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Ever since, Jon Snow knew nothing.

Farewell, Game of Thrones.

1. I remember the first time I encountered Game of Thrones. I only read the books later, but I remember reading a feature about HBO's upcoming new show, and it had me at the premise: "The Sopranos in Middle-Earth". And ever since the pilot dropped, I’ve watched every episode religiously on the day they aired.

2. I remember the first time I discovered Tumblr. Well, I’ve been on Tumblr for a while already before GoT, but back then, I used it more like a blogging platform. I remember it was the GoT memes back in Season 1 that made me realise what Tumblr was really for: a magical place of memes and GIFs for every fandom in the world.

3. I remember creating this meme for Season 2, then hearing from a friend that my meme was going viral on 9Gag, although my creator watermark at the bottom was cropped out. I then went on 9Gag and confronted the person who uploaded it and tried to tell him that he stole his post from me. He tried to explain it to me, but I forgot how things went down after that.

Deviantart

4. I remember how the culture of spoilers, although it may have started way before GoT began, actually peaked during GoT’s historical run. History will remember this as the period when spoiler ethics were set by the global community. See, if we can agree on what constitutes a spoiler, then we should be able to agree on anything.

5. I remember how I wasn’t that into Sophie Turner before. Yeah, she was very pretty, but I didn’t really find her sexually attractive – yet. Then I saw her rapping to Eminem’s “The Real Slim Shady”, and her hotness level just skyrocketed through the roof. Now I am a super fan.


6. I remember after the first two seasons, I decided I wanted to try reading the books. So I had this really crappy, cheap-ass laptop (I don’t think it was even a proper laptop, it was more like a portable low-end gadget that can do very primitive computer functions), and I started reading the books, meaning the A Song of Ice and Fire saga. A little into the third book, I found that I didn’t remember most of the details being mentioned in the text, so I tried going back to the previous books and discovered that although I recalled a certain detail being mentioned, I had difficulty locating where that detail was in the text, which was in .pdf format. Conclusion: I prefer reading real books to e-books, because with old books, I could remember where I read a certain detail, and what part of the page it was located. Strangely, that skill didn’t carry over to digital books. How sad.

7. I remember when I first realised that this was the biggest television show in human history. It was when I read an article saying that Game of Thrones was the most pirated show in history (not anymore, although it was the Number 1 most pirated show for six years in a row). And by pirated, I mean illegally downloaded. I mean, for HBO to take a relaxed stand on the piracy of its show means only one of two things: it doesn’t mind the piracy, because it brings the show to an even wider audience, or the piracy has gotten so out of control because of the sheer numbers.

8. I remember when Season 6 of Game of Thrones coincided with the 2016 Philippine presidential elections. Even the Commission on Elections used GoT references for their election materials. That’s how big this show got, people.


9. I remember being surprised that Jim Broadbent would be joining the show. Of course I knew who Jim Broadbent was before this, but after watching his very first scene, I was just blown away. After that, I decided to watch old Jim Broadbent films, and now I am a huge fanboy. Also, I think I created a Reddit account just so I could post this:

Jim Broadbent should win an award for his performance as Archmaester Ebrose from r/HBOGameofThrones


10. I remember reminiscing on my early attempts at meme-making, and so I decided to make memes again for Seasons 6 and 7. This particular Season 7 meme of mine garnered 6K+ upvotes. A personal best. You’re welcome, 9Gag.

9Gag

11. I remember the sadness I felt during the last season. My excitement when the Battle of Winterfell aired, and my annoyance at how dark the screen was. My reservations that Sansa Stark was turning into a bitch. My disappointment at Daenerys’s descent into madness. My sadness at Varys’s execution. My non-surpise at Jon stabbing Daenerys in the throne room. My grief at Cersei and Jaime buried under all that rubble. My admiration at Tyrion Lannister’s integrity. My amazement at Drogon melting the Iron Throne. My snicker at Bran Stark being named king. And my sadness upon realising that there might never be another show like this, watched, celebrated, and talked about collectively by millions around the world.

And now my watch has ended.

Where's Lena?



Game of Thrones. USA/UK. 2010-2019.



Original rating: 10/10
Surpassing the books: -0.1
Rushing the last two seasons: -0.1
Final rating: 9.8/10
5:58 PM
HBO
"I'm tougher than you, Jaime. I still have both my hands."

•The show opens with a marching Lannister army, fresh from the sacking of Highgarden, and a visual testament to how expensive this show's budget is for extras. As the scene unfolds, some of you may start to wonder, "What the hell is Bronn still doing here? How in the name of the old gods is he still alive?" The answer to that is plain and simple, but some might find it difficult to accept: Bronn is the best player of the game of thrones. No, really. A lowborn, with no great House to protect him, yet always on the front lines of the action – how the hell is he still alive?

•I thought Bran Stark's powers include the ability to read the memories of an object. Like those people who can touch a coin and see where it has been, or those who can touch a key and see which lock it opens. But apparently not, because as soon as his fingers touched the Valyrian steel dagger, he should have known that Littlefinger lied about who he lost the dagger to (it wasn't Tyrion).

•Hooray for Arya's homecoming! Now the Stark siblings – at least those still alive – are back in Winterfell, and that's all that matters. After all, there must always be a Stark in Winterfell, and now there are three. Arya has become a formidable warrior, Sansa has become a cunning politician, and Bran has become the most powerful character in this series so far. If only the writers knew how to maximise his potential.

•I just love the sexual tension between the Mother of Dragons and the King in the North. Jon Snow should have made his move in the cave. The Dothraki guards have already been told to stay back, so I'm sure they could have done a quickie in there. Oh, but Jon Snow's fully armoured. Yeah, I forgot. Undressing would eat up precious time.

•Hello, Podrick. You've gotten fat. Maybe that's why you can't seem to win any sparring matches with Brienne? It's okay, though. You're a nice guy and a loyal squire, and I hope you don't die in this series.

•Hello, Arya. You show-off. Why don't you just take your Valyrian steel dagger and point it at Littlefinger's throat, the way he pointed a blade at Ned Stark's throat? In fact, while Littlefinger's in Winterfell, why don't you disguise yourself as Sansa and seduce him? Then when he has his guard down, rip your mask off and catch him off guard, then slash his throat? Either way, Littlefinger must die.

HBO
"Obi-Wan has taught you well."

•I really think Ser Davos has a thing for Missandei. Who wouldn't? Davos isn't married, as far as I know. Although Missandei has a boyfriend, but he's stuck in Casterly Rock. So there. Go, Ser Davos! Use the father figure thing you got going to your advantage!

•Come on, Ser Jaime. Cut Dickon Tarly some slack. His family switched allegiance just for you. Don't be a dick about it. If you're gonna piss on Dickon Tarly, it should be for stealing screen time from his brother Sam. That's because when Sam is onscreen, so will Archmaester Ebrose. But now I have to wait until next episode to find out if Jim Broadbent will make an appearance.

•Here come the Dothraki! Those horse-lords must really love Daenerys to have followed her across their continent of Essos, to fight in a war that doesn't concern them. But thanks to the Targaryen megalomania, we get to see the Dothraki fight on horseback, which is literally a sight to behold. I'm guessing this was how the Mongols rode into battle during the time of Genghis Khan.

•Yay Drogon! Fry those Lannister soldiers! Go and burn as much as you can! Set as many wagons on fire! Wreak as much havoc as possible! We only have a few more episodes left in this series, and honestly, we haven't had a lot of dragon action! It's time Messrs. Benioff and Weiss made up for all the previous seasons without dragons. Also, are we going to have a battle with all three dragons? Drogon is just one dragon. Where are the other two? Get to work on it, showrunners.

•Let us all applaud Ser Bronn of the Blackwater. Not only is he a pretty good shot with the scorpion, but he also saved Ser Jaime from ending up as some burned body. Although I'm not sure if this is a case of "out of the frying pan and into the fire", since the last shot we see is Jaime sinking into the depths in full battle armour. Who's gonna save him from that?

HBO
How many people does Jaime Lannister owe his life to?
6:05 PM
HBO
"Just our weapons, right? Why are they taking our boat?"

•At last, the King in the North lands on Dragonstone. Here he is greeted by Queen Daenerys's welcoming party, consisting of the Hand of the Queen Tyrion Lannister and her most trusted adviser Missandei. (In modern terms, I wonder who among them would be Daenerys's chief of staff?) The reunion between the bastard and the dwarf is a bit touching, as you can literally feel that they go way back, all the way back to Season 1, in fact.

•Ser Davos, are you hitting on Missandei? She's taken. Although her man has no manhood, so I guess you can pleasure her with your fingers. See what I did there? No? Okay, never mind.

•Why don't Varys and Melisandre seem to get along? I think it's probably because Varys feels threatened that Melisandre might join the Queen's entourage. Since she's a powerful red priestess while Varys is only as useful as the reliability of his spies, if the Queen had to take someone off her entourage, it would probably be Varys.

•Daenerys currently has seven (7) titles. She is Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, 1) rightful heir to the Iron Throne, 2) rightful queen of the Andals and the First Men, 3) protector of the Seven Kingdoms, 4) the mother of dragons, 5) the Khaleesi of the great grass sea, 6) the Unburnt, 7) the Breaker of Chains. Stormborn is probably her middle name, like in her birth certificate, it says "Targaryen, Daenerys Stormborn Targaryen" (as she was a child of incest).

•One has to commend Jon Snow for how he handled Daenerys Targaryen. He acted like a king, yet he did not exalt himself the way Daenerys did. Compared to Daenerys, his only title is "King in the North". He has no claim to his position except his leadership skills, his fighting abilities, and his sense of honour and justice. He's a bastard, and he knows it, yet his social status never stopped him from acting like a king. He was born to rule, and he hates it; the mantle of leadership is a burden for him to carry. But despite the pressure exerted from the side with the huge army and three dragons, Jon Snow refused to bend a knee. The northerners would've been proud.

•I'm probably not the only one who wishes Daenerys and Jon Snow should totally bone. If Snow is indeed a Targaryen, then Dany would be his aunt. On the incest scale, that would be a bit more tolerable than sibling sex (Honestly, all guys have that one aunt they'd like to bang, although I don't know if the converse is true for girls and their uncles.) That sexual encounter would indeed be a meeting of ice and fire. Coincidentally, "Ice" and "Fire" are also varieties of sex lubricants from Bliss. You're welcome.

•Poor Theon Greyjoy. He was rescued from the sea by some ironborn sailors loyal to Yara, but as they hauled his sorry ass from the water, all they could see was a coward. A craven. A pathetic excuse for a man. But like I said in my review for the previous episode, Theon had his reasons for jumping. No one is in any position to judge him, unless they've been through the same things he has. Sadly, no one will ever understand this.

•Euron Greyjoy is my least favourite character in this series. And by that I mean I hate him the most, not that I find him the most uninteresting. I hate him now more than Cersei Lannister, and I think the effectiveness of his portrayal is a testament to Pilou Asbæk's acting skills. Plus, his capture of Yara Greyjoy and Ellaria Sand seems to have turned the tide of this war.

•I think one of the yardsticks for measuring true evil is how one carries out a plan for revenge. Take Cersei Lannister, for example. At first I thought, "What's with the lipstick, Cersei?" And then it turns out it's actually poisoned lipstick, and she kisses Ellaria's daughter on the lips with it. If you recall, that was also how Cersei's daughter Myrcella was killed by Ellaria in Season 5, so there's a kind of poetic justice at play here. This suggests premeditation of the highest degree, and Cersei even goes one-up on Ellaria by dooming her to watch her daughter die and slowly decompose in front of her very eyes. True evil? You bet it is.

HBO
The only one in this episode who bent a knee was Cersei.

•Twincest is back. Hooray. Or not. Wait, who's the maid in the pixie cut? Well, she's not a new character, according to Vanity Fair. She's been serving Cersei Lannister since Season 2.

•Hooray, Mark Gatiss! Another awesome cameo for this season. Gatiss is a good actor, because despite looking like Myrcroft Holmes from Sherlock, his acting here isn't like Myrcroft at all. His character here is very serious, very corporate, and very effective. You can practically feel your loan application getting approved or denied just by listening to the tone of his voice.

•Is it just me, or does it seem like the director forced in a lot of shots overlooking the cliffs of Dragonstone just to maximise the location? It's like, "Hey, get a load of this view! You don't get this everyday! Okay, we'll shoot Varys and Melisandre here, then one brooding scene between Tyrion and Jon Snow trying to out-brood each other, then another one with Daenerys and Jon Snow when she allows him to mine the dragonglass!" They most likely dubbed the dialogue in those scenes, as I imagine the wind from those cliffs was probably howling.

•Sansa seems to have the North all taken care of. She'd make a pretty good Lord of Winterfell, or whatever the female version of a lord is. (Lady of Winterfell? Doesn't have the same ring to it, though.) Oh, and Bran's back. And he has a lot of explaining to do, because apparently his sister still thinks he can be Lord of Winterfell. I wish the Stark siblings would just team up and get Littlefinger out of the picture. It'll be best for everyone.

•Look at Bran Stark. You think that's wooden acting by Isaac Hempstead Wright? On the contrary, he's portraying a character whose brain is fried from too much weirwood use. No, I don't mean as a drug. I mean he's tapped into weirwoods too much as part of his Three-Eyed Raven training that his brain has overloaded. What would you expect from someone who can see the past, the present, and the future all at once? Not even Sansa could handle the awkward weirdness.

•Ser Jorah's greyscale may be no more, but his scars are still a horrible sight to behold. Well, at least he's cured. And I mean totally cured, because Sam even has the courage to shake his hand after that. But enough about Jorah Mormont. Let's talk about Jim Broadbent. Ah, Jim Broadbent... my new favourite character in this series. I love him so much, I even signed up on Reddit just so I could rave about how good he is.

•The Unsullied take Casterly Rock, which is a good thing. But it seems a bit fishy, isn't it, how easily they took it? I would've wanted to see some Unsullied action. Sadly, we won't get that treat this episode, because Jaime Lannister has taken his army to march on Highgarden. Also, damn you, Randyll Tarly. I thought you were honourable.

•Goodbye, Lady Olenna. You're one of the good bitches in Westeros. I don't mean that in a bad way; all the powerful women on this show are bitches. But you're a good bitch. So basically, you'll be gone by next episode, and House Tyrell's coffers will be used to pay the Iron Bank. That doesn't seem like a nice way to go. But of course, you dropped the bomb regarding Joffrey's death, which is a great dick move. The only regret you'll have is you won't see Cersei's face when she finds out it was you who poisoned that cunt.

HBO
Yeah, he's a cunt... but he's my cunt!
7:34 PM
HBO
Team Targaryen Pre-Invasion Working Lunch.

•Okay, Queen Daenerys, there's no need to threaten Varys. He may be a sly little bugger, with all his little birds and all, but his heart is in the right place. Even Ned Stark trusted him, despite his aversion to eunuchs. And Varys worked hard for you during your Essos campaign, unflinching under the hot desert sun. Haven't you noticed his tan?

•It's nice that the Red Priestess travelled all the way to Dragonstone to make the intro for Jon Snow. But who sent her? Did she travel there on her own accord? If she did, how could she have anticipated that Daenerys would already be there? Was she waiting all this time to pay a courtesy call to the Mother of Dragons? Those questions, I'm afraid, must remain unanswered, just like the question of how she can give birth to some black shadow baby. We'll never know.

•Among all the Stark children, Jon Snow is actually the one who takes after Ned Stark the most (although he may not be Ned's son, he still is a Stark, after all). Jon Snow is an honourable man, and a good man to the core. And we can all take a page from the bastard's book: it actually pays to be good. As long as you do good deeds, and treat others with kindness, people will never speak ill of you. And that is why, despite being King in the North, Daenerys doesn't see him as a threat. Melisandre and Tyrion Lannister vouched for him. His reputation preceded him, and it worked to his advantage.

•In King's Landing, Cersei proceeds to muster her army by calling on the bannermen of Olenna Tyrell, who as we all know is in open rebellion against the crown. But Cersei's bitchy approach isn't the most diplomatic way to win the people's support, which is why her twin brother Jaime Lannister has decided to utilise backchannels in order to convince the lesser Houses to join their cause. House Tarly seems to be an honourable lot, but everyone has their price, and I wonder how much it will take for Randyll Tarly to flip.

•Speaking of Tarlys, Samwell Tarly continues his work in the Citadel, this time focusing his efforts on the cure for greyscale. Archmaester Ebrose continues to school young Tarly in the fashion of law school professors instilling fear in freshmen law students. The knowledge to cure greyscale is known to the archmaester, but he also knows how dangerous the procedure is, and he's not one to attempt it readily. But Samwell Tarly is a man with a very strong will, and not even lack of knowledge and experience can stop him from achieving his dream of being the best greyscale surgeon in Westeros. Ser Jorah has no choice, truth be told. It's either Sam's scalpel or a slow death in a hard shell.

•Cersei Lannister is one strong woman, and Daenerys Targaryen and her army of Dothraki and Unsullied doesn't really do much to worry her. What she is really concerned about are the dragons, and Daenerys has three of them. It seems she's found something that can penetrate dragonhide, and hopefully this weapon can keep the dragons at bay, to at least even the odds for an exciting battle.

HBO
"What the hell is this, Maester Qyburn?"
"Uh... a... dragon nerf gun?"


•So the planning stages are well under way, it seems, as Team Targaryen discusses its battle plan with three potential allies: the matriarch Olenna Tyrell, the scheming Ellaria Sand, and the sexually fluid Yarra Greyjoy (all of them women, it should be noted). I can see a wonderful relationship being forged between Lady Olenna and Queen Daenerys, a has-been and a soon-to-be. After losing Queen Margaery when Cersei blew up the Sept of Baelor in the Season 6 finale, Lady Olenna has lost a reigning monarch who would listen to her precious words of wisdom. That's all she wants, really: a young queen she can shape and mold into the ruler she should have been.

•Okay, let's get to the highlight of this episode: the Grey Worm-Missandei sex scene. I thought at first that the Unsullied were regular eunuchs, meaning their testicles were castrated but their penises were left intact. But apparently most eunuchs in Westeros, including the Unsullied and Varys, are emasculated, meaning both their testicles and penises have been taken away from them. So what Grey Worm and Missandei have must be true love: Grey Worm accepting that he will never achieve orgasm with her, and Missandei accepting that she can never climax with him inside her. But Missandei doesn't seem to mind. At least, not yet.

•Hello, Hot Pie. You seem healthy and happy. Well, you're alive in Westeros, and considering the political climate, that's quite an achievement. Plus, you're baking pies, something you really love doing, and how many people in Westeros can claim to have a profession that doesn't feel like work? Am I right?

•So Jon Snow has accepted Daenerys's invitation to head to Dragonstone and bend a knee. Honestly, that doesn't sound like an invitation, anyway, but he's King in the North, so what the heck. Before he leaves, though, he needs to make sure the North is in good hands, so he leaves his sister Sansa in charge, because there must always be a Stark in Winterfell. And to make sure that Sansa gets to govern without any distractions, Jon Snow also leaves a friendly reminder for Petyr Baelish. You've got to admire Littlefinger, though. Men who are that determined to have something usually get what they want in the end.

•Is that Nymeria? It could be. But then again, maybe it's not her. But look at that thing. That's one gigantic dog, so it's obviously a direwolf. And how many direwolves are left on Westeros, really? Wasn't the Stark litter the last of their kind? So that has to be Nymeria. Or maybe not. Well, Arya says it's not her, but then again, she could just be consoling herself by sourgraping.

•I really hate Euron Greyjoy. That was already a clear set-up for some Yarra and Ellaria girl-on-girl action, but he had to ruin it with his stupid naval assault. And so what if Theon Greyjoy jumped? The man's been broken, and he's endured what no man deserves to endure, so cut him some slack. He's not a coward; on the contrary, he's actually a very smart man for doing what he did. He probably took one look at Euron, and after seeing the crazed look in his eyes, decided that his uncle might actually be crazier than Ramsay Bolton, and he's not going to stay and find out what's in store for him as a prisoner. Pretty fast decision-making right there, if you ask me.

HBO
See? Crazy eyes.
6:49 PM
HBO
Red Wedding avenged: Check.

•Arya Stark is fast becoming the most fearsome character in this series. First, she's got skills with her sword. Yes, she got beat up last season, but she was blind then. And she was a student of Syrio Forel, so her training is of a higher level than the courtyard steel training of the Winterfell boys. Second, she's small, which makes her quicker and more slippery in close combat. She can probably defeat The Mountain, as long as she stays close. Third, she's a girl, which gives her the ability to slip in and out unnoticed, since Westeros, like the real world, values women less than men. Fourth, she can do face-changing now, although she needs to wear it Mission Impossible-style, unlike Jaqen H'ghar who can change faces in the blink of an eye. And finally, she also has a lot of rage and anger pent up inside her, and all this negative energy is basically her will to live.

•The White Walkers have at least three giants. Three. That's three times the number of giants Jon Snow had in the Battle of the Bastards. Plus, they're undead giants.

•Bran Stark has found sanctuary now at Castle Black, although due to some really bad timing, his sister and half-brother are at Winterfell. Tough luck. And also, Dolorous Edd can totally rock it as Lord Commander.

•Meanwhile, at Winterfell, Jon Snow, the King in the North, shows the Northern Houses his leadership skills, putting all doubts of a bastard ruling over them to rest. He and Sansa need to work on their teamwork, though, as the eldest legitimate heir of Ned Stark has a habit of undermining her bastard brother.

•Meanwhile, in King's Landing, the Kingslayer shatters his twin sister's delusions of grandeur by snapping her back to reality, reminding her that she is queen of three out of seven kingdoms, at best. Cersei, ever the sly bitch, reveals that she has a plan that could give the Lannisters dominion over the waters of Westeros: the Iron Fleet.

•Euron Greyjoy may have command of the biggest naval armada in Westeros, but his character is a douchebag. His mere presence onscreen makes me want to plunge a sword through his chest. I think he is the most despicable character on the series right now. The series needs at least one despicable character at any given time, and that vacancy was filled by Euron following the death of Ramsay Bolton.

HBO
"Come at me, bro."

•Samwell Tarly discovers that life in the Citadel isn't all knowledge and books. There's also chores involved, such as cleaning chamberpots, washing dishes, cleaning chamberpots, cooking, cleaning chamberpots, arranging books, and cleaning chamberpots. He also makes two amazing discoveries in this episode: 1) the fact that dragonglass is found under Dragonstone; and 2) the scaly-skinned Ser Jorah Mormont.

•Jim Broadbent is great as Archmaester Ebrose. He's like that brilliant professor of higher learning who always answers questions in a cocky manner, as if he's annoyed that you even have to ask the question in the first place, but deep inside he's glad that his student's curiosity isn't stifled in the least.

•Littlefinger's moves on Sansa Stark are becoming a bit predatorily creepy, and I'm afraid he might pull a stunt from out of nowhere in latter episodes that would compromise the war in the north. Please, Messrs. Benioff and Weiss. Please don't.

•That sounds like Ed Sheeran singing. It is Ed Sheeran. Oh, and there are actually nice Lannister soldiers? Who would've thought? Also, the guy who made the blackberry wine looks like a younger Stephen Fry.

•I thought they'd already be showing Beric Dondarrion in action, but I guess it's too early in the season for that. I think it's a good thing for the Hound to have joined his group, though. It seems to have activated the Hound's guilty conscience, as he finally makes amends to that farmer and his daughter that he murdered in a previous episode by giving them a proper burial. See, I've always known the Hound's a good guy underneath all that toughness.

•And finally, Queen Daenerys makes her homecoming. She finally lands on Dragonstone, and she looks about her ancestral castle as though it was in bad need of interior decorating. It made me wonder, though, how she had time to get her hair styled and her nails French-tipped while her ship was crossing the waters of the Narrow Sea. The answer: an extremely dedicated entourage.

HBO
Lord Varys obviously got a good tan.
11:26 AM
HBO
"Aray... ipantay mo ha!"

Q: Ano ang tawag sa akusadong hindi um-attend ng kanyang paglilitis?
A: Slippery bitch.

HBO
"I know, right?"

Ang lupit mo, Mareng Cersei. Slow clap. Ikaw nga talaga ang the son Tywin Lannister never had. Pero sige, nanalo ka ngayon. Napatay mo ang marami sa mga kalaban mo sa King’s Landing. Deads na si Margaery Tyrell. Si High Sparrow. Si Kevan Lannister. At iba pa. Hindi lang 7 in one blow; more like 700 in one blow. Galing.

HBO
Kaboom.

Wala sa konsepto mo, Queen Cersei, ang salitang “trabaho lang”. Namemersonal ka e. Pero anong kapalit naman nito? Patay na rin si Tommen. Dahil sa’yo. Yes, nakuha mo ang Iron Throne. Pero masakit sa puwit, ‘di ba? Buti nga sa’yo, punyeta ka.

HBO
"Maester, pakilagyan nga ng unan. Thanks."

Speaking of Lannisters, parang si Ser Jaime nalang ang natitirang honourable Lannister. Oo, mayroon siyang history ng kingslaying, pero mukhang gusto naman niyang ma-redeem. Of course, si Tyrion din naman ay may honour, pero mayroon din siyang pagka-slippery, kasi magaling siyang pulitiko. Kaya rin niya deserve ang pin ng Hand of the King.

HBO
"Alam mo bang may mga fan theory na magkamag-anak daw tayo?"

Ano ba ang problema sa honourable men? Si Ser Davos Seaworth ay isang honourable man. Si Jon Snow ay isang honourable man. Ang mga honourable men, hindi tumatanaw ng utang na loob. Kahit pa malaki ang naitulong ni Melisandre sa labanan noong Episode 9, kahit pa si Melisandre ang may kagagawan ng muling pagkabuhay ni Jon Snow, tinabla pa rin siya nina Snow at Seaworth dahil siya ay masamang aswang. Ang honourable men sa Westeros ay bihira, at madalas sila’y namamatay din.

HBO
"Mas matangkad na pala ako sa'yo, Kuya Jon."

Kahit sandali lang ang screen time ng pamilyang Tarly, interesting ito kasi ito ang unang beses na pinakita ang the Citadel. Ang tanong lang ay kung may mas malaking part pa ba si Samwell Tarly at ang kanyang pagiging maester sa hinaharap? Sana naman, dahil sayang ang vast stores of knowledge sa library ng Citadel.

HBO
Muntik nang malimutan ni Sam na naghihintay sa labas ang mag-ina niya.

Hindi lang isa ang bitch throne sa Westeros. May iba pang mga bitch bukod kay Cersei. Si Lady Olenna Tyrell, simple lang siya, pero bitch din ‘yan. Parang lola na bitch. ‘Yung Sand Snakes, mga annoying bitches lahat ‘yan.

HBO
"Sino pinaka-bitch sa aming lahat?"

Si Arya Stark din pala ay isang bitch. Bitch na marunong mag-disguise at magaling pumatay. Deadly combination ito. So I guess patay na talaga ang sweet little girl na si Arya Stark, dahil ang lumaslas sa leeg ni Walder Frey ay hindi na si Arya Stark. Siya ay isang cold-hearted killer.

HBO
"Nagaaral lang ako mag-caregiver, hold still!"

Si Sansa Stark, kahit Stark ‘yan, may pagka-bitch din ‘yan. Sa lahat ng mga anak ni Eddard Stark, siya ang pinakamagaling maglaro ng Game of Thrones. Alam niya ang pamumulitika. Alam niya ang galawan ng mga iba pang players. Actually, pwede naman siya ang susunod sa line of succession ng King in the North, pero mas gusto ko talaga si Lyanna Mormont. Small but terrible e.

HBO
"Lahat ng miyembro ng fan club ko, please stand up."

Si Queen Daenerys, bitch din ‘yan. At finally, dadalhin na niya ang buong khalasar niya sa Westeros, kasama ang dragons niya. Kasama rin niya rito si Yarra Greyjoy, na alam naman natin na isa ring bitch. So I guess we can expect na ang Season 7 ay magiging season of bitch fighting.

HBO
At saka dragons.

At finally, salamat kina George R.R. Martin, David Benioff, D.B. Weiss, at sa warging ni Bran Stark, nasagot na rin ang ating matagal na nating gustong malaman. Si Jon Snow nga ay anak ni Lyanna Stark. Pero hindi pa rin explicitly sinasabi na si Rhaegar Targaryen ang tatay. Well, hindi rin naman explicitly sinabing si Jon Snow ang baby na kinuha ni Ned Stark. Pero magkasunod ang shot ng baby at mukha ni Jon Snow; hindi lang ito random shot placement ng direktor. Sa language ng cinema, may ibig sabihin ito, at parang may idea na tayo kung kanino nga ba ang “song of ice and fire”.

HBO
"Walang'ya, Lyanna... hindi ako marunong magpalit ng lampin."
4:10 PM
HBO
"I still know nothing."

War, war, war. Ang tema ng episode na ito ay digmaan.

May digmaan sa Meereen, kung saan pinagbo-bomba ng mga Masters ang malaking pyramid. Pero mabilis din napuksa itong threat na ito, dahil siyempre: dragons. At of course, ang bagong khalasar ni Daenerys. Pero dragons.

HBO
How to train your dragon... na pumatay.

May isa pang naval battle na napipinto, pero nasa planning stage pa lang. Ito ang pag-reclaim sa Salt Throne ng mga taga-Iron Isles. Ang alyansang Targaryen-Greyjoy ay mukhang may promise, at sana magtagumpay sila sa pagtalo sa usurper na si Euron Greyjoy. At saka sana matuloy din ang Daenerys-Yarra lesbian sex romp.

HBO
"O, baka maglaplapan kayo sa harap ko ha."

Pero ang pinaka-highlight na giyera rito ay ang Battle of Winterfell. Bastard kontra bastard. Ay mali, legitimised na pala si Ramsay Bolton, na dating Ramsay Snow. Anyway, ang lumabas pala na pinaka-bida sa digmaang ito ay hindi si Jon Snow. Hindi rin si Ser Davos Seaworth, hindi si Tormund Giantsbane, at hindi rin si Giant (hindi ko alam ang pangalan niya e, so Giant nalang siya). Ang bida rito ay isang babae. Nope, hindi si Lyanna Mormont, kasi hindi naman talaga siya lumaban. Ang tinutukoy ko ay si Sansa Stark. Tama ang lahat ng sinabi ni Sansa tungkol sa kalaban. Huwag daw umatake sa Winterfell hanggang may mas malaking puwersa. Pigilin daw ang sarili na bumigay sa mga taunt ni Ramsay Bolton. Kung sinunod lang sana ang kanyang mga suggestion, baka hindi gaano kalaki ang nawala sa pwersa ng mga Stark.

HBO
At kung sinunod sana ni Rickon Stark ang "serpentine"...

Anyway, naka-quota na yata sina Messrs. Benioff, Weiss, (at Martin) dito sa episode na ito. Rest in peace, Rickon Stark. Rest in peace, Giant. At rest in peace, Ramsay Bolton. Masunog sana ang kaluluwa mo sa impyerno.

HBO
Ramsay Bolton: Bagong model ng Pedigree dog food.
4:00 PM
HBO
"Hmmm... magpakalbo na rin kaya ako?"

Na-miss ko si Sandor Clegane. Siya kasi ang isa sa mga characters sa Game of Thrones na mayroong moral ambiguity, o 'yung hindi mo malaman kung masama o mabuti. Noong una, siyempre, masama siya, pero mayroon naman palang siyang soft side. Noong last episode, tumutulong na nga siya mag-karpintero e. Ano pa ba mas soft pa roon? Pero binitay nila si Ian McShane e, kaya ayun, ginalit nila. Ngayon pinagpapatay niya sila. On one hand, parang bumalik na ang dating The Hound. Pero on the other hand, pinaghihiganti niya ang mga kaibigan niya. Yes, The Hound has friends. Cute, 'no?

Sayang maghihiwalay na sina Varys at Tyrion "the most famous dwarf in the world" Lannister. Ganda pa naman ng chemistry nila, pero hindi ito gaanong na-utilise noong previous episodes. Pero in fairness, magaling ang chemistry ni Tyrion at kahit sino man itambal sa kanya. Kaya parang ang sarap siguro sumali sa inuman nila Tyrion, Greyworm, at Missandei. Tsaka sarap siguro lasingin ni Missandei. Joke lang.

HBO
"Taasan ang tagay niyan."

Naiintindihan ko na napakagaling na aktres ni Lena Headey bilang Cersei Lannister, at mukhang maraming manonood ng Game of Thrones ang mahilig sa kanya. Pero nakakabwisit talaga siya. Bitch na bitch e. Ngayong kasama niya ang zombie-fied na si Ser Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane, parang mas naging bitch pa lalo. Buti nalang bawal na ang trial by combat, kasi kung hindi, Cersei Lannister walks free dahil champion niya si The Mountain. Si Cersei talaga pinakanararapat mamatay, pero mukhang hindi pa siya papatayin nina Messrs. Martin, Benioff, at Weiss.

HBO
Magic sa kaliwa, muscle sa kanan. Bitch talaga.

Punta naman tayo sa isa pang magandang chemistry sa mga characters ng GoT na medyo naudlot lang: ang tambalang Brienne of Tarth at Ser Jaime Lannister. Wholesome ang chemistry nila; strictly platonic. Walang sexual tension, kahit anong pilit ng imahinasyon ni Bronn na mag-sex sila. Ang ganda lang ng huling paalam nila sa isa't isa habang papaalis na sina Brienne at ang squire niyang si Pod. Nagtaasan lang sila ng kamay, simpleng kaway na may halong mutual respect. Sobrang "aaaaw" moment.

HBO
"Sa tangkad mong 'yan, mahihirapan tayo mag-69."

Hindi ba nakikita ng mga tao na sobrang loser ni Edmure Tully at sobrang astig ni Blackfish? Hindi ba ang natural tendency ng tao ay umiwas sa loser at sumama sa badass? Pero bakit ganoon? Bakit sinunod ng mga sundalo ng Riverrun si Edmure at hindi si Blackfish? Dahil sa honour? Kalokohan. Well, marami namang kalokohan sa show na ito, pero pinagbibigyan nalang natin.

HBO
"Wala na raw ako next episode? Anak ng... "

Pinakamalaking kalokohan talaga rito si Arya Stark. Andami nang namamatay dahil sa kanya, kasama na si Lady Crane. Tapos hindi pa siya maka-decide kung ano ba talaga siya. Stark ba siya o no name? Tsaka bakit parang hindi nagalit si Jaqen H'ghar na nakasabit na sa collection niya 'yung mukha ni Waif? Hindi siya nagalit na namatay si Waif, at hindi rin siya nagalit na hindi malinis ang pagkakagupit ng mukha. At hindi rin siya nagalit na pinagpalit na ni Arya ang pagiging "no one" at bumalik na siya sa pagiging Arya Stark of Winterfell.

HBO
"N'labo mo, girl."

Kung nasayangan kayo sa episode na ito dahil wala si Jon Snow, hayaan niyo – next week, magsasawa kayo sa bastards of the north.
1:00 PM
HBO
"I look like a giant Liam Neeson."

This episode starts off with the strange combination of Sandor Clegane and green meadows. The Hound has always been associated with drab colours like black armour and the metallic grays of weaponry. To see him in warm earth colours doing an honest day's work amidst a beautiful green landscape is quite... new. Not unwelcome. Just new. And what's Ian McShane doing with a 1-episode cameo?

HBO
"I'm not gonna make it to the next episode, am I?"

A rose is deceitful. Sure, it's a beautiful flower. It's bright red and it smells nice. But with its thorns, it can hurt you when you try to pick it from a rose bush. Deceitful little bitch. Just like Queen Margaery Tyrell. But the biggest bitch in King's Landing is Cersei Lannister, and her rather blunt way of asking for another Lannister-Tyrell alliance will just make you shake your head at her gall. The nerve.

HBO
"Dear George R.R. Martin, please kill off Cersei before me."

I'm not sure if the Free Folk a.k.a. Wildlings will really join Jon Snow to take back Winterfell. At least they have a giant that has their backs. House Glover denied House Stark its allegiance, but who cares? I have a new favourite character in this series: Lyanna Mormont. You go, girl.

HBO
"I'm ten years old and I can whoop your asses."

What will happen to the heirs of the Iron Isles? Will they actually make it to the other continent on Essos and convince Daenerys Targaryen to join them in their fight against their usurping uncle? Will the khalasar finally shed their fear of the ocean by getting on the Ironborn ships? And the most important question of all: will Asha Greyjoy have lesbian sex with Queen Daenerys?

HBO
Make it happen, HBO.

Why is Brynden "Blackfish" Tully such a badass, while his nephew Edmure Tully is such a pussy? He's also got badass armour, with scales that actually look like fish scales. Just how badass is that? The only problem is, the other side has two badasses, Sers Bron and Jaime Lannister. This should be an exciting battle of badasses, so the wimpy Freys should pack up and go home.

HBO
Fish scales are more badass than lion hide.

I just learned recently that the girl who hates Arya Stark so much is called "Waif". Pardon me for steering clear of any Game of Thrones-related stuff on the Internet. Well, I used to not like her. Now I hate her. She's a killer, a hired assassin, and I don't like her face. I hope Arya stabs her in the eye with Needle.

HBO
Spoiler: Arya lives.
3:26 PM
After Hodor’s tragic death last episode, the unlikely duo of Bran Stark and Meera Reed continue their flight from the White Walkers. But you can only go so far lugging around a crippled boy, no matter how powerful his warging abilities are. Good thing we have this mysterious hooded man to the rescue.

HBO
Benjen Stark lives! (Spoiler!)
Meanwhile, in Bran’s head… that’s the young Ned Stark demanding to see his sister Lyanna. Will we have more flashbacks of that? Please, HBO? And is that the Mad King Aerys? Wicked!

HBO
"This throne is literally a pain in the... ouch!"
Meanwhile, in Horn Hill… Sam and Gilly finally reach the seat of House Tarly, which looks surprisingly huge and wealthy for a lower house of Westeros. And after one of the most awkward family dinner scenes in the series so far, Sam decides to “man up” and leave Horn Hill, taking the Tarly’s family sword “Heartsbane”, made of Valyrian steel. I wonder if it weren’t Valyrian steel, would he still have taken it?

HBO
"I know a pawnshop that accepts Valyrian steel."
Meanwhile, in the Great Sept… Tommen and Margaery meet and scheme… but no sex. They’ve managed to thwart the Lannister-Tyrell alliance from going all-out on the sparrows. It’s kind of a pity we don’t get to see any action here. The least they could’ve shown us was some Lannister-Tyrell sex.

HBO
What do you mean "no sex"?
Meanwhile, in the Free City of Braavos… the girl who has no name has struck up a friendship with her intended target. What caused the change of heart, I wonder? Was it Lady Crane’s compliment on her expressive eyes and wonderful eyebrows? And I thought a girl has no name? Why’d she answer “Mercy” when Lady Crane asked what her name was? Oh, maybe it was foreshadowing, like “I’m not going to kill you; I’m going to show you mercy.” I guess she’s figured out who ordered the hit, after seeing the other actress lip-syncing to Lady Crane’s lines. And that change of heart will most likely be reported to Jaqen H'ghar, thanks to that snitch who probably has no name as well. I hope Arya sticks Needle into the side of her neck.

HBO
A girl has no name... but has wonderful eyebrows.
Meanwhile, at the Twins… Walder Frey berates his boys for losing the Blackfish. When you lose and enemy in Westeros, you’ll always be looking over your shoulder because that enemy might come up on you from behind. So instead of doing that, he’ll either be declaring war on Riverrun or negotiating for a ransom with the capture of Ser Edmure. Walder Frey is old, I’m sure even Rickon Stark can kick his ass. But he’s just so shrewd and cunning that he manages to survive. I hope he dies, the old geezer.

HBO
"Please, Lord Walder, get your thumb out of my arse!"
Meanwhile, at the Red Keep... incest!

HBO
Damn, you siblings don't know when to stop, don't you?
Meanwhile, in Essos… Daenerys Targaryen decides she wants to conquer Westeros. But to do that, she must bring her khalasar with her. And to do that, she must cross the sea. And to do that, she needs boats. Well, her blood riders need boats. She has a dragon.

HBO
"The only thing that can keep me from riding this dragon is HBO's budget department!"
6:36 PM
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