Da Couch Tomato

An attempt at a new layout, with horrible glitches, and very minimal knowledge of HTML.



This is Pixar's latest flick, an' contrary tae wha' ye might think, this isnae a story aboot Princess Merida.

This is a story aboot her hair.

Once upon a time, there wis a bigshot at Pixar studios whae said, "Hey, why doon we make a fairy tale?" So he developed his concept, an' decided tha' the lead character should be a big, frizzy mass of fiery red hair. One of the interns at Pixar asked him, "Doon ye mean the lead character should be a princess with a big, frizzy mass of fiery red hair?" The bigshot looked at the intern an' said, "Naw, the lead character is hair. Jis hair. Which jis happens tae be attached tae the head of a princess." An' then the intern wis fired.

Fir asking too many hair-related questions.

So the bigshot brought his concept tae the animation department. "Ah want our hair character tae beat all other hair characters! She should be synonymous wi' the word "hair". When people say "hair", they should think of our character, not Cousin Itt from the Addams Family."

Cousin Itt is pure hair.

The animators showed him some test shots, but the bigshot was displeased. "Ah want her tae be more than a big, frizzy mass a' ginger! Ah want her tae be alive! Ah want hair tha' moves wi' intelligence, as if every strand were a sentient being!" The animators replied tha' t'was the best they could do using thair hair software frim Monsters, Inc.

Also, the bigshot wanted it red. Vairy red.

So the bigshot went tae the programmers, an' told 'em tae write a new hair program, one tha' could make ginger hair come alive like a monstar wi' curly tentacles. An' they did. The programmers called the new hair program "Taz", after the Tasmanian Devil frim Looney Tunes, 'cause it successfully created hair tha' was unruly an' uncontrollable.

Which everyone got a chance tae display.

An' the bigshot was vairy, vairy proud of his new star, a tangled, gigantic mass a' ginger locks. Then he went tae the writers an' told 'em, "Let's create a feature film aroond our superstar!" An' they did. "Red hair reminds me o' Karen Gillan!" said the bigshot, whae was a big fan o' Karen Gillan's flawless white legs. "Karen Gillan is Scottish, so let's set our film in Scotland!" An' they did.

Will McAvoy would be proud.

"Le's also git real Scottish actors tae do the voices, so we git authentic Scottish accents! Le's erase the popular notion tha' Mel Gibson is Scottish because he did Braveheart!" An' they did. But they were unable tae sign Karen Gillan tae voice the hair, so they settled fir Kelly Macdonald instead.

An' she di' a bonny job.

Brave. USA. 2012.

Rating: Siven out a' ten.

You may also want to check out the other Brave reviews from mumblingmaya and Julie Cola Shen.

Follow Sting Lacson on Twitter.


Premium Blogspot Templates
Copyright © 2012 Da Couch Tomato