Star Wars Episode 1: The Phantom Menace 3D Review, or Fanboy Expectations vs. Horrible Reality

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EXPECTATION: Even if this is converted 3D, George Lucas will somehow push the envelope of 3D conversion and give us some groundbreaking converted 3D images.
REALITY: No. This is possibly the worst 3D I have seen. Unlike James Cameron, Lucas clearly does not know anything about 3D. The Men in Black III 3D trailer, while also converted 3D, looked more like proper 3D than this one.

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Yoda to Lucas: "Kill you, I will."

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

George Lucas makes his millions again.

Yes, The Clone Wars is another money-making venture from Lucasfilm, and yes, it's a shameless way to plug the upcoming animated TV series for Cartoon Network. But it's still Star Wars, and the legions of nerds and geeks (yours truly included) will soak this up like a sponge.


The CGI quality of this movie pales in comparison to the cinematic standard set by Pixar. The voices are not the original; only the ubiquitous Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu, Anthony Daniels as that effeminate droid Threepio, Matthew Wood as the battledroids, and the king of celluloid Christopher Lee as Count Dooku, return to reprise their roles. The music is obviously not by John Williams anymore (you'll know it's not your regular Star Wars when you hear electric guitars), and even the famous opening scroll has been replaced by a narrator's voice over.

Animation-wise, the characters are a bit too stiff, and their mouths lack motion (and emotion) when talking. But the animators succeeded in their efforts to try not to look like Beowulf or The Incredibles, for the style they came up with is totally unique. Basically, it's a 3D version of the 2003 Cartoon Network Clone Wars, and it may look a bit angular and dirty, but taken as a whole, the visual look is pretty nice. The vistas are spectacular, and the fight scenes are the film's saving grace. It actually puts the "Wars" in "Clone Wars". If you want battles, lightsaber duels, and outer space dogfights, this film has it all.

If you didn't like the film, that's probably because you're not a Star Wars fan, and this film wasn't made for you. George Lucas made this film for the fans, not for anyone else (who the hell cares about the Clone Wars anyway). Just don't watch this film with a non-Star Wars fan, if you don't want yourself bombarded by questions like "How did Anakin become a bad guy?" or "Why is Anakin stronger than the others?" Anyone new to Star Wars would be better off starting with A New Hope, just like the rest of us. Movies like these are for the more advanced freaks.


Rating: Three and a half stars.