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Riding off into the sunset... to certain death.

•Okay, first thing's first. Kong is not a gorilla. He walks upright, like man. So this makes him more a primate than an ape. A primate that looks very much like a gorilla.

•Toby Kebbel dies. The actor I like more than the actual lead star Tom Hiddleston doesn't make it to the end. Why, oh why? Wait, I don't actually know who the lead star is. If it's the one that gets top billing, then it's Hiddleston. But if it's the one with the most screen time, I think it's Samuel L. Jackson. Or Kong.

•I'm not sure if the Richard Nixon bobblehead doll on the helicopter dashboard is an anachronism. Although bobblehead dolls did indeed exist during this period, my research has revealed that early bobblehead dolls had generic faces, with very few specifically recognisable heads, and I don't think Nixon was that popular to warrant his own line of mass-produced bobbleheads.

•The curly-haired Latino scientist–the one who expressed his desire to just stay on the boat–got killed by being snatched from the boat by some flying creature. His death reminded me very much of the accountant's in Jurassic Park.

•Samuel L. Jackson says one of my favourite Samuel L. Jackson lines ever: "Hold on to your butts." This line was, again, from Jurassic Park.

"Problem?"

•Samuel L. Jackson has no redemption. He died a true villain. He didn't even let Kong live. Not even when they had eye contact while Kong was down, when "the big one" was making its way to them. Damn you, Mr. Jackson.

•This film, by the way, is set during the tail-end of the Vietnam War, in case you didn't get the Apocalypse Now vibe this movie seems to be giving off.

•Tom Hiddleston looks great in rugged themes. Yes, he looks great as Loki, but the rugged, unshaven look suits him better. Like how he looked like in The Night Manager. But seriously, what happened to his badassery? The first time we see him, he beats up guys at the pool table, and even breaks a cue stick on his knee. He never followed through on that badassery.

•Kong is huge. Like extremely huge. This is probably the biggest incarnation of Kong on the big screen ever. So it makes sense to see this film on the biggest screen known to man: IMAX. In fact, despite not being shot in IMAX nor in 3D, it seems IMAX 3D is the best format to see this film in.

•This film utilises great CGI. However, the creature designs, not so great. Those skull crawlers? Terrible. I mean, what're they supposed to be? Half-evolved lizard snakes? Ugh.

•And now we go to the end credits scene. So what is their mission now? Is this going to be like a monster cinematic universe? Apparently, it seems like they're serious about the idea.

"God damn, you're ugly."



Kong: Skull Island. USA. 2017.



Original rating: 7.9/10
No Brie Larson nudity: -0.1
Eugene Cordero: +0.1
John Goodman as a despicable character: -0.1
Toby Kebbel dying: -0.1
Samuel L. Jackson dying: +0.1
Final rating: 7.8/10
10:37 AM
DisneyPixar on YouTube

 Monsters University is an excellent example of a good prequel or sequel. First, it doesn't appear forced (at least on the surface), and by "forced" I mean "made for the sake of box office returns". Second, it's a stand-alone film, which is what good sequels or prequels should be. It's possible to enjoy this film without having seen Monsters, Inc., and it gives a whole new level of meaning to those who have actually seen it.

I wish I watched Monsters, Inc. again before watching this.
10:10 AM



The finale of the Wolf Pack saga. The end of Alan (Zach Galifianakis)'s goof-ups. The last misadventure with roofies.

Well technically, there wasn't any misadventure with roofies here (SPOILER ALERT!). They were all hungover after the movie, when the credits were rolling. After Zach got married to Cassie (Melissa McCarthy), that's when things got hazy. That's because the whole movie adventure really didn't involve any hangovers to begin with. It got kickstarted by Marshall (John Goodman) kidnappping Doug (Justin Bartha).


A.k.a. "The dude who always doesn't get to join the (mis)adventures.
11:29 AM
Focus Features/Laika

ParaNorman is the animated version of The Sixth Sense. You know, because he sees dead people. Just kidding.

Focus Features/Laika
But seriously, he sees dead people.
6:41 PM
YouTube

I've been a fan of Ben Affleck's directorial talent ever since 2010's The Town. If you still haven't forgiven Ben Affleck for doing Daredevil or for coming up with the portmanteau "Bennifer", then Argo is for you. Although I'm not really sure if he did come up with "Bennifer", but he is equally guilty for not exerting any effort to put an end to it.

"Good thing you nailed another Jennifer."

Here are the reasons why Argo is the best movie of the year. Pending the release of The Hobbit, of course.
2:02 PM
YouTube

Wait... this seems like a movie about 9-11. Which means this is a drama. Boring!


That's obviously CGI.

But wait... this doesn't tackle the terrorist angle that 9-11 films usually go for. This tackles the journey of a young boy as he tries to make ends meet after his father's death. Which still means this is a drama. Boring!

Q: What should the filmmakers do to make this more interesting and less boring?
A: Throw in two Academy award-winners. One Best Actress winner by the name of Sandra Bullock, and another back-to-back Best Actor winner by the name of Tom Hanks.


"My... what a boring script!"

Okay, Sandra Bullock's part was a bit tear-jerky. But Tom Hanks part was... boring!


"You watch your mouth, young man."

Q: What else should the filmmakers do to appease the fans who are annoyed by the mere presence of Sandra Bullock and Tom Hanks?
A: Throw in a lot of familiar faces with decent acting abilities.

1. Viola Davis


"I don't care if this film blows. I'm nominated
for The Help, anyway."


2. John Goodman


"I don't care if this film blows. I'm in The Artist, anyway."


3. Jeffrey Wright



"I don't care if this film blows.
I'm in The Ides of March, anyway."


4. Max Von Sydow


"It's von-see-dough, not von-sigh-dough."


Q: What should the filmmakers do to guarantee that this film doesn't win Best Picture?
A: Cast an annoying kid in the lead role.


The eyes should be a dead giveaway.

Don't get me wrong. This film has a lot of touching moments. But they've been successfully negated by the mere presence of this kid named Thomas Horn.

Okay, before we go, here's the trailer, along with one good and one bad thing about it.


The Good: The use of my favorite U2 song ever, "Where the Streets Have No Name".
The Bad: The false promise that James Gandolfini would be in it.


Thou shalt not falsely advertise Tony Soprano.

Wait, one last thing before we go.


And yes, I just had to put this in here. 



Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close. USA. 2011.



Rating: Six and a half out of ten.



You might also want to read mumblingmaya's review.
2:01 PM
Film.com

I've already mentioned this before, but I'm mentioning it again.

I came up with the term "effective realism" as a cinematic technique, and I'm hoping I could get it recognized as a legitimate term in film theory. To do that, however, I need to write a full academic paper on it, and get it published in a reputable academic journal, and sadly I do not have time to do that. Hopefully some time in the near future.


That's 'cause I'm too busy scoring with chicks.

Anyway, the previous discussions I've had about effective realism had to do with language. Effective realism means that the language spoken in a film narrative should be accurate. If it's a film about ancient Rome, then the characters should speak in Latin. That means the only film about Jesus Christ that uses effective realism is The Passion of the Christ. That film's director, Mel Gibson, took effective realism further with his follow-up film Apocalypto, where the characters spoke Yucatec Mayan.

After watching The Artist, I've discovered that effective realism actually involves more than just the dialogue. It involves the entire film. Like Martin Scorsese's Hugo, The Artist is a film about films─specifically, silent films. And what better way to pay tribute to the era of silent films than to tell it in... silence.


Silent except for the sound of how awesome his mustache is.

Wait, what?

Yes, this film is a silent film. In 2011, you ask? Yes again. But what does effective realism have to do with it? Everything.


  1. This film has no dialogue. That's because films did not have dialogue back in the late 1920s.
  2. This film was shot at 22 frames per second. That's because films back then were shot at lower frame rates.
  3. This film is in black and white. That's because color did not exist back then.
  4. This film uses the old 1.33:1 aspect ratio. That's because this was the same aspect ratio used by silent films.
  5. This film utilizes no zoom shots. That's because the zoom technique did not exist back then.
  6. This film depends heavily on the musical score. That's because the old films did, too.


That, ladies and gentlemen, is the true essence of effective realism. What it basically does is create a fake yet extremely believable world using authentic and accurate elements such as language, cinematography, costume design, editing, and acting. Good job, Michel Hazanavicius.


"Merci."

Despite being a French/Belgian production, there are some familiar Hollywood faces here, such as John Goodman, James Cromwell, Penelope Ann Miller, Missi Pyle, and a short cameo by British actor Malcolm McDowell. But the best acting of all came from George Valentin himself, Monsieur Jean Dujardin. It's got to be the smile.

VLC

Seriously. Just look at that mug.



The Artist. France/Belgium. 2011.



Rating: Nine out of ten.
3:41 PM
Romantic comedies fail to leave me unentertained. Even if the movie sucked big-time, I still feel like I at least got my money's worth for two-something hours of entertainment. So I do have a particular bias for rom-coms.

Okay, let me just blurt it out. I love romantic comedies. And I think Isla Fisher is really cute.

Despite the title, the story does not center on Isla Fisher's shopping addiction, nor on her support group Shopaholics Anonymous. It's basically a love story, more than anything else, between Ms. Fisher's character and her boss, played by Hugh Dancy. The shopaholic angle is merely a device to give the characters something to propel themselves forward with.

Isla Fisher is extremely delightful in her performance, able to pull off her sweet yet slightly dishonest character. And the lovely Kristin Scott Thomas likewise gives a splendid performance, as the heavily-accented French owner of a magazine. Veterans John Goodman and Joan Cusack play Ms. Fisher's parents, and for those who remember these two actors in their prime, you'd be surprised at how much both of them aged. You could almost feel their wrinkles while looking up at them on the screen. Anyway, everybody grows old, and one day all of us will look like that, so just be thankful we are still blessed with the recklessness of youth. One actress to look out for would be newcomer Krysten Ritter, the young, sexy, and funny lady who plays Isla Fisher's best friend. A few more movies and she'd be as busy as Ms. Fisher herself.

Some outstanding scenes in the movie include the talking store mannequins. Of course they're computer-generated. But what's great is that they were done by ILM's wizard-in-residence, Mr. John Knoll himself, who is more famous for his special effects work in the Star Wars prequel trilogy. But those scenes took only a few minutes---not enough to convert this from a rom-com to a special effects flick. So for now, we enjoy window shopping, clothing sales, and staring at Isla Fisher's cute face.


Confessions of a Shopaholic. 2009. USA.

Rating: Six out of ten.
11:07 PM

Describe the film in two words: Eye Candy.

The Wachowski brothers have tried to raise their own bar, and they may have succeeded visually. Every second of the film is a visual treat, as all you can think of when bombarded by the colors are lollipops and carnivals. Perhaps they made a conscious effort to veer away from the Matrix's shadow, going for extreme color as opposed to the metallic hues of the Matrix.

Before passing judgment on the filmmakers, let us first consider that this is a family film, and that should give you an idea of what to expect. It succeeds as an adaptation, with the Wachowskis drawing the line between "adaptation" and "homage". This film is clearly an example of the latter, as the bubble gum-look of the movie would not have been possible if a non-fan of the original series took the helm. The filmmakers know how to pay tribute to the original creators, and pay tribute they do, all the way to the closing song.

The movie however, fails in the storytelling, as the character development was not maximized. But that really is a difficult task, as it took years for the cartoon series to flesh out their characters, and we can't expect the Wachowskis to squeeze it all in two hours. But is the plot actually character-driven or plot-driven? It's kind of hard to decide, what with all the colors flashing before your eyes.

The cast gave good performances, despite the fact that the characters' development was sacrificed over the action. Emile Hirsch is commendable as Speed, as he actually watched every Speed Racer episode to prepare for the role. Susan Sarandon and John Goodman play the parents pretty well, and if you suspend your disbelief, you wouldn't notice that two Hollywood big-names are actually in this picture. Christina Ricci would have gotten more screen time if the Wachowskis actually developed her character a little bit, but even her romantic scenes with Speed are playfully held back (again, since this is a family film). Paulie Litt as Spritle shows promise, and I wouldn't be surprised if this kid branched out to comedy. The one who takes the cake, however, is Roger Allam as Mr. Royalton. He gives meaning to the words "despicable villain."

Again, this is a family film, and as such, should be judged according to different standards. And if you're a hard-to-please moviegoer, you can always drop some acid before watching the show.


Rating: Three and a half stars.
8:51 AM
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