Da Couch Tomato: man-crush

Due to the unexpectedly positive response from my Facebook Man-Crush post (several of my über-straight male friends followed suit, all without second thoughts and without batting an eyelash), I now bring you Da Couch Tomato Man-Crush Special. People have been hounding me to write this, and now that I've realized that it's impossible to narrow down my man-crushes to just five, I've decided to go ahead with this blog post.

Twenty years ago, there was no such thing as a man-crush. Well maybe there was, but they just didn't know what to call it. Today, almost a decade into the new millennium, it is possible for a straight guy to have a man-crush without being labeled as homosexual.

Man-crush simply means "If I were that guy, or if I looked like that guy, or if I even slightly resembled that guy, I could get any girl I want." That's all.

Gay is now the new straight. Or straight is the new gay. Whatever. You get the point.

And in no particular order (although Christian Bale ranks number one):

Christian Bale

This guy played Batman and John Connor. You shouldn't ask any more questions. Plus he looked great with the goatee in The Prestige.

Topher Grace

Funny guy. Just like your typical boy-next-door with a sense of humor.

James Franco

One of the Hollywood pretty boys who, in the tradition of Johnny Depp and Heath Ledger, refused to be labeled as such. Franco went on to play a stoner in Pineapple Express and Harvey Milk's lover in Milk.

John Cleese

John Cleese was, and still is, a really funny guy. You can just imagine him over thirty years ago, when he was the alpha male of British comedy.

Sacha Baron Cohen

The new alpha male of British comedy. I wish I had his height. And his chameleon looks. He can pass for Caucasian, Arab, or Semite. And many more, with a little make-up.

Guy Ritchie

The former Mr. Madonna. He's got a very cool directing style. And he's got a scar on his face. Everyone knows chicks dig scars.

Johnny Depp

Do I even have to explain? This is the poster boy of poster boys. Girls will go after him even if he looks and smells like a pirate.

John Lloyd Cruz

Simply because there's no one better in Philippine showbiz right now.

Ernesto "Che" Guevara

Like Captain Jack Sparrow, girls will still go after him even if he looks and smells like three months of jungle warfare. And he is, sadly, the poster boy of the revolution.

Bear Grylls

Anyone like Bear Grylls is an outdoor girl magnet. You'll be able to snag any girl who's into mountaineering and stuff. Or any girl who gets turned on when a guy can drink camel urine.

Alessandro Del Piero

I wish God would give me everything about Alessandro Del Piero...EXCEPT his voice.

Jude Law

He played Alfie. And he can breakdance. Come on.

Takeshi Kaneshiro

Check out the pic. Any guy with blood dripping down his nose will have girls rushing over to wipe it off.

Daniel Henney

He played the Asian guy in that Wolverine movie. Girls who like Asian guys will definitely bypass Hugh Jackman.

Georges St. Pierre

A great fighter, with the grace of a gentleman. And a French accent. No wonder we have Mandy Moore crushing on him.

Chang Chen

The rule is that you cannot man-crush yourself. That defeats the entire purpose. But you can man-crush on someone who looks like you. And they said I look like Chang Chen. All rightey then.

Wentworth Miller