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The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. HFR 3D


The Hobbit was a children's book which was made into an adult film, so this adult film will be reviewed like a children's book. Written by a child.

The Hobbit is a nice movie. It is very colorful. I like the grass in the Shire. It is very green and realistic. The pictures look very real, like the big HD TV in my parents' room. I can see almost every hair on Gandalf's beard. The 3D made me dizzy. When the dragon attacked in the beginning of the film, I vomited in my seat. My older sister said she is not taking me to watch 3D again.

My vomit is more colorful than the Shire.

The dwarfs dwarves are very funny. There are 13 dwarves. I know all their names: Thorin, Balin, Dwalin, Fili, Kili, Sneezy, Happy, Dopey, Grumpy, John, Paul, George, and Ringo. Just kidding. I do not remember all of them.

I am not good with names. But I am good with faces.

My favorite dwarf is Dwalin, because he is like a tough badass dwarf. My second favorite dwarf is the one who burps really long, but I don't like the way he talks, because he sounds gay. My third favorite dwarf is Thror Thrain Thorin because he reminds me of Russell Crowe. My fourth favorite dwarf is the one wearing the hat that looks like Genghis Khan's hat. My fifth favorite dwarf is Bombur, because he reminds me of Obelix. He is named Bombur because he looks like a bomb. My sister's favorite dwarf is Kili. She said she wants to have dwarf babies with him.

She doesn't know their baby could
end up looking like Gimli.

There are other characters in this movie. Not just dwarves. There are also hobbits and wizards and elves and rabbits and trolls and goblins and golems gollums. My favorite hobbit is Bilbo Baggins. He is funny. I think he is also the guy in a TV show my father watches. My favorite wizard is Radagast the Brown, because he loves and cares for animals and because I like chocolate and brown is the color of chocolate. My favorite elf is Legolas, but he is not in this movie. So my next favorite elf is Galadriel, because Cate Blanchett is really biutiful.

I don't care if her ears are weird.

I do not like the goblin king, because his chin reminds me of the weird wobbly skin under my penis. I also do not like the dragon Smaug, because he has so much gold and he does not want to give some of his gold to Radagast so he can buy some new clothes.

"You sure you don't want my old clothes?"

Overall, I liked The Hobbit, and I cannot wait for the next Hobbit movie.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey. USA/New Zealand. 2012.

Rating: Eight point two out of ten.

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