Movie Review: The Secret Life of Pets, or It's a Pity Kids Don't Know Who Louis C.K. Is

Screenrant

This probably looked good in 3D.

Like most computer-animated films being released nowadays, The Secret Life of Pets is also released with a preceding animated short film. Unlike other computer-animated films, however, this film's short sucks. The plot is about the Minions (those cute/annoying yellow turds from Despicable Me) trying to purchase a blender, then hilarity ensues. For adults, that hilarity is ho-hum. But the kids will probably have a good laugh over it.

The premise of The Secret Life of Pets is basically like Toy Story for animals. It's pretty straightforward in the title: when the owners are away, pets have a secret life, like this classic poodle that plays death metal music while banging its head. The timeline for this movie occurs in one of those periods between the owner's departure and arrival. So that's maybe twelve hours? I wonder how long that is in dog time.

Slash Film

Duke is so cute. Like a walking chocolate carpet.

This film isn't bad. It's just not Pixar-level good. For adults, it doesn't have that "Aww" factor we associate with animated films that tug at the heartstrings, except maybe for those who are hardcore pet lovers. I wouldn't know, because I'm not hardcore, but there might be a pet reference or two in this film that could be considered as nuggets of wisdom. Again, I wouldn't know, as I mostly just sat back and laughed at the jokes.

Seeing that this film is mainly for children, the casting of voice actors was most likely the studio's attempt to appeal to the grown-up crowd. There's Louis C.K. as Max, Eric Stonestreet as Duke, Kevin Hart as Snowball the bunny, Albert Brooks as Tiberius, Dana Carvey as Pops, among other stars–these are just some of the biggest names in comedy right now, in case you didn't notice (except for Carvey, who was big in the '90s and is making more of a comeback here). These comics are supposed to draw the parents into sharing a two-hour family-friendly movie with their children, although the little kids couldn't really care less about who voices the characters they're seeing onscreen.

That said, The Secret Life of Pets succeeds as a traditional animated film, and I mean traditional in the "cartoons are for children" sense. Adults may not share the same sentiment, especially those who've been exposed to a lot of Pixar and Studio Ghibli.

comingsoon.net

You just gotta love the texture on that dog's nose.

The Secret Life of Pets. USA. 2016.



Original rating: 6/10
Dana Carvey: +0.1
Taylor Swift's "Welcome to New York" as the opening song: +0.1
Final rating: 6.2/10

American Horror Story. Season 1

I don't remember the last time I saw a horror show on television. That's because I'm a wuss. It's not that I don't like them. It's just that I like getting scared, but I don't like getting scared. I'm not making sense. Let me put it this way. It's like you don't like the smell of your own fart, because it smells like rotten eggs, but you smell them anyway. It's the same with horror stories.

Anyway, this show seems to be critically acclaimed or something. But I've never heard of it. And that's the great thing about watching things which you know nothing about. There are no prejudices to begin with. So that when you like the show, you like it because it appeals to you, and not because of some review you read on a website by some writer who knows nothing of cinema.


1. "Pilot"

That's not what she really looks like.

Yes, it is creepy. The down syndrome kid is creepy. The burned-up guy Larry (Denis O'Hare) is creepy. The old maid is creepy. But the young maid is hot. And Violet Harmon (Taissa Farmiga) is cute. And yes, she is Vera's kid sister.

Bad Teacher

This is supposed to be a parody of those teacher-student films, like Stand and Deliver from the eighties, and Dangerous Minds from the nineties. As a parody, though, it's not that funny.

True, there are some laugh-out-loud moments. But that's not enough to elevate this to the status of a comedy gem.

Not even on weed.

Justin Timberlake is such a great actor that he makes his goody two-shoes teacher really believable. Cameron Diaz doesn't seem to be acting at all that she makes her slutty character really believable. And I didn't know that these two used to date.

You can tell by their familiarity with the doggy style.

Anyway, how did Cameron Diaz end up with Jason Segel? That was poorly set up, writers, really. I can write that better than you. I should be in Hollywood.


Bad Teacher. USA. 2011.


Rating: Four out of ten.
Eric Stonestreet's performance: Eight out of ten.



*some info from IMDb
pics from VLC