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Valentine's Day


This movie is just a lame-o excuse to milk moviegoers' pockets on Valentine's Day.

The screenwriters attempted a multi-character narrative, with several subplots woven together. But it failed.

Did it fail because the multi-character style was confusing? No. Well, maybe just a tad bit confusing.

Did it fail because the weaving of the subplots wasn't tight? Not really. It was woven together quite well.

The reason it failed: the individual subplots sucked.

Jennifer Garner and Ashton Kutcher's subplot: Predictable. You could see it coming a mile away.

Jennifer Garner and the Little Kid subplot: No set-up. There was an attempt at misdirection. An attempt. Ho-hum.

Jennifer Garner and Patrick Dempsey subplot: Typical.

Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway subplot: Nice. But only because it's Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway.

Hector Elizondo and Shirley MacLaine a.k.a. The Old Couple subplot: I liked this. Even though it was a bit cliché.

Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner subplot: Please. Abs + bimbo = bleh.

Ashton Kutcher and Jessica Alba subplot: Okay, then what? What happens to Jessica Alba?

Bradley Cooper and Eric Dane subplot: Where the hell did that come from? No set-up at all.

Julia Roberts and Bradley Cooper subplot: Boo. Just because Bradley Cooper didn't make a move doesn't mean that the subplot above was set up.

Julia Roberts and Little Kid subplot: Win. For being the only non-romantic subplot in the movie. Mothers, please bring a hanky.

Lesson learned: Multi-character and multi-subplot narratives are great, if the individual stories are great, and if they are woven together tight. It has to be all or nothing. You can't have some good individual stories and some not-so-good ones woven together. They have to be all good. Otherwise, it will seem like a smile with some teeth missing.


*some info from IMDb
pic from fanpop.com


Valentine's Day. USA. 2010.


Original rating: Zero stars.
Topher Grace and Anne Hathaway subplot: Two stars.
Hector Elizondo and Shirley MacLaine a.k.a. The Old Couple subplot: Two stars.
Julia Roberts and Little Kid subplot: Two stars.
Trying hard to copy Love Actually but failing: Minus one star.
Final rating: Five stars.

3 comments :

Why is Swift a bimbo?

By the way, Kanye is the most overrated "artist" of all time.

Of all time.

Gab said...

A friend of mine was trying to get me to watch this because it's like Love Actually daw. :-| Glad I didn't waste my time on it.

@Mayn: Taylor Swift is a bimbo in this movie. And I disagree about Kanye. Wait, why is Kanye mentioned here? He wasn't in the movie. Maybe this was supposed to be for "We Are the World"? Hehe.

@Gab: Troh. Love Actually my arse. Hahaha.

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