2013 marks my first foray into the wonderful world of Oscar betting. I would've Moneyballed the shit out of it, but the damn bookies took out multiples a week before the ceremony. Because I've already discovered a mathematical formula for calculating Oscar odds. And no, I am not going to share it.
Anyway, the official list of winners can be found on the official Oscar site (of course, where else?), but if you want to read the actual winners, my favorites, and some useless commentary, then by all means, read on.
Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliott
Why It Won: It's the tiger. No other reason.
Written by Chris Terrio
|NY Daily News|
Why It Won: Bloody brilliant. In the words of producer George Clooney, Terrio's first draft was the most brilliant first draft he's ever seen in his Hollywood career. I can't link to the actual interview, so you're going to have to trust me on that one. Also, doesn't Terrio look like a less crazy Sean William Scott?
Written by Quentin Tarantino
Why It Won: Excessive use of the "N" word─and getting away with it. Also, I think any screenwriter who can get Christoph Waltz two Oscars deserves an Oscar himself, right?
Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson and Simon Hayes
Why It Won: If a musical is also nominated for Best Picture, chances are it will win the Sound Mixing award.
Per Hallberg and Karen Baker Landers
Why They Won: They did a great job of manipulating Javier Bardem's voice so we can understand what the hell he's saying.
SHORT FILM─LIVE ACTION
Why It Won: I don't know. I haven't seen it.
Why It Won: It's in black-and-white, beautifully drawn and lit, and it was produced by Disney. Go figure.
Rick Carter (Production Design); Jim Erickson (Set Decoration)
Why It Won: Like I mentioned in my review of Lincoln, this is a time travel film.
"Skyfall" from Skyfall
Music and Lyric by Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth
Why It Won: Americans love Adele, despite her huge legs like tree trunks.
Why It Won: Americans love exotic Eastern music and weird names (his "Michael" is spelled with a "Y", which is weird).
MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING
Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell
Why It Won: The film just looks so convincingly dirty, just like 18th century France.
FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Why It Won: Amour wasn't going home empty-handed. It was Emmanuelle Riva's birthday, after all, and she's not going home with a statue.
Why It Won: If you have to ask this, you've obviously never seen the film. The tension and the pacing were just nail-bitingly perfect.
Sean Fine and Andrea Nix Fine
Why It Won: I have yet to see it. I think it's because this film is about an artist, and the Academy didn't let Banksy's documentary win two years ago.
Searching for Sugar Man
Malik Bendjelloul and Simon Chinn
Why It Won: I have yet to see it.
Why It Won: The Academy has to have at least one non-American in the major categories, so it was either Ang Lee or Michael Haneke. Also, how many of you thought Ang Lee is gay? He's not. He's just a soft kind of guy.
Why It Won: I haven't seen it, but it looks like another time travel movie.
Why It Won: Life of Pi has possibly the most beautifully-lit night shots I have ever seen on film. It's that whale scene that clinched it.
ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Mark Andrews and Brenda Chapman
Why It Won: It's Princess Merida's hair.
ACTRESS─IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Why She Won: She sang, she acted, and she shaved her head.
ACTOR─IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Why He Won: Somehow, Tommy Lee Jones's performance in Lincoln wasn't quite up to par with Waltz's.
ACTRESS─IN A LEADING ROLE
Why She Won: It is seriously too early to give Jessica Chastain an Oscar. Lawrence, on the other hand, has been nominated for Winter's Bone. And as Seth McFarlane has pointed out, we've never seen her boobs yet.
ACTOR─IN A LEADING ROLE
Why He Won: Why are you even asking this?
Grant Heslov, Ben Affleck and George Clooney, Producers
Why It Won: The Academy had to make up for its biggest mistake this year, and that is not nominating Ben Affleck in the Directing category. And yes, Grant Heslov is that actor from True Lies.
Life of Pi: Four (4)
Argo and Les Misérables: Three (3) each
Django Unchained, Lincoln, and Skyfall: Two (2) each
Amour, Anna Karenina, Brave, and Silver Linings Playbook: One (1) each