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Reason to watch it: Emily Browning's Nudity.


"Just making sure you're not a tranny."

You may want to see how Emily Browning's body looks like sans vĂȘtements. At first, of course, it's something new. Fresh meat, literally.


Hoping to land a lingerie endorsement deal.

Then you start to see the nuances in Emily Browning's body. Like she's too white, as in cadaver-white. And her feet are too small.


"Yuck! My feet are smaller than Chinese feet!"

When I was a kid, I remembered having this nauseous feeling whenever my eyes made contact with pornographic images. And that same feeling of nausea definitely haunted me while watching this.


Reason not to watch it: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


"Oh my. She fell asleep from sheer boredom!"

The story was so boring, and so poorly told, that I'll just share with you another story. This is the story of how I watched this flick without paying for my ticket.

It all began in Robinsons Metro East Cinema 4, where I was watching Immortals. After the movie, I made my way to Cinema 4's restroom, which had a sign on the door saying, "Please proceed to the Cinema 3 restroom". So I did. When I noticed that no one was looking, I went inside Cinema 3 and found an empty seat. I thought Cinema 3 was playing The Adventures of Tintin, but I was greeted by Emily Browning's pretty face. So I decided to sit it out, and began to notice that there were only five people in the entire cinema, and all of us were males.

The end.



Sleeping Beauty. Australia. 2011.



Rating: Three out of ten.
My restroom anecdote: Seven out of ten.




*some info from IMDb
This is another pseudo-review.

All those who didn't like Sucker Punch, please raise your hands. Okay, what were your problems with it? Too much eye candy? You could actually tell that from the poster, so it's your fault you chose to watch this over Justin Bieber's movie. What's that? Too much action? Again, you could've watched Justin Bieber. Come again? You didn't like the story? Let's clarify. Did you not like the story, or did you not get the story? Either way, Justin Bieber.

Anyway, let me just shut myself up and start with the review, where I shall be handing out awards like...

Best Action Sequence
Not pictured: Action.
Also not pictured: Germans.
The German trenches

I love World War II. Although technically, this takes place in a World War I trench, but, whatever, right? And I hate Germans, because of their racist, white supremacy bullcrap. I also hate zombies, because... they're zombies. So this sequence is perfect. It's like a Steampunk version of A Very Long Engagement.



There was a ridiculous amount of hype for Sucker Punch. It was inevitable, with such a gorgeous, scantily clad cast, and Zach Snyder at the helm.

Then the bad reviews started rolling in and with 80% of my Blondie costume done, you can't blame a gal for being a little anxious. But you know what? The critics can suck it. I enjoyed Sucker Punch.

Emily Browning's character, Babydoll, is institutionalized by her stepfather and is scheduled for a lobotomy in five days. She retreats into her mind and has these dream-within-a-dream fantasies about finding a way to escape with the help of four other inmates: Rocket (Jenna Malone), Sweet Pea (Abbie Cornish), Blondie (Vanessa Hudgens) and Amber (Jamie Chung).

Yes, the film’s strongest point is that it’s just so visually stunning (And I’m not just talking about Abbie Cornish. Oh, Abbie. Make an honest woman out of me. ♥), but the core of it had potential. The plot and character development were a little lacking, but I think that was mostly due to the scenes they cut out to get the rating down from an R to a PG-13. I’m hoping they come out with a director’s cut because I’m insanely curious about that scene with Jon Hamm and the Burlesque stage numbers that they edited out.

The soundtrack is absolutely amazing. Emily Browning does a hauntingly beautiful cover of "Sweet Dreams" that you should watch out for, and the songs they used for the fight scenes just made everything so much more bad-ass.

Sucker Punch's biggest fault is that it was over-hyped. Forget the hype. It's a fun movie (up to the second half which I can't explain without spoiling) that's an odd-but-kinda-works combination of girl-power and a fanboy's wet dream.




You may also want to check out the other Sucker Punch reviews from Claire and Sting Lacson.
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