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Bananas in pajamas overalls.

As is the current trend with animated feature films, viewers are treated to a preceding short film, which may or may not be related to the main feature. For Illumination Entertainment, the studio behind Despicable Me, The Secret Life of Pets is its seventh full-length feature release, and its accompanying short, Mower Minions, is the studio’s first short. Oh, and it stars the studio’s poster boys, a.k.a. the Minions.

The short starts out in the Minions’ living room, where they are watching a home shopping channel selling blenders. Realising that they would need this to make banana smoothies, they break open their piggy bank to see how much funds they have. Of course they don’t have any money, so they decide to do some manual labour to earn some extra income. So they head over to Fuzzy Memories Retirement Home to do some yard work, but instead they wreak havoc. What did you expect with Minions and power tools, anyway? What they actually bring to the senior citizens isn’t cleanliness; it’s happiness. Turns out the oldies haven’t laughed hard in a long time, and so the Minions get paid for their destructive antics, which they use to purchase their blender.

Like with babies, the more time you spend with Minions, the more their speech becomes intelligible, and you find yourself recognising more and more words from their very strange and limited vocabulary. But like with true slapstick comedy, words aren’t necessary, as the hilarious actions speak volumes.

In Pixar’s case, the accompanying short films tend to serve as the training ground for directors who will eventually move on to direct their full-length movies. In Illumination’s case, it seems that the shorts serve as nothing more than extra time for the movie patrons to make it to their seats. Mower Minions is still entertaining, though, don’t get me wrong. But if you’re looking for something that could get an Oscar nomination for Best Short, you’re not going to find it here.

Unlike that leaf blower, this short won't blow you away.
11:29 AM
This probably looked good in 3D.

Like most computer-animated films being released nowadays, The Secret Life of Pets is also released with a preceding animated short film. Unlike other computer-animated films, however, this film's short sucks. The plot is about the Minions (those cute/annoying yellow turds from Despicable Me) trying to purchase a blender, then hilarity ensues. For adults, that hilarity is ho-hum. But the kids will probably have a good laugh over it.

The premise of The Secret Life of Pets is basically like Toy Story for animals. It's pretty straightforward in the title: when the owners are away, pets have a secret life, like this classic poodle that plays death metal music while banging its head. The timeline for this movie occurs in one of those periods between the owner's departure and arrival. So that's maybe twelve hours? I wonder how long that is in dog time.

Duke is so cute. Like a walking chocolate carpet.

This film isn't bad. It's just not Pixar-level good. For adults, it doesn't have that "Aww" factor we associate with animated films that tug at the heartstrings, except maybe for those who are hardcore pet lovers. I wouldn't know, because I'm not hardcore, but there might be a pet reference or two in this film that could be considered as nuggets of wisdom. Again, I wouldn't know, as I mostly just sat back and laughed at the jokes.

Seeing that this film is mainly for children, the casting of voice actors was most likely the studio's attempt to appeal to the grown-up crowd. There's Louis C.K. as Max, Eric Stonestreet as Duke, Kevin Hart as Snowball the bunny, Albert Brooks as Tiberius, Dana Carvey as Pops, among other stars–these are just some of the biggest names in comedy right now, in case you didn't notice (except for Carvey, who was big in the '90s and is making more of a comeback here). These comics are supposed to draw the parents into sharing a two-hour family-friendly movie with their children, although the little kids couldn't really care less about who voices the characters they're seeing onscreen.

That said, The Secret Life of Pets succeeds as a traditional animated film, and I mean traditional in the "cartoons are for children" sense. Adults may not share the same sentiment, especially those who've been exposed to a lot of Pixar and Studio Ghibli.

You just gotta love the texture on that dog's nose.



The Secret Life of Pets. USA. 2016.



Original rating: 6/10
Dana Carvey: +0.1
Taylor Swift's "Welcome to New York" as the opening song: +0.1
Final rating: 6.2/10
3:30 PM
YouTube

Illumination Entertainment has fallen into the Hollywood money-making mentality called "the sequel trap". With only four releases under Illumination's belt, it's sad that they already had to resort to sequels.

They also had to resort to seeing through women's clothing.
4:32 PM
YouTube

Let's start off with...

The 3D Review 
I've heard people comment on my 3D reviews, saying that they've had a lot of nosebleeds, because they found the reviews to be too technical and jargon-filled. That's because the 3D part of the review was meant for stereographers and people interested in stereo photography. So you can just skip to the regular review.


"Move along now... move along."

All I have to say about the 3D for The Lorax is... not bad. Good job, Illumination entertainment. But in one shot, when the subject went out beyond the screen plane, the stereography was too strong. The separation was too great, it was unnatural, and thus a strain on the eyes. But that was just one shot.

And now, we go on to...


The Regular Review
Just how true to the source material should an adaptation be for it to still be considered an adaptation?


"You tell me!"

I don't really know how true you have to be, because I don't really know the gauge for measuring truth. I rely more on feel. If it feels more or less like the book, then the adaptation works. Or if the film elicits from you the same emotions as the original, then it works as an adaptation.

This film, therefore, does not work as an adaptation.

If we go by feel, then this obviously fails. It feels nothing like the book. The story is definitely set in the modern world, and no amount of crooked architecture will make it feel like a Seussian world (I just made that word up). The human characters aren't even drawn in the Seussian style.


Too pretty by half.

If we go by emotions, then this film fails as well. The original book had the feeling of whimsy, of wonder, and of straight-up Seussian senselessness. If you got any of those emotions while watching this film, then I'd like to ask what you've been smoking, and I'd like to have some of that.

Basically, the only things that looked legitimately from the Dr. Seuss universe were the trees, maybe the houses, and the annoying goldfish.



"We have teeth!"

My point is, since this film has departed quite far from the book, it can actually stand alone as an original work in itself, which is a movie about caring for the environment.

And for that, you don't need the Lorax anymore.


But you still need a villain with a really bad haircut.



Dr. Seuss' The Lorax. USA. 2012.



Rating: Six out of ten.
11:42 AM
MEMO1

FROM: Ze Big Bosses
TO: All cast and crew, Despicable Me
RE: Kudos

Kudos to everyone who worked hard on Despicable Me, making Illumination Entertainment's first film a huge success. I don't really like using the word "kudos". I only like using Latin-descended words. Anyway, Despicable Me's success is sure to show Pixar and DreamWorks that they don't have the monopoly over great computer-animated films.

To the voice actors (Steve Carrell, Jason Segel, Russell Brand, and Julie Andrews), GREAT JOB! (See, "great job" sounds way better than "kudos".) I told you guys before that voice actors should be paid for their talent, not their voice. I am personally sick and tired of Hollywood's "Name That Voice" approach to voice acting, which doesn't pose any challenge whatsoever. I mean, I can name that voice in one word. With my eyes closed. Come on. I hope our new approach, which I like to call "The Mel Blanc Tradition", catches on.

And to the animation department, great job on the 3D! This is way more eye-popping-in-your-face 3D than How to Train Your Dragon. Again, that'll show DreamWorks and Pixar. I especially love the end credits sequence. It's so real! (You have to say that the same way as "It's so fluffy!")

To the sound department, good call on using Pharrell (is that a double-R and double-L?). "Despicable Me" is like the best theme song to a computer-animated film ever. Here's to an Oscar for Best Original Song! Or a nomination at least. 

And finally, let me just say that I was teary-eyed by the movie's end. The daughters are soooo cute! They're so fluffy!

Again, great job, all of you. Just give yourselves a pat on the back. Don't expect any bonuses just now, as we are a new company, and we will not see tremendous returns until after our fourth fiscal year.


1Not a real memo.




*some info from IMDb
pic from swaleff.wordpress.com


Despicable Me. USA. 2010.


Rating: Eight out of ten.
3D-ness: Nine out of ten.
5:52 PM
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