but not the least, Mr. Ben Stiller himself. Stiller is in fact pretty comfortable just staying in the background while the rest of his co-stars do the dirty work. But he sort of glues the whole movie together with his presence, which is of course a given, seeing as he co-wrote, produced, and directed the entire film. Ben Stiller's directing ability has never been in question; it's just that most of the recent films he's acted in haven't done too good in the box office. But this film redeems him, and let's hope he sustains this lucky streak.

There are several elements of a movie-within-a-movie type of film. These are 1) a star-studded cast, or at least a lot of known actors; 2) homage to previous blockbuster hits (I said homage, not parody); 3) constant references to other films; and 4) an insight into the world of movie-making or show business in general. This film has all of these elements, and it also has lots of humor without crossing over to the realm of spoof movies like the Scary Movie franchise. All in all, great movie, great direction, great cast.


Rating: Four and a half stars.

The Songbird is an Alien

I would like to apologize in advance if I should offend some die-hard fans of Asia's songbird.

Last Sunday, I caught Regine Velasquez on the tube, in that show where they had Mark Anthony Fernandez answering some personal questions while strapped to a lie detector.

Now first, let me comment on that. I think that Philippine showbiz has gone so low that they consider a celebrity in the hot seat, answering some personal (and mostly private) questions about their personal lives (which they have every right to withhold from the general public), as a pretty high form of entertainment. More and more, our showbiz celebrities are treated like circus animals, if not circus freaks.

Now to get to my main point. On that same show, Regine Velasquez was present as one of the panel of stars that bombarded Mark Anthony with those questions. And my brother was shocked at how much Regine was starting to look like an alien.

I don't know how you're going to construe that remark, but to qualify, Regine is beginning to look more and more like a character from Star Wars. Not one of the human characters, but one of the humanoid ones -- those who are almost human, but not quite.

First of all, she is a modified human. It may be just me, but I do not believe in any form of alteration on one's body if it is for the sake of beautification. I am an admirer of beautiful people who are beautiful au naturelle, making them stand out like diamonds among us unsightly mortals. Anyone who undergoes the plastic surgeon's knife for the sake of vanity receives the rank of "modified human" from me. In this case, Regine modified her nose, her skin color, and her breasts (though I admit I'm not entirely sure about the breasts). Add to this her slowly disappearing chin, or her enlarging neck, and there you have it -- a Star Wars alien.

Anyway, I have nothing against her voice. She has a million-dollar vioce, but I really cannot comprehend what made her want to morph physically into what she is right now. I am strangely reminded of Michael Jackson, and I don't think it's because of the voice.

If you want a list of modified humans who dwell among us in Philippine showbiz, check out retokado.blogspot.com. Take note, that is only a partial list. There are more of them out there, and their numbers are growing.

Cartoon Crushes

A conversation with my brother yesterday inspired this post. I do not mean to be audience-selective, nor gender-insensitive, but this post will probably be appreciated most by heterosexual males who grew up in the 80s.

I am of course talking about Saturday morning cartoon heroines (and some villains). This was back in the day, when the Friday afternoon school bell was the greatest sound on earth, which meant that you had absolutely nothing to worry about for two days. And when you were young, two whole days in front of the tube was nothing short of paradise.

Here is a list (in no particular order) of the most beautiful women on Saturday morning TV in the eighties. These ladies were my first crushes, back when my idea of a date was crossing some sort of portal to the cartoon world and joining them in their adventures. It was only in retrospect where I realized how pathetic those fantasies were.


1. Sheila, the Thief. Dungeons and Dragons.

Sheila is that carrot-topped girl in Dungeons and Dragons with the invisibility cloak. She's also the elder sister of that pesky barbarian brat Bobby. She is one of those types of girls that you'd always imagine as someone really accessible. Like your next-door neighbor perhaps, or your cousin's cousin.

2. Princess Lana. Captain N: The Game Master.

Who wouldn't love the costume? The cute dress, the shapely figure, the colorful headdress---Princess Lana represents the adventurous sporty chick who, although of royal blood, will not hesitate to sleep in a haystack.

3. Baroness. G.I.Joe.

G.I. Joe, despite being a testosterone-filled show, also has its share of beautiful female characters. Yet despite the sophistication of Scarlett, and the rugged good looks of Lady Jaye, I still had eyes only for the Baroness. She comes off as a really hot villain, someone who would probably torture you with seduction before killing you. In one word: dominatrix. Dark hair, Eastern European accent, plus glasses---what a killer combo. Mmm...Baroness...

4. Teela. He-Man and the Masters of the Universe.

Teela has that fierce look on her face, possibly the result of being the only daughter of the brave warrior Man-At-Arms. She dresses in a specific color motif, all earth tones, which suggests her affinity with fighting and combat. Ooh, these warrior chicks are such a real turn-on.

5. Judy Jetson. The Jetsons.

Judy Jetson is definitely the most realistic girl on the list. She is not an Amazon queen-type woman, nor is she a princess from a distant land. She's just a regular chick, but a chick nonetheless. You can think of Judy Jetson as your classmate's pretty elder sister who was in high school when you were in grade school, or who was in college when you were in high school. Either way, older sister chicks always turn on the younger brother's friends.

6. Cheetara. ThunderCats.

Obviously one of the most popular of the cartoon heroines, Cheetara comes from a family of Saturday morning cartoons whose character composition is several males, some kids, and one sole female. What makes Cheetara hot is her gymnastics ability, her almost naked outfit, and her exotic make-up. One of the funniest anecdotes I can associate with Cheetara was from my friend Archie Uy. He mentioned that in the fifth grade, while on a class field trip, one of his classmates was caught jacking off at the back of the bus. When asked who he was fantasizing about, he admitted, "Cheetara."

7. Princess Zelda. The Legend of Zelda.

By now, you will see a pattern emerging in Saturday morning cartoon heroines. Most of them are princesses who have bad boys as their love interest. Princess Zelda is no exception. The only difference is: the costume. Take a look at the picture above. She was possibly the first cartoon princess to expose her midriff.

8. Princess Adora. She-Ra: Princess of Power.

Maybe it's just me, but I like She-Ra more when she is in her human form, Princess Adora, who is Prince Adam's twin sister. I find her She-Ra character just a bit too strong for me, like an ultra-strict disciplinarian. As Adora, she is just right, gentle, and not too commanding. You could call it innocence if you want, but it seems she couldn't hurt a fly, whereas her alter-ego could slice you open with her sword if she wanted to.

9. Jaime Robinson. Voltes V.

Jaime Robinson pilots Lander V, the spacecraft that looks like a pair of shoes (and which in fact transforms into Voltes V's two feet), and is the daughter of Commander Robinson. This is of course in the English version. Her Japanese name is Megumi Oka (how exotic!). Again you will notice she follows the same mold as Teela, who is also the daughter of a high-ranking soldier. These types of girls are known as "the general's daughter." Go figure.

10. Zandra. Voltes V.

Also from the same series, her Japanese name is Katherine Rii. Though she belongs to the bad side as a trusted servant of Prince Zardos, she redeems herself in the end by catching a bullet for her prince. But I didn't have a crush on her because she took a bullet. She just has that evil scowl on her face that makes her look even more beautiful.

11. Galadria. Visionaries: Knights of the Magical Light.

There is nothing pretty remarkable about Galadria, apart from the fact that she can project herself as an astral dolphin, but she did stand out by being the sole female in an all-male group, like Cheetara. But she still is pretty, though.

12. Linka. Captain Planet and the Planeteers.

Technically, Linka shouldn't be on this list, because it should only cover cartoons during the eighties, while the series Captain Planet and the Planeteers began in 1990. Linka only got on the list because she always wore shorts, she had a sexy Russian accent, and she was prettier than Gi, the other girl who controlled Water (Linka controlled Air). But now that I'm older, I realized that she had terrible hair. Probably because the air keeps blowing it around.

13 Daphne Blake. Scooby-Doo.

Undoubtedly one of the hottest of the cartoon females, Daphne is my third favorite character after Scooby-Doo and Shaggy. That's because she's smart, beautiful, and sexy. And she's a redhead.

14. Wonder Woman. Super Friends.

Finally, although not one of the prettiest, she is definitely one of the strongest. She comes from a show that possibly started the "all-male-one-female-and-a-pair-of-kids" formula, which later shows like ThunderCats followed. However, she sometimes comes off as too serious, like a strict preschool teacher. But her costume is perfect. I wonder how many kids ever wished they were under her invisible jet while she was starting the engine.

* * *

These ladies were omitted from the list because I could not find any decent pictures of them on the net: Octavia of TigerSharks, and Debbie Callahan of Police Academy.

* * *

Of course the sexiest cartoon female is Jessica Rabbit, no contest. Only she appeared in a movie, not a T.V. show.


*Thanks to cinderellaariel.blogspot.com for some of the photos here.

Eragon

Owing to the drought in good movies right now, while waiting for Tropic Thunder to hit the local screens, I turn my attention once more to books. After all, a couch tomato also dabbles in literature.

Sorry to say that I am a fan of the fantasy genre, but somehow this book does not read like high fantasy. Of course I'm not denying the author Christopher Paolini's talent, but it's just raw talent. He has the seeds of a good story, but he does not tell it the way a fantasy story is supposed to be told.

The idea of Dragons and Riders may even be original, but insofar as the other elements of the story are concerned, they seem to have been culled directly from Joseph Campbell's archetypes. We have the protagonist youth, the journey, the wise old man-turned-mentor---and the list goes on. I believe the idea should have been extremely brilliant for it to override the rehashed narrative template Paolini used to structure his story.

One more problematic aspect of the book is the language. I've always been a sucker for language precision, in the sense that the dialogue should be accurate 1) according to the character's psychology, and 2) according to the time and place of the narrative. This story happens in a faraway mythical land, but the dialogue smacks of modern-day American English. Paolini still lacks the ability to create words that never existed before, like what Tolkien does, or even Dr. Seuss. And the universe he spins is too thin, too flimsy; not a solid believable universe, but something that seems to rely on the reader's previous knowledge of what a fantasy universe is like.

There was something pretty off about the writing and the language which I couldn't quite put my finger on. But then I later learned that Christopher Paolini was actually only fifteen or sixteen when he wrote this book, which explained a lot. Although I did not enjoy the book, I would have to admit that the boy's got raw talent plus rich parents, and now he also has several books in his name. And I'm stuck here reviewing his work. Bummer.


Original rating: Two and a half stars.

Eagle Eye

Hooray for Steven Spielberg's new poster boy.

Shia LaBeouf stretches his acting muscles, and he does in fact give a great performance. Of course Steven Spielberg wouldn't waste time with LaBeouf if he wasn't good enough.

Story-wise, Eagle Eye is just another one of those movies about the dark side of technology, the centuries-old conflict between man and machine. In fact, during the first part of the film, I couldn't help but notice the similarities with The Matrix, and was half expecting someone to offer Shia LaBeouf to choose between the red pill and the blue pill.

This film isn't a whodunit; in a whodunit, the storyteller lays out a list of suspects, and you try to figure out which one is guilty, based on the clues laid out. So it in fact becomes character-driven, as the characters are fleshed out in the hope that the viewer might put two and two together. This story is actually plot-driven, as from the start, the antagonist is already established, so everybody knows whodunit; the question now becomes howhedunit (okay, that sounded forced).

Director D.J. Caruso does a great job behind the helm, especially with the car chase sequences, which was the most tension-filled car chase I've seen so far. It's actually an interplay of great storyboarding, precise pacing, and excellent editing. Plus, Caruso didn't yield to the temptation of exploiting the sexual tension between LaBeouf and Michelle Monaghan.

Notable performances from Michael Chiklis as the Secretary of Defense, who plays it subtle, Rosario Dawson as the fiery government agent, and of course Billy Bob Thornton, as Thomas Morgan, head of homeland security, who is probably the most colorful character in the film. Michelle Monaghan's acting, so-so. Mr. LaBeouf's acting---excellent. And we all thought he'd always be like Even Steven.


Original rating: Three and a half stars.


*ADDITIONAL COMMENTS*
I had been itching since last week for a good Hollywood movie, owing to the slump in foreign movies after the summer season until Thanksgiving weekend, and apparently, Eagle Eye was shown first in Cebu before it was shown in Manila. And it opened on a Friday, which is not usual. And it wasn't showing in Megamall. Now how the hell did that happen?

Colorado Avenue

This is Finland's entry to this year's Cine Europa, and definitely not one of the better films in the line-up.

This film is a melodrama, if my powers of classification serve me right, and I have nothing against melodramas. It's just that this particular film lacks that X-factor that I have come to associate with European films.

Quite honestly, there is nothing really riveting about the narrative.
The story just tells about Dollar-Hanna and her not-so-epic journey to the American west, then back to Finland, and also the sub-plots of the other minor characters. I believe that the film would have shown more promise if it was treated like a war film, instead of this melodrama that reminds me so much of the drama shows on cable TV.

On the good side, the film did employ excellent cinematography, truthfully capturing the mood and feel of the narrative itself. But the best aspect of the film is definitely the production design, with believable sets (of course, they could have improved on the Colorado set) and convincingly accurate costumes. I guess if you have zero-percent CGI, most of the budget should go to production design.

In my effort not to end on a bad note, I'd just like to say that I know there is more to Finnish cinema than this, and that is what I am looking for. Well, probably next year.


Rating: Two stars.


*You can catch the last hurrah of Cine Europa until Sunday, September 21, 2008, at Shangri-La Cinema.

Righteous Kill

Two great actors and one not-so-great story.

By now, you all know my philosophy: try to give a fair review without giving anything away. Especially in this case, since this is a whodunit, so if I give anything away, nobody would probably watch the film anymore.


Basic plot is this: the two former Corleones (of course I'm talking about Pacino and De Niro) play two detectives, who are out to hunt a serial killer. Two younger cops, the brilliant tandem of John Leguizamo and Donnie wahlberg, think the serial killer is one of their own. So everybody is out to find who did it; hence the name whodunit. There's just one problem: either the story was okay and the directing was weak (in which case I'd have to blame director Jon Avnet for the flimsy storytelling), or the script was terrible to begin with (then writer Russel Gewertz would have to take the blame). Anyway, I don't think it was an effective whodunit, as my girlfriend already knew whodidit in the first twenty minutes of the film (she always does that to annoy me).

Let's just focus on the acting, which is this film's strongest selling point. Fans would love to see Pacino and De Niro onscreen together, as their only two movie credits together were 1995's Heat, and before that, 1974's The Godfather Part II, which I wouldn't really count, as they were never actually onscreen together. So this is one of those rare instances when two Oscar winners of this caliber share the same frame.

The acting is spruced up by Wahlberg and Leguizamo, who are two great actors who deserve a break, and they portray the rookie cop-old cop friction just right, practically limiting the show to the four of them. All the other actors didn't really add anything significant. Rapper 50 Cent appears as the gangster Spider, but I could've sworn he just played himself.

There are only three films where Pacino and De Niro acted together, and it's a shame this latest one pairs lousy storytelling with great acting. I hope the producers pair them up again, as both of them are getting old, and they may not have another shot.


*Thanks to Maynard Maleon for the tickets. Good luck on your Bar Exam bro.

Rating: Two and a half stars.

Cabiria

Who says silent films died in the thirties?

Well, production of silent films may have died then, but viewing silent films is still very much alive. At the Silent Film Festival held in Shangri-La, yesterday was the last day of screenings with live music, and we were very fortunate to have viewed Cabiria, which is actually an Italian classic and a masterpiece, notwithstanding the fact that it was shot in 1914.


A brief heads-up for those film lovers who know nothing about film history: in ye olden times, when films were still silent, live music was played along while the film itself was being projected onscreen. There could be a lone piano player pounding away on the keyboards, or there could also be a full orchestra. The music for yesterday's screening was done by DJ Caliph8, plus Matt Deegan on an electric upright bass and Malek Lopez on keyboards. I actually considered it a wonderful innovation to add a dash of electronica to the classical score (how else could you get a 21st century audience interested in a silent film, if not to tell it through their music?). Great job, by the way. The trio's performance was almost as good, if not as good, as the feature film itself.

Now on to the merits of the film. I don't think you can say anything bad about films of this magnitude, especially since this is like the granddaddy of the huge epics. The spectacular vistas and the costume designs were what probably inspired films like Spartacus, which in turn inspired Gladiator and Rome. And this was before computer-generated imagery, so when we speak of extras, we mean hundreds of extras. And those elephants in the scene where Hannibal crosses the alps---those were real elephants. Director Giovanni Pastrone does a great job behind the camera, as with even slight camera movements, this film pushes the envelope way ahead of its time.

Despite some people falling asleep during the two hour-run (my girlfriend included), it was a great show nonetheless, and you can catch more silent films until September 8.


Rating: Four stars.

Eraserheads: The Reunion

Eraserheads. Reuniting again after how many years. So, was it worth it?

Of course it was. Notwithstanding the fact that the concert was cut short during the halftime break.


And we all thought it was going to rain. Thank God it didn't. But still, there's Murphy's Law, and nobody can stop Murphy's Law except a well-prepared boy scout. Still, nobody could've predicted that Ely's health would fail at the last minute, as they even had a dry run the night before (sound engineer, whoever you are, give me a copy of the dry run). But probably the thirty thousand-strong crowd was too much for Ely Buendia to handle.

Anyway, it was a great show. It was good to hear Raimund Marasigan behind the drums once more, Buddy Zabala spitting out his bass chops (especially in Alapaap), Marcus Adoro (still my favorite E-head) with his steady riffs, and of course, Ely Buendia belting out his masterpieces. There's something about hearing them live once more, when the last time I heard them play live was in a gig at St. Scholastica's Manila, back in 1998. Man, I didn't realize that was like ten years ago.

Anyway, here is the list of songs they performed for their first (and only) set:
1. Alapaap (after which Ely exclaimed "Thank you, and good night!")
2. Ligaya
3. Sembreak
4. Hey Jay
5. Harana
6. Fruitcake
7. Toyang
8. Kama Supra
9. Kailan
10. Huwag Kang Matakot
11. Kaliwete
12. With a Smile
13. Shake Yer Head
14. Huwag Mo Nang Itanong
15. Light Years

Let me just share something my brother told me last night. My brother was a marshall in the VIP section, and it was his job to check the names on the guest list. A guy approached him, and my brother asked, "Kanino pong guest list at ano po pangalan?" (Under which guest list, and your name, please.) To which the guy replied, "Kay Ely po, sabi niya sabihin ko raw Lito Metermaid. Hindi niya kasi alam last name ko eh." (Under Ely's, and he said I'm listed as Lito Metermaid. Ely doesn't know my last name.) My brother found this funny, being reminded of the Beatles song, so he asked the guy, "Kaanu-ano niyo po si Ely?" (How are you related to Ely?) And the guy replied, "Ako 'yung taga-basa ng metro niya." (I'm the guy who reads his electric meter.)

And true enough, there on the guest list was the name Lito Metermaid.


Rating: Four stars.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

George Lucas makes his millions again.

Yes, The Clone Wars is another money-making venture from Lucasfilm, and yes, it's a shameless way to plug the upcoming animated TV series for Cartoon Network. But it's still Star Wars, and the legions of nerds and geeks (yours truly included) will soak this up like a sponge.


The CGI quality of this movie pales in comparison to the cinematic standard set by Pixar. The voices are not the original; only the ubiquitous Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu, Anthony Daniels as that effeminate droid Threepio, Matthew Wood as the battledroids, and the king of celluloid Christopher Lee as Count Dooku, return to reprise their roles. The music is obviously not by John Williams anymore (you'll know it's not your regular Star Wars when you hear electric guitars), and even the famous opening scroll has been replaced by a narrator's voice over.

Animation-wise, the characters are a bit too stiff, and their mouths lack motion (and emotion) when talking. But the animators succeeded in their efforts to try not to look like Beowulf or The Incredibles, for the style they came up with is totally unique. Basically, it's a 3D version of the 2003 Cartoon Network Clone Wars, and it may look a bit angular and dirty, but taken as a whole, the visual look is pretty nice. The vistas are spectacular, and the fight scenes are the film's saving grace. It actually puts the "Wars" in "Clone Wars". If you want battles, lightsaber duels, and outer space dogfights, this film has it all.

If you didn't like the film, that's probably because you're not a Star Wars fan, and this film wasn't made for you. George Lucas made this film for the fans, not for anyone else (who the hell cares about the Clone Wars anyway). Just don't watch this film with a non-Star Wars fan, if you don't want yourself bombarded by questions like "How did Anakin become a bad guy?" or "Why is Anakin stronger than the others?" Anyone new to Star Wars would be better off starting with A New Hope, just like the rest of us. Movies like these are for the more advanced freaks.


Rating: Three and a half stars.